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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset and defeated and not know what to do next?

134 replies

extremepie · 24/03/2012 11:44

Ok, bit of a long one but here is the short(ish) version:

My DS1 was 5 in Feb, and is not in school. He was offered a school place at a school just under 2 miles from our house, despite there being 9 schools closer to us, one of them being just 500m from us.

We cannot send him to the school he has been offered.

He is currently attending the same pre-school as his brother who has just turned 4 but will not be able to return after easter as he is too old, meaning that after easter he will have no pre-school or school place and will just be sitting at home with us until a place at the closer school comes up (he is currently on the waiting list)

DS2 has autism so we have a TeamAroundFamily thing set up with social services to try and help us get them both into school (amongst other things) and they have assisted me in appealing for the closer school under rule 2 - special social or medical needs. We sent them a whole bunch of reports from our paediatrician, speech therapist, SENCO, just about everyone officially connected to our family, outlining our needs as a family for both DS's to attend this particular school. I also wrote a letter myself.

Got a letter yesterday saying that they had considered our information and decided that it doesn't sufficiently prove that the particular school we want fulfills our needs.

This basically now means that DS1 has no school place and will not get one in the forseeable future unless by some miracle enough children leave the school for him to be offered a place.

I don't know what to do now. I have honestly done everything I can think of and none of it is working. Want to bash my head against a brick wall!!

Any ideas? Help!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/03/2012 11:47

Why can't he go to the one just under 2 miles away?

McHappyPants2012 · 24/03/2012 11:47

why cant you send him to the one he has been offered

SydSaid · 24/03/2012 11:49

I came on here to say exactly what Worry and McHappy have said. Why not send him there till he gets a place at a closer school?

squeakytoy · 24/03/2012 11:51

I agree with what the others have asked.. two miles is not a great distance at all.

WorraLiberty · 24/03/2012 11:51

Lol @ 'Worry' and McHappy Grin

We sound like a pair of clowns

topshelfrita · 24/03/2012 11:53

Is transport a problem?

SydSaid · 24/03/2012 11:54

Hahaha, oops! I'm not going to apologise for the typo, I needed a giggle!

BabyDubsEverywhere · 24/03/2012 11:56

Under 2 miles - thats not exactly far.
Why cant he go there?

WorraLiberty · 24/03/2012 11:57

I can feel some street entertainment coming on Grin

cornflowers · 24/03/2012 11:59

Did you attend an appeal? My friends did when their ds1 was offered a place miles away & they won on appeal. Or does the system vary depending on where you live?

Original poster
extremepie · 24/03/2012 11:59

The main reasons why we can't take him to the further away school is that we don't have a car and the logistics of it just wouldn't work, especially on the days that DS2 is at pre-school.

We can't afford to take a taxi or bus that many times a day either.

I am at college full time so most of the time it is DH who would have to walk him all the way there with DS2 in the pushchair.

DS2 is really too big for him pushchair and will frequently put his feet on the ground or wheels or try to climb out when you're walking. He can't not go in a pushchair at the moment for his own safety - his autism is currently too severe. We are in the process of applying for a special needs pushchair but it is taking a while. This makes long journeys on foot very difficult.

Besides all this, the pre-school the DS's are currently in is the second he's been in - if I then move him to the further away school for a few months only to move him on AGAIN when the other place comes up it will be his 4th school/type setting. I don't want to inflict any more upheaval than necessary on him :(

Oh, also the further away school is well know as having a shockingly bad 'reputation' - this is not really a reason why I don't want him to go there but I do think that if it is the only school in the area that still has places (which it is) then there could be a good reason for that - no one wants to send their children there out of choice.

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 24/03/2012 12:01

I don't really understand. The hcp's and support network needs to find a school that will provide your ds2 with the support and help he needs most. This may not be a mainstream school that is close to where you live and that would be appropriate for both of your boys. I think you need to be more specific about the complexity of ds2's needs. If a school close to you (which presumably is oversubscribed and one that you really want) is the right school for ds2 - in which case he is able to be educated in a mainstream school, then ds1 will probably get a sibling place in advance of those already on the waiting list.

