to feel upset and defeated and not know what to do next?

[extremepie]

Ok, bit of a long one but here is the short(ish) version:

My DS1 was 5 in Feb, and is not in school. He was offered a school place at a school just under 2 miles from our house, despite there being 9 schools closer to us, one of them being just 500m from us.

We cannot send him to the school he has been offered.

He is currently attending the same pre-school as his brother who has just turned 4 but will not be able to return after easter as he is too old, meaning that after easter he will have no pre-school or school place and will just be sitting at home with us until a place at the closer school comes up (he is currently on the waiting list)

DS2 has autism so we have a TeamAroundFamily thing set up with social services to try and help us get them both into school (amongst other things) and they have assisted me in appealing for the closer school under rule 2 - special social or medical needs. We sent them a whole bunch of reports from our paediatrician, speech therapist, SENCO, just about everyone officially connected to our family, outlining our needs as a family for both DS's to attend this particular school. I also wrote a letter myself.

Got a letter yesterday saying that they had considered our information and decided that it doesn't sufficiently prove that the particular school we want fulfills our needs.

This basically now means that DS1 has no school place and will not get one in the forseeable future unless by some miracle enough children leave the school for him to be offered a place.

I don't know what to do now. I have honestly done everything I can think of and none of it is working. Want to bash my head against a brick wall!!

Any ideas? Help!

It isn't a fun situation for any of you but you have reached the end of the road re appeals, so you need to make the best of it. You could consider:

1. Home ed for both boys, at least until a place comes up for DS1
2. Send DS1 to school and either find bus fare somehow or walk (under 2 miles each way is not excessive for a 5 year old, though not ideal...a scooter or bike would help).
3. Could you get a better temporary pushchair via freecycle or similar...or could your DH cycle with one of those child carrier things attached if that was safe for DS2?
4. Do you have to go to college full time? If you could rearrange hours you could deal with one child while DH deals with another for the school run. DS1 could travel in a bike seat.

Lots of parents at my DS1's school travel in from quite far away on bikes, scooters and all sorts. Of course having DS2 with special needs makes things muc harder for you but you have to prioritise your DS1's education at the moment. He should be at school unless you/DH are properly home educating him, or he is losing out.

Also OP, how would you cope if the absolute ideal school for both of them was the one that's less than 2 miles away?

That's a genuine question by the way

I'm sure you'd have to put some sort of plans in place if the school was the best one for him.

DH and I are going to try and home educate him as much as possible when he is no longer at pre-school but I'm not sure how practical it is going to be or how much he will be able to learn with his brother having additional needs.

The pushchair we have (which I found in a charity shop :) ) is much better than the old one we had but I think we will find similar problems with most pushchairs at this stage, especially since he is quite tall for his age - a 4 year old is too big really for a pushchair but we don't have much choice until we can get the special buggy sorted out and they are ridiculously expensive to buy!

I do think that 4 miles a day is quite a long way for a 5 yr old, especially if he is sick and needs to come home (or something). DS2 also has sleep issues which affect DS1 (they share a bedroom) as some days he is exhausted from him brother keeping him up the previous night.

Arrg, it's an awkward situation!

Yes, worra, in that case we would have to try and find a way to make it work but in this instance, that isn't the case.

At the moment, the best school for both of them is the one that also happens to be closer!

Is there a home ed group in your area? You would probably find a lot of support from that source.

I feel for you, but if you don't think you will be able to home ed DS1 properly because of DS2, then you can't home ed DS1 and will have to get him to school. It is grossly unfair to keep him at home for convenience.

Also, if you can't show that you are home eductaing DS1 properly, you will soon have the LEA on your back.

I fear I might have the LEA on my back soon anyway if I don't send him to the other school but my worry is if we put him in the further away school and it is a logistical nightmare and he is always late or some days doesn't go at all because we've had a bad night with DS2 and he's too tired to walk I will get the LEA on my case for that too!

I can't win :(

Either send him to further away school and get into trouble for being late or not coming in at all?

Or

Get into trouble for keeping him out of school until school place at closer school becomes available?

Go check out the home ed board - you'll get lots of advice about the legal side of things. You don't have to show the LA much at all legally, unless they become concerned that you may not be providing an education (just like we don't all have to prove to social services we aren't abusive but they can investigate when there are concerns).

