To think my best friend's niece IS bloody gorgeous!

[IAmPoshInnit]

Have only posted once, as a joke, but this has made me :(

A little background: Am very close with my best mate's parents, spend some holidays with them, even stayed with them for two months whilst getting sorted after Uni.

We were all sat around her oldest sister's house today getting pissed drinking moderately whilst kids played in garden. Her boys (triplets! she says she is DONE with babies), middle sister's DS 8, and DD 5, parents, me, my BF and my mate.

My mate has been seeing a bloke for two months now and they have a brilliant time, so everyone was teasing them about getting married. It was all a laugh until my mate's mum says, 'Well, hurry up, because I need a pretty little granddaughter to dress up.'

Middle sister's DD has Downs Syndrome.

Well that sobered us up quick. Parents left pretty soon after, the dad looking embarassed. Middle sister bursts into tears and says not once has her Mum ever brought an outfit for her DD, though she's very fashion conscious and buys clothes for the boys. She even gets me jumpers for Christmas. Says her mum also never started a fund for uni like she did for the boys either, but what would she be like, complaining her mummy doesn't buy her daughter clothes? The mum does buy the DD toys for gifts though.

I love my friend's mum like my own, but I don't think it's my place to say anything. Should somebody say something? And what? Middle sis looked so sad as she was collecting the kids to go home.

Am a bit skint at the moment as just moved house with bf, but he says we should go to BabyGap and buy her a shedload of clothes. :(

And btw, the DD is the sweetest child-- very pretty and girly and LOVES clothes. She was wearing a tutu and bunny ears at the house. :)

Diddl - I was suggesting the shopping trip as a way to show the grandmother what a lovely time she was missing out on with her gorgeous granddaughter.

Four4Me - your ds is a gorgeous chap, with a beautiful smile. Indeed, all your dc are lovely, and look like they are great fun to be around.

But surely the mother already buys the daughter "pretty things" so the GM can already see what she is "missing out on"?

The little girl is 5-that´s quite enough time for GM to have bought stuff if she wanted to, surely?

I do see what you are saying but can´t help feeling that anything now is too little too late/sympathy shopping.

Good morning,

Update on 'Nangate', which is what we are all calling it.

When the older sis went up to talk to her mum, she, as expected, made it seem like we were all picking on her and that we all say things we shouldn't. She brought up the fact that last month, the GF told off the boys for being 'little animals'. But that's hardly the same thing, and to be fair, they were all eating their tea with their faces in their bowls, pretending to be dogs. . Older sis said that she has always acted that way toward the DD, and said even the boys notice. The mum got very upset when she heard this and said 'That child'--the DD is turning her whole family against her and tearing the lot of them apart and she knew this would happen the minute she was born. So older sis was like .

But then the mum went on to say she doesn't want her daughter to be angry with her or her grandsons to think she is a witch. She said she will try to act more loving. And older sis said 'act'???? And that's when the dad called up the stairs that the roast was looking done.

The mum is going to go to middle sis's house today with some of the leftovers, but it doesn't sound like anything will be resolved. :(

Oh and Four your little boys are adorable! :)

Its a crying bloody shame

but I dont think you , or anyone will ever to be able to change that Grandmothers' views

so they need to make a decision about how much they allow her in their lives

They can still have family get togethers, just dont invite Granny

bloody sad, but common too .

Oh dear.

Someone needs to tell GM that when you are in a hole-stop digging!

"That child"-well, she´s made her feelings clear, hasn´t she?

And to blame the little girl when in fact it is her who´s destroying the family by not acknowledging her GD.

So sad, but how lucky your friend is to have friends like u and your bf.

I can't believe attitudes like this still prevail, thank goodness there are lots of positive family and friends around her.
I think you generally expect support from your mum of all people, and when that isn't forthcoming it's heartbreaking.

OP are the family ok with you relaying the situation on the internet? There is a lot of detail and it would be easy for them to recognise themselves.

Horrible woman. She seems to actively dislike her DGD, blaming her for the family problems. She certainly doesn't love her.

