to feel upset and defeated and not know what to do next?

[extremepie]

Ok, bit of a long one but here is the short(ish) version:

My DS1 was 5 in Feb, and is not in school. He was offered a school place at a school just under 2 miles from our house, despite there being 9 schools closer to us, one of them being just 500m from us.

We cannot send him to the school he has been offered.

He is currently attending the same pre-school as his brother who has just turned 4 but will not be able to return after easter as he is too old, meaning that after easter he will have no pre-school or school place and will just be sitting at home with us until a place at the closer school comes up (he is currently on the waiting list)

DS2 has autism so we have a TeamAroundFamily thing set up with social services to try and help us get them both into school (amongst other things) and they have assisted me in appealing for the closer school under rule 2 - special social or medical needs. We sent them a whole bunch of reports from our paediatrician, speech therapist, SENCO, just about everyone officially connected to our family, outlining our needs as a family for both DS's to attend this particular school. I also wrote a letter myself.

Got a letter yesterday saying that they had considered our information and decided that it doesn't sufficiently prove that the particular school we want fulfills our needs.

This basically now means that DS1 has no school place and will not get one in the forseeable future unless by some miracle enough children leave the school for him to be offered a place.

I don't know what to do now. I have honestly done everything I can think of and none of it is working. Want to bash my head against a brick wall!!

Any ideas? Help!

Yes to whoever said get onto the transport officer. Schools are obliged to provide transport for journeys over the specified distances, but they can choose to provide discretionary transport in exeptional cases.

bicycle?

So DS2 is only in pre-school 2 x mornings a week any way? Can you not juggle between you for 2 mornings a week until your course finishes in a few weeks? I understand you're bogged down in it all but really, if you wanted to you could sort it out. I suspect you feel that it would be giving in or you would be losing out.

Is DS1 on the waiting lists and where is he on the list? At least your dh is at home if DS1 needs to be home-schooled for a bit.

Don't even know what to say at the load of rubbish from married. The pit??!! Seriously?! FFS.

I am sorry but I think the LEA cannot offer your ds1 a school place based on

1. How your family is choosing to address their transport needs.
2. A younger sibling who is not yet in school, and whose needs at the time of starting school may be different than what is predicted now.

They cannot take into the consideration that you are a family with two children, who cant work out how to get your kids to school in an adequate way. Or that neither of you have a driving license. I dont think either of these issues can be their concern.

Can you not cycle? If ds1 cant cycle 2 miles (My youngest could cycle 15 miles and back when he was 5) then your dp could take both kids in one of these ?

There's cheaper versions of the trailer Quint linked to on Amazon for just £70 ish

Cant you stick a buggy board thing on the pushchair for your ds?

Discretionary transport for those under the qualifying distance that is.

x-posted.

Oh dear...

Sorry, rant over!

Thank you to those who can see where I'm coming from and are offering helpful, relevent advice - I will keep trying but as you say I may have to accept another option if it looks like things are not going to change for a long time.

I realise that a lot of people are in difficult positions when it comes to schools, I don't think it gets any easier as they get older and move on to secondary school!

I'm just so frustrated because at the meetings with the TAF team when I give them the reasons for wanting DS1 to go to the closer school they all agree with me and think it very unreasonable for the school board to expect us to take him to the allocated school, but every time the school board disagrees with me and them.

Every letter written in support of our appeal agreed with the reasons I have, and said so, but again, the school board diagrees!

I am a bit confused. There are two schools within two miles, one child at each? And two adults, one of whom doesn't work?

One can't one adult walk with DS2 to preschool and the other cycle / scooter with DS1 to school?

You're in private rented now - any chance you could move so that you're equidistant to both schools?

Sorry, extremepie, I can see why you've been turned down. There are lots of things you can do to help yourselves to make your situation better. Can ds2 or ds1 share a bedroom with you to ensure ds1 gets a proper night's sleep?

Apologies for swearing, I don't do it often but this is an emotional issue for me and I'd just about had it with Married making snap judgements about me and my family.

She didn't seem to have anything useful to say, just came on the thread to critisise me and imply that I put myself before my kids, which I don't appriciate!

You are posting in Aibu, not Education, and not in Parenting.

Think a little about how you are presenting your case.

I am awfully sorry to caused offence but to me the facts are very clear.

The OP is taking a three year government funded course that will hopefully provide a route into a well paid job. This is because she doesn't want to do a minimum wage job like many others in society have to do.