If you're happy to home educate for a while then you won't get into trouble for not attending while he's on the waiting list for the other school.

You need to sort out some kind of sleeping arrangement where DS2's waking in the night does not affect DS1. I know that it's difficult, but that's what you'll have to do, then DS1 won't have any trouble walking the 2 miles to school as he will have had a good night's sleep.

-We couldn't do the distances we have chosen without a car but having two children less than 2 miles away at the same school should be manageable-

DS2 will not be going to that school so even if DS1 did go there we would still have to take them to 2 different places.
Yes, but in your situation you have chosen those distances - we didn't.

I'm sorry but I don't think comparing my situation to that of yourself or your friend is relevent or helpful.

The whole point of me going to college is to get better qualifications so that I can earn more money to support my family. Without those qualifications I will be able to get a minimum wage job and will not be able to earn enough to support them.

That is why I go to college and why it is important to me to finish my course.

I'm sorry if you don't like it but I really don't care what you think because I know that is the best option for us in the long term.

DH does get paid - £55 a week from the government. If he went and got a minimum wage job and we had to pay someone else to look after him we would be paying hundreds to look after him and would probably be worse off financially.

I'm not entitled and I don't expect everything to be handed to me on a plate I just want the school board to take our circumstances into account and realise that we have genuine reasons for not accepting that school place - we're not just being fussy parents for no reason.

I would like to do that ILove but we only have a 2 bedroom house - where do I put him? He sleeps in out bed half the time when he has a bad night as it is!

Your DH isn't working so he should be getting both children to their schools or if he doesn't feel able to walk the distance he can home educate.

You only have three months of your course left so these problems are only short term. Once you are qualified and hopefully working your finances will look up.

I don't know whether your situation is bad luck or bad planning- but you now need to look ahead and think things through carefully so that you can improve your family finances.

Did you miss the deadline for this years applications? Like in our area, the deadline was in Jan and we'll be expecting the result next month? Have you recently moved as I'm thinking your son should be in reception class already?

I'm thinking if you missed the deadline and are applying for a y1 place, the LEA have probably struggled to accommodate you a bit.

I get you that a 4 mile round trip with your autistic DS in tow will not be ideal. Will it be possible for either one of you to stay with your DS2 whilst the other quickly whisks the other to school and back (DS1 could scoot to speed things up?). What time do you start college? Would they mind if you started 30mins later?

It'll probably only be for a short time until a place is found nearer to home.

Sorry, you've nearly finished your college, so I'm guessing you'll be hoping to be in a job by then.

I do think 4 miles a day is a long distance for a young child to walk if they have just started school and have done a long and exhausting day. It wld have taken 50 mins in one direction with a buggy and small child in tow. Then 40 mins back home. Then repeat - totalling 3 hours of walking a day for the adult involvd. 3 hours of sitting in a buggy for special needs child. I did something for similar for a short while and it was a nightmare walking in ice and heavy rain. I also felt really bad as my little one was pinned into a buggy for hours on end and could have been doing activities.

Maybe contact the LEA and ask thm to arrange transport as you can't afford it.

I suggest you ring round all the school one every three weeks until a place becomes available. Don't sit waiting for a place to come to you. Get yourself known. In the mean time home ed. Teach him his phonics and how to read. Do some maths. Then plan lots of exciting things like gallery visits or growing plans, painting and meeting up with other home ed kids.

Nope, didn't move recently or miss the deadlines for applications - applied last year for DS1 well within the time limit, applying this year for DS2 2 days after applications opened so definately within the time limit there!

We appealed last year for a different school which was slightly further away than the close school but still much closer than the far away school (?) because at the time DS1 was attending the nursery there and we wanted him to attend reception there so he could keep his friends and stay where he was used to going, etc..

Sorry, I'm getting emotional now I'm just so fed up of this whole thing, I just want him to be in school so he can be learning and making friends and doing all those things that every other child his age is doing.

I'm so sick of fighting, that's all I've been doing for the last year and everywhere I go, everything I do, everything I try I get turned down :(

Then I get people like married telling me I'm entitled and I want society to give me an easy ride and help me live the way I want because apparently my current situation is 'convienient' for me.