Why can't ds1 go to the further away school. If there are justifiable reasons such as transport problems why will you be sitting at home waiting for a school when you could be reading, drawing, leaf kicking, watching bulbs grow, etc.. Can ds1 not attend one of the 9 closer schools because there are no places or becuase you are holding out for your first choice of school.

Sorry but your opening post doesn't stack imo.

Original poster
extremepie · 24/03/2012 12:01

We have already attended one appeal which was turned down :(

We have re-appealed under rule 2 but have been turned down again and have been told we cannot appeal again unless our circumstances change significantly (which they are unlikely to) :(

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/03/2012 12:03

Well I can understand where you're coming from but...

Looking at it through the eyes of the LA, they'll say your eldest child comes first because he has to attend school by law, but your other child doesn't have to attend pre-school...and many parents have to struggle on a school run with younger children Sad

I don't know what else you can do other than keep appealing.

AgentProvocateur · 24/03/2012 12:05

I think that being at home for months, missing out his education would be more disruptive than changing schools. When you start, you might find that children nearby go and he could go with them. Or could you ask a friend to sit with DS2?

topshelfrita · 24/03/2012 12:06

Four miles a day is a lot for a five year-old to walk, not to mention the eight miles for your OH!
Was the letter in response to an appeal, or do you still have that option?

cornflowers · 24/03/2012 12:06

A lot of children do seem to come and go in the early years, especially if you live in an area with reasonably high levels of migration, so don't give up on the waiting list yet. It does sound like a car could definitely make your lives a lot easier generally - is this not an option?

Original poster
extremepie · 24/03/2012 12:07

None of the 9 closer schools have places - we want this particular one partly because it is close but also because that school has a speech and language unit which will be hugely beneficial for DS2 (he is not talking much yet).

DS2 may very well need to go to a special school but we can't get a place in a special school until he has been statemented.

The pre-school can only afford to have him 2 mornings a week because they have to pay an extra member of staff for him as he needs 1-1.

As such it is hard to get the evidence required for him to get a statement until he is in school!

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 24/03/2012 12:08

It sound like a pain in the arse to get him to the further away school, but totally normal at the same time, that is just the way it is doing a school run isnt it? under 2 miles is walking distance, you may have to set out a lot earlier than others due to DS2 needing more attention on the way but again, what you describe is not that different from dragging along a couple of preschoolers any way which a lot of people do every day.

I would rather a preschooler was late to preschool than a 5 year old be sa at home all day every day missing out completely!

marriedinwhite · 24/03/2012 12:08

If DS2 needs a special needs pushchair then it is likely he will have to go to a special school. If that is the case he will be collected by a school bus from your home and this will allow you or your DH to take DS1 to the school that is just under two miles away.

I'm afraid your circumstances are still not really stacking up unless you are saying you are trying to use DS2's disability to get both your boys into an outstanding, very local school for which you do not ordinarily meet the admissions criteria.

I also note that you are in full time education and your dh appears available during the day. Have you thought, for the sake of your children that you need to put your studies on hold and that one of you could perhaps do some or a little more paid work so you can afford some transport, ie, a bike with extension seat for ds1.

ImperialBlether · 24/03/2012 12:09

Cornflowers, I'm sure if the OP had the money and the licence for a car she'd have got one long before now. She's at college and it sounds as though her DH isn't working. Cars are expensive to buy and to run.

Original poster
extremepie · 24/03/2012 12:09

Believe me corn we would love a car, it would make life so much easier but neither DH or I can drive at the moment so we would have to get lessons, then pass the test, then get a car which is going to take a while!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/03/2012 12:10

How is four miles a day a lot for a 5yr old to walk? Confused

marriedinwhite · 24/03/2012 12:12

I'm sure that once the op and her dh can drive, they will be entitled to a motability vehicle.

Original poster
extremepie · 24/03/2012 12:14

DH is a carer for DS2, so no, he isn't working at the moment!

Putting studies on hold is not an option - I am 3 months away from finishing a 3 year course and if I leave now I would have to re-take the whole last year!

The closer school is hardly outstanding it's just that in this area there are a lot of children needing school places and not enough schools to meet demand.

Married, getting DS2 into a special school will take months so is not really a quick solution to the problem.

OP posts: