to tell an elderly gent to f*ck off

[Helenfellows33]

i was on a family day out on a steam train and on the way home an infirm old man got on with his carer. she left shortly after and he was on his own in his wheelchair with me and my dh and dc's. this journey was about an hour long and ds being cranky started to cry. and the old man turned to him and shouted at him to be quiet boy. at this i told him to shut the fuck up and a list of words i cant mention here. dh backed me up although i was telling a friend later she said he was ok too this as he was old, we are now not speaking cause of this. AIBU for doing that to an elderly person.

CreeepyWeeBrackets
Lovely post.
And reading this thread proves that not only are there some nice people in the world, the vast majority are.

He said "be quiet boy" in an aggressive tone

So you told him to "fuck off" - oh but you didn't use an aggressive tone so that was alright then.

He was hardly a threat to you was he. Its not like he leapt out of his wheelchair and started brandishing a rolled up Daily Express at your son or pelting him with werthers originals items.

a train journey and an old man saying 'be quiet boy' IS everyday life!

OP. You are disgusting. I don't care what someone says to you. You do not tell a stranger to fuck off in front of your children (or any children). Simple as that. If I'd overheard you, I would immediately assume you were an uneducated low life. I have never ever heard my parents use the 'f' word and I am in my late 30's.

you cant judge someones character for one instance.

why not? you and your husband did..

and I have certainly judged you by your own admitted behaviour.

you're going to run into people who annoy you all the time, so are your children, are you going to yourself learn to deal better with your annoyance and then teach your children to deal with their own? or are you going to teach them that shouting and swearing and making yourself look like an utter twat in public is the way to handle things?

those are your options.

the man did initially get on with a woman man and two other adults. all of which discussed who would stay with the man. the woman who i assumed was his daughter but wasn't sure stayed for a while. she then left for the other carriage for about 20 mins during which us when he shouted. he moaned and grumbled for a bit. carer came back at the end of the journey, he didn't mention anything to her either.

makes you wonder why none of the others wanted to sit with him?

16 pages 16 !! still not accepting responsibility for her foul mouth then ? I wonder what she would do if ever her son when old enough out playing an elderly person tells her DC off for being too noisey outside their house

Oh fgs woman, stop arguing the toss- you were quite wrong, nobody thinks otherwise. You are sounding more aggressive and unhinged by constantly trying to justify your behaviour. You are a foul specimen of a human being [gavel]

that's what i was going to say soverylucky! perhaps it was the sweary gobby chavs and their screaming child that they were avoiding.

hmm, i wonder whether you would have been as brave had his daughter/carer stayed with him the whole time? me thinks not.

also, i reckon you told your best friend to fuck off too and thats why she isn't speaking to you now.

Swearing at an old man in a wheelchair. Well done OP, a perfect example for the next generation of yobs..

how would they not want to at that point both dc's where quiet with us. they where discussing who would stay with him.

Wow. Didn't you ever get taught to respect your elders?

Once, as I wheeled my pram onto a bus, an old lady sat in the priority seats by the buggy bay, yelled "You better not put that bloody brat near me" (my DS never cries on public transport; dunno why, he just really enjoys it, I guess). I replied "I hope people were nicer to you when you had a baby" in a calm tone. She then seemed to droop and said something like, "Sorry, love. These pills I take give me terrible headaches. Kiddies screaming set them right off. Makes me nervous, y'see". I reassured her that if my son did cry, I would make sure he quietened down and commiserated with her on the headaches. She then chatted quite nicely to us and made her hanky dance to keep my son entertained. By the time she got off, I knew all about her grandchildren and she said she was going to say a prayer for me that night (I didn't like to tell her I'm an Atheist!).

That is how you react (although perhaps some posters might consider my response rude and I respect that). I have a hot temper and am far from perfect but I am able to control myself and am always conscious of setting the best example possible to my child. OP, letting yourself lose control in a massive over-reaction and verbally attack and abuse a vulnerable person will have far, far worse and longer-lasting effects on your son than you 'letting someone speak like that' to your family. His words would have been forgotten quickly by your son, but seeing your parents behave like that lasts a lot longer and does much deeper damage. Do you understand how alienated and limited your son's life will be if he doesn't learn the basics of how to behave decently in society?

I so want to believe that people like you don't exist OP and you're just a troll.
But you keep coming back defending yourself, and you have a posting history.
I'm utterly depressed now that there are people like you in the world.

16 pages of consistent YABU comments and you still can't see how vile your behaviour was. Swearing in front of your children is very damaging. Can't you see that?

i wasn't being noisy shouting or chavy. i only swore when he shouted.

OP, a lot of elderly people don't cope well with excessive noise. Perhaps having an awareness of that might have made you understand why your child's noise was so disturbing to him.

Back

Laundry on line, re-cycling in bins, baby fed and entertained

Did I miss much?

I wasn't being noisy shouting or chavy. i only swore when he shouted.

Says it all.

YANBU

YANBU to think the old man should not have told your son to be quiet. YABU to lose your temper and behave in a crass and common way, completely lacking any dignity and losing the moral highground by ranting and using foul and abusive language towards him. Hope you feel like a bit of a prat now. If I had seen it I would have looked right down my nose at you and sided with the old man, however grumpy and unempathetic he was being about your child.

Anyway - this happened to me once in Sainsbury's tea, having tea with a friend after school, 6 children aged from about 4 to 11 between us. They were not being noisy or raucous, far from it. Sitting nicely, eating nicely, chatting and laughing at a perfectly acceptable and normal volume. The old man on the next table leant across and said (quite calmly and politely) 'could you please ask your children to be quiet? they are disturbing my meal.'

My friend and I looked at one another a bit and we said (equally calmly and politely)

'No, actually. We cannot. Sorry. They have a right to chat as much as anyone here. They are being perfectly well behaved, not at all noisy considering there are six of them, and it is a public place. If you want total peace and quiet you are welcome to move to another table, or perhaps you should just stay home in future.' We smiled tightly but firmly, and he said no more about it.

That is the way to do it.