To think my best friend's niece IS bloody gorgeous!

[IAmPoshInnit]

Have only posted once, as a joke, but this has made me :(

A little background: Am very close with my best mate's parents, spend some holidays with them, even stayed with them for two months whilst getting sorted after Uni.

We were all sat around her oldest sister's house today getting pissed drinking moderately whilst kids played in garden. Her boys (triplets! she says she is DONE with babies), middle sister's DS 8, and DD 5, parents, me, my BF and my mate.

My mate has been seeing a bloke for two months now and they have a brilliant time, so everyone was teasing them about getting married. It was all a laugh until my mate's mum says, 'Well, hurry up, because I need a pretty little granddaughter to dress up.'

Middle sister's DD has Downs Syndrome.

Well that sobered us up quick. Parents left pretty soon after, the dad looking embarassed. Middle sister bursts into tears and says not once has her Mum ever brought an outfit for her DD, though she's very fashion conscious and buys clothes for the boys. She even gets me jumpers for Christmas. Says her mum also never started a fund for uni like she did for the boys either, but what would she be like, complaining her mummy doesn't buy her daughter clothes? The mum does buy the DD toys for gifts though.

I love my friend's mum like my own, but I don't think it's my place to say anything. Should somebody say something? And what? Middle sis looked so sad as she was collecting the kids to go home.

Am a bit skint at the moment as just moved house with bf, but he says we should go to BabyGap and buy her a shedload of clothes. :(

And btw, the DD is the sweetest child-- very pretty and girly and LOVES clothes. She was wearing a tutu and bunny ears at the house. :)

My god, that's awful.

Yes. Someone should say something.

I think you should make a point of giving her a hug and saying to her that her daughter is beautiful and wonderful.

If it was me, I'd be saying something to the mother. her attitude is vile.

Oh that's sad :(

Oh that's horrible . Not sure what else to say really but if you are in a position to say something then I think you should as presumably the mum doesn't realise just how hurtful she is being.

Just utter

How awful for the sister, and all of you really, to have been put in such an awful situation.

You sound like a good friend though and I think the key is to pour oil on the flames rather than fan them (as I'm sure you will)

I would have to say something - does she realise the what she is doing? I have a son with autism and learning difficulties, I would be very hurt and angry if any of my friends or family didn't accept him in the same way as my dd.

That's horrible.

I understand you don't feel you can say anything, but I think it would be nice to say how beautiful she is, not because the girl's mum is doubting it (and I'm sure she isn't) but because it is hurtful to hear that from anyone, let alone your own family.

I think your DH's idea is a nice one, but it's not really about the clothes, is it? It's the attitude, and you being lovely isn't going to change that. It would be a nice thing to do though... Do you have any photos of them as a family? Maybe your friend's niece with her mum? I think if it were me someone saying "your DD is beautiful - remember this wonderful day when X happened?" would mean more than anything right now.

Er think I'm muddling my metaphors there. What I'm trying to say is I think its your place to soothe the situation rather than wade in. Sorry!

Oh God, that is horrible.

Did the mum realise what she'd done? She sounds awful.

What does pour oil on the flames, mean Vivi? (Sorry, failed chemisty :o)

She knows I love her DD, Hecate, we play X-factor with her all the time, filming her on our phones, she's a ham. We all hugged middle sister and older one said she felt guilty/had no idea.

In the past, when someone has called my mate's mum on saying something offensive, she cries and gets so upset, the other person usually ends up apologizing to her.

If you know the Mum well enough, I would ask her if she realises how much she upset everyone with her comment. But then, I work with people with LD and am known to be gobby on the subject.

Charity shops often have decent stuff for kids at silly prices if you want to treat your friend. I know it's not the same as new but might fit your budget better. Also supermarkets.

Oh, understoon Vivi.

I've only had one sip one sip of wine. I'm useless, ah tell thee.

I think probably this time OP no one will be apologising. She needs to learn.

understood, rather.

You're right, Grace, it's not about the clothes. Now, that I think about it, she is a bit odd with the DD, and doesn't do outings and stuff with her, but I thought it was because usually the nephews like to do 'boys' things like go to the footie, that she doesn't like. Also, she says things like, 'Don't hug the breath out of Nan.' whenever she hugs her, and she gives brilliant hugs. :(

It seems obvious that she is not proud of, or comfortable with her grand-daughter. Very sad

Oh OP, how sad. My younger brother has downs and believe me, even the closest of relatives will let their true values accidently slip out in drink. Those things can't be unsaid.

My aunties who are otherwise lovely people would often want to take me off shopping and on outings but wouldn't even entertain the idea of looking after my brother when we were little (despite my Mother often looking after their lot plus us two all at the same time).

we also had an otherwise nice neighbour who put a big paddling pool out in their back garden one summer, she threw her gates open to the whole street but then stopped my brother (who had turned up in his trunks with his little beach towel like the rest of us) to say 'not for you son'..

Of course thats just a tiny tiny climpse of the discrimination my brother has experienced throughout his life. Sadly your BF's sister is going to have to learn to deal with/ confront these things.

Oh, allthequeens--that's terrible! :( Did your mum say anything?

Dreadful attitude. The poor sister.

Middle sister has always been the shy one (not loud and brassy like us :o) but ever since her DD was born, she's become a lot feistier, having to deal with doctors, the school, thick strangers. But I think it just gutted her coming from her mum.

allthequeens that's unimaginable

Let her cry.

I loathe people who cry to try to manipulate others.

She needs telling that she's totally out of order.

Then chuck a bog roll at her to snivel into and let her stew.

I'm literally crying at this, how awful that such a difference is made over an thing like that. These poor children. I'd be inclined to spoil her myself to make up for it, but I don't think that really challenges the real issue, which is the the Granny isn't treating her grandchild particularly well. If my mum did that with my children, I'd be devastated, no matter what her reasoning was.

Iamposhinnit Yes but not before I'd had a go at her too. There is only a couple of years between me and DB but I developed an incredibly thick skin (and big mouth) at a very very young age (I remember getting into my first barney aged 5 when a lad of about 12 pointed and called him a spacker).

I can't explain the rage, the sheer fury and hurt that rises up when people bully or humiliate my brother but luckily I had the sense to turn that into something positive as an adult and became a social worker. I am ferociously protective of the children I work with and now work on a more of a strategic level influencing policy and delivering training (not necassarily relating to children with disabilities but for other vulnerable children/ groups).