The OP's DH does not go to work but receives £55 pw for not doing so.

The OP lives in two bedroomed rented accommodation and receives housing benefit.

The OP gets two mornings at pre-school for DS2.

DS1 has always had a nursery place to date within an educational setting but now he is five he is no longer entitled to it. He has been offered a school place but the location does not provide the op with optimum convenience and it is not in her opinion the best of nine or ten schools within two miles.

The family is in the "system" and has been formally assessed and refused at appeal for the school it wants for ds1 because they have been unable to prove their needs are such that they should be allocated what they want. Need and want are two very different thigs I would venture to suggest. The op has applied for what she wants, she didn't get it so she appealed the decision. The decision was not overturned at appeal. Therefore, regrettably on this occasion the OP cannot have what she wants she can have what she has been determined to need.

It is for the OP and her DH to determine how they access the school for DS1. They may have to have a conversation with the head with respect to lateness. If they don't think it is possible to make they journey, in the short term, the DH will have to home educate.

I agree with everything you have said married from "DS1 has always..." onwards but the first part doesn't add anything to the discussion and is just political axe grinding.

I have done many minimum wage jobs, there is nothing wrong with them other than the fact that they don't provide me with enough money to support my family.

They are not beneath me, it's not that I don't want a minimum wage job, it's just that we cannot manage on a minimum wage.

I won't be able to walk into a well-paid job as soon as I leave college, I will still have to work my way up but the qualifications I will have will give me the opportunity to do that, which I would not have had before.

You say because of your ds2's sleep issues, your older son is sometimes exhausted in the mornings. This sounds really tough, but it would surely be the case no matter what school he actually attends? . As a further reason for rejecting the school less than 2 miles away it really doesn't hold water. What would prevent you from getting the bus? You seriously can't let your sons education suffer like this when the difficulties are really not insurmountable.

If DS2 is due to finish at preschool in a couple of weeks, then is it really an issue that DS1's school is 2 miles away? In a few weeks you won't have to worry about 2 drop-offs. Your DH could walk DS1 to school with DS2 in the buggy. He may have to leave earlier to accomodate DS2 but needs must. He is a SAHD so doing a 2 mile school run won't impact on having to be at his job for 8am (e.g.) Then like others say, when DS2 is in school next year, he will be going by bus so DH will then be able to walk DS1 to school without dragging DS2 too.

Bedroom-wise, could one of the boys not sleep in with you? Maybe DS1, so that the three of you are well rested. Then there will be no need for lateness and DS1 won't be hanging.

Definitely phone transport and see if you could get DS1 on the bus, even if you have to pay a little extra. And keep ringing around the schools. Honestly, if DS2 is going to be going to school by bus then I don't understand why DS1 has to go to the closest school.

-You are posting in Aibu, not Education, and not in Parenting.

Think a little about how you are presenting your case-

I realise this, however, the amount of traffic on AIBU means that I am likely to get a response which I might not get in other forums.

and some of which you may not like!

You appear to be most keen to slag off the fact that you are not getting your way, than finding a solution that will actually work for your family!

Your course is only 3 more months, your dp is not working, your ds2 is 2 days a week in preschool, it appear to me that you have it very easy and is kicking up a stink over something that literally will be in the past, in a few months time,

TBH I am surprised you have not started Home ed already. Your DS is missing school and your sitting there saying 'but i want him to go to a different school.'
I don't want to sound harsh but the situation is as it is. Many people do not get the school they want and have to work round it. If your not going to send him, you need to be doing it at home. By the time this is sorted, he will be way behind the other kids.
I also kind of see where married is coming from. Its not unusual to travel that distance or have your children in different schools.
I didn't get my choice of schools for dd, I had to send her to one 3 miles away as opposed to a five minute walk. I kept call the other schools I wanted. At the start of year 2 a place at our first choice opened up and I moved dd. She was happy to move and I was too. It was difficult, but we managed. Because we had to. Keeping her out of school was not an option for us.

OP- leave the thread and post elsewhere, it was bound to get nasty and quite frankly, stupid.

Can i just say that some of your annoyance and feeling defeated is because it may be startng to hit home how different having a child with disabilities is when compared to other people's lives.

Also, out of a lot of families whose children have been offered a place at that school, you probably need it more and it is a shock to discover that the whole set up doesn't always make it easier for parents who are struggling with complex needs.

It does bring it home what having some conditions actually mean, when the baby stage is over and they have to go to school and that can take time to deal with.