It is quite a long way, but we travel two miles or more every day, by bus, car and walking, and so do about 1/3 of the pupils at my dd's school. It's on the edge of a town and so many people don't live nearby it. What people do is: put them on the bus by themselves (they are allowed to do that, one 'school bus' a day), walk up and then go to work whilst other person is looking after your other child, use breakfast club, share lifts with other people.

Have you asked them if there is any LEA transport, you can sometimes pay extra if you are not entitled (it's usually for those above 2 miles away to the school place they are given, but you should check this).

I would consider HE if you are flexible about going to one of the other 9 schools that are nearer, if you are only down for one, no place may come up for years and I don't think it's realistic to think of HE for the long-term, plus how would you HE if you are out at work and your husband is a full-time carer.

How are you going to manage when you work? You will have to use breakfast club or something like that and I think one of you learning to drive, if you have two children in different schools is going to be essential.

Thanks sky, it's comforting to know there is someone else who knows what the reality of it is like instead of looking at it on paper and saying 'what's the problem, it's not that hard!'

I've been told the LEA will not provide transport unless the school is more than 2 miles away - we are literally 100m away from qualifying we've something like 1.972 miles away :(

Why didn't you go to college before starting a family op? Why does the government pay your dh £55 for staying at home to look after your boys? Why do you think that one of you should not be earning to fund your family? Why are you complaining about only having two bedrooms - who provides that for you? Who is paying for your full time course? Why can't you contact the school two miles away and see if there is a family you can share the school runs with? Why can't your dh do the journey for the summer term when the sun will be shining and the days long? When DS2 goes to a special school, why won't there be a school bus for him?

DH's grandad went down the mine on his 14th birthday because he was the eldest of 9 in a two up two down mining cottage and they needed his wages to feed the younger children.

You are not entitled to an easy life where you have not worked for that which you have.

Married, get off your high horse! All this bloody "down t'pit" rubbish. The OP has gone to college for the last 3 years and I'm sure she hasn't done it for the benefit of her health, she wants to provide for her family! Sometimes you have to speculate to accumulate.

I'd like to know what your accolades are!

Married, that was unnecessarily harsh. A little compassion wouldn't go astray. The circumstances that the op is facing sound very difficult and this hardly seems the time or the place for a lecture (or for whimsical comparisons with the child labour practices of Victorian times).

I see how frustrating it must be, and how unfair it must seem. I get so about all this 'choice' (what a joke) there is with schools, when the reality is the majority of people are very far from getting what they need, never mind what they want re. school places.

BUT you are where you are. You have fought a good fight, and you can carry on fighting, but you must take stock and formulate a plan with your DH based on the worst case scenario that your DS will not get a place in a nearer school. The reality is, that whether you are working, studying, getting DCs to different schools, dealing with disability/SN, it is very often a total NIGHTMARE managing school runs. The sooner you begin to plan for how to deal with your current situation, rather than holding out for a miracle, the better.

Sorry to be blunt OP, and I wish you all the luck in the world with getting things sorted.

Extremepie, don't go off what the website says, phone the transport officer and outline the situation, around here you can pay extra for your children to join the official school transport even if you live within the 2 mile catchment.

The person who said ring round the schools every two/three weeks was spot on, I found when I came to a new area, that the Schools Officer had less of a clue about the spare places and weren't up to date. I reckon a new child joins our 'full' classes every year, and about one leaves to live elsewhere just through natural movement. So, if you are flexible about which of the local schools he attends, you may find a place comes up within the next couple of months, especially if you proactively keep asking them. It doesn't stop you sitting on the other waiting list.

Finally, I kind of see where married is coming from, in that you seem to think it's unusual to have to travel 2 miles to school, or not have much choice, or have to accommodate another child with/without SN in getting everyone to school. It isn't, when I moved to our new town, there were 6 schools in the district, I was told five were full and got allocated one about 2 miles away, eventually I found another one, also about 2 miles away that was better. My children went to separate preschools/schools by several miles for years, it's massively inconvenient, but you can't just expect others to change it for you. In our case, one parent took one child each to their schools miles away, and then went to work (using breakfast club or being late!). It's what people do.