to tell an elderly gent to f*ck off

[Helenfellows33]

i was on a family day out on a steam train and on the way home an infirm old man got on with his carer. she left shortly after and he was on his own in his wheelchair with me and my dh and dc's. this journey was about an hour long and ds being cranky started to cry. and the old man turned to him and shouted at him to be quiet boy. at this i told him to shut the fuck up and a list of words i cant mention here. dh backed me up although i was telling a friend later she said he was ok too this as he was old, we are now not speaking cause of this. AIBU for doing that to an elderly person.

Do you not watch Jezza Vile?

Mostly, I like to comfort myself with the thought that they don't really exist. I know that's not true, but it unnerved me to know that I'm wrong and the OP walks amongst us.

:(

OP I'm genuinely curious, what were you expecting when you started this thread? Are you quite surprised by the reaction you've had?

for those who want to know what i actually said was "why don't you shut the fuck up you old git"

YY, but what about the 'list of words' you felt you couldn't repeat on here? Or have you conveniently left that out?

You're bad parents. You swore at an old man who said "quiet" that IMO makes you a bad parent.

If you were to re-do the trip, would you have handled things the same way, or differently?

It's people like you OP, who are, what is wrong with this country.

I am disgusted - if I was there, I would have asked you not to swear in front of my family and to stop being so aggressive to the elderly gentleman.

Something else occurs to me, too.

I was brought up by older parents, probably a bit more traditionally-minded than others of my generation. I was taught very firmly to respect my elders- we used to be sent round to elderly neighbours' houses to do their gardening, and if we did anything indicating a lack of respect then there was big trouble. (E.g. - I once said I was bored, out loud, when visiting my great aunt's house; I was about 6. I got a walloping!)

If an elderly man had said anything to us, we would have been expected to suck it up. In their day, any member of the community had the right to tell off a child and be listened to. I think nowadays people are so much more defensive and certain of their 'right' not be be spoken to in a way that they don't like that they seem to think it is reasonable to react offensively.

I am so, so saddened that the OP and people like her are unable to teach their children to at least make allowances for the elderly: they are of a different generation, with different values, may possibly have dementia and, in this case, could well be living with chronic pain. Certainly he was unable to remove himself from the situation.

One of the first times I went out after having my baby, and old lady said something horrible to me on the bus. I can be very mouthy, believe me- but I just bit my tongue and got off the bus rather than say anything, even though I privately thought she was a horrible bitch.

Wrong forum OP.

---> off you go with your potty mouth.

The minute the swear words have left your mouth you have lost respect - he was in a wheelchair, i think it shows guts for him to ask your child to be quiet and you should have apologised nicely and focussed and calming your child down . Think you should avoid public situations until you can keep your temper in check, you are a fool. Nothing worse than howling brats on a train accompanied by fools disguised as parents

Helen: "I said shut the fuck up to an old git. AIBU ?"
Whole thread in agreement: YES YABVVVU
Helen: No I'm not nobody speaks to me like that.

Well Helen you're on the wrong thread then, asking the wrong question.

8 pages of YABU, without exception - not often that happens. I think that's an AIBU Mega-whack!

Why did you even start the thread if you are convinced beyond reasoning that you acted fairly and reasonably? You don't seriously think that you did, do you?

You sound awful.

(Btw, I was going to ask if the OP was Kat Slater. I've not watched 'Stenders in a few years, don't know who's in it now.)

Oops, 9 pages now!

The old man sounds like my father - he shouts things like that at my children all of the time.

The reason he does this is that a number of years ago he had a severe stroke. It affected many areas of his brain including those that deal with humour and self control. He would never have shouted before about such things.

Another factor which makes it worse is that the stoke makes him subject to severe bouts of depression. He has limited mobility and continence issues and cannot leave the house without assistance, so why would he not be depressed.

So, I think YABU, you should never speak to anyone like that, especially the elderly and infirm as you have no idea what is underpinning their actions. That said, you do not have to tolerate anyone being rude to you or your child, but there are better ways of dealing with it.

wonders what the words are that you can not mention on here

you know your actions were uncalled for and that you have not set a good example for your son. learn from it and stop with the no one talks to my family like that rubbish it makes you sound like a twat, grow up and learn to deal with situations like this in an adult way

i would have got the next train and avoided the old man. thats what i would have done differently. after i said what i did he did continue moaning but i had ds by then and was keeping him calm. i have said all i said in the thread btw.

if this man had mental issues the carer would not have left him.

ljgibbs is right, it is people like you that is destroying this country :(

I don't think I've ever seen such a unanimous AIBU. When the whole of the thread is horrified, you can be sure you are very much in the wrong.

And you are a bad parent. You both are. People like you disgust me.

i have said all i said in the thread btw

Is that your way of saying you have nothing more to say? Effectively you accept that YABU?

YABU. Everyone agrees. And you still don't.

Is there any point in this thread?

__

He was wrong to shout at your son.

But he didn't swear at your son and he didn't threaten him, so yes YABU to rant and swear at him and then say he threatened your child. You sound far more threatening that he does.

If he had shouted at my son I most likely would have told him not to shout at him anymore but not in the way you did. Shouting "shut the fuck up" and following it with a list of words you can't even say here is going too far, especially in front of your children and presumably other families with children as well.

We've been on these steam train rides because my son loves trains and I would have been shocked at what the man did to your son but appalled and furious by your actions in return to him if we had been on the train with you.

All you are doing is teaching your children that it is okay to rant, swear, threaten and intimidate anyone who says or does anything they don't like and you are contributing to everything that is wrong with society these days.