I think she's going to end up causing a rift in her family that isn't ever going to be fixed. And the saddest thing is that I suspect she will place the blame squarely on DGD's shoulders for it.

Oh how awful the poor little girl. Hope it gets resolved but sadly I think the GM is probably too set in her ways to change now.

So all that fuss is due to the five year old girl not the grandmother? It's all her fault for being "wrong" FFS

Can't be actors? Have they watched glee or upstairs downstairs. If someone can act they can act

Thanks thebody, I am lucky to have all of them.

Nurse I didn't expect this thread to have so many answers/so much support, so I didn't ask before I first posted. But yesterday when I called middle sis to say 'Happy Mother's Day' I confessed and apologized like mad. I would never do this, but when it happened, I was so upset and shocked almost felt like the mum had died and left us, if that doesn't sound too dramatic. Middle sis was ok with it, said just don't publish our location, kids' schools. They are not really online, except for posting the kids' pics on FB. She said maybe reading this will help someone else who thinks like her mum overcome their ignorance.

Ahh they sound lovely. I understand how threads can run away with themselves sometimes, I think this one has touched a good few of us .

Good few?

Good many

" said 'That child'--the DD is turning her whole family against her and tearing the lot of them apart and she knew this would happen the minute she was born."

This attitude is incredibly disturbing. Accusing a 5 year old girl of being capable of turning everyone against her, actually believing that, is so detached from reality I don't know what to say. It's as if she views her as an enemy within her family. I don't want to sound over the top but she sounds like she's very good at portraying herself as innocent (the tears, having people apologise to her) when really she's quite clever and knows exactly what she's doing (the snide comments, the different treatment).

It sounds like the grandmother wont change her attitude, in which case the middle sis or other siblings need to ensure that she doesnt get away with her horrid views.

I am surprised that this sort of thing is still going on. I just dont understand it.

My friends DS is the most loving little boy ever and while he cant do some things because of his knees we always make sure that when we are all together he is included.

The mother needs her eyes opened. and a good slap

I think this thread also reminds us that however well we get on with friend's parents, we don't really know them like their own children. I was very close to my best friend's Mum when I was a teen, and thought she was great (compared to my slightly embarrassing Mum).
However I lost touch for a while, when I got back in touch I discovered the Mum had totally alienated one daughter, and was blamed by the others of virtually pushing them into abusive relationships. It did make me realise just how special my "odd" Mum was.

How awful. The GM referring to DD as "that child" and believing that she is responsible for splitting the family, says it all really. She won't change her attitude, even if she pretends to, because she clearly doesn't feel any love for the child.

If I were the DD's mother, I would focus now on protecting DD from GM. If DD isn't already picking up the negative feelings she will soon. I would be disinclined to spend much time with GM going forward.

OP you may want to re-think how much time you spend with the GM too; dreadful woman.

My DD has a brain injury, she has seizures and moves awkwardly, when she was bron my MIL and SIL were full of promises to help out and visit. We never see them, they tell us all about the holidays they take my three nephews on, tell us all about the craft fairs and days out. Whenever they see us, quite regularly, they treat DD with kid gloves, always tell me that "she looks normal" or ask stupid questions and tell me I shouldn't worry etc etc.

The nephews are now treating their little cousin (my DD) differently as well, making comments and it is so depressing.

What makes me saddest is that they are the ones missing out, just like the Nan in your post, she doesn't get to see what is truely in front of her eyes. My MIL doesn't see that my DD has blonde hair or crystal blue eyes, or a laugh that is infectious and a character that is one in a million. I hope your family issue is resolved, support the middle sister as much as you can, and know that it is better in the open.

I wouldn't buy clothes though, i wouldn't want to have the things DD missed out on as a reminder, but I do have some cracking pictures of my DD and her cousins and those mean more to me :)

Mummytime this really has me thinking of my own mum too. She's very serious and could be a bit strict when I was young, but she always supported all us kids in whatever we did. She has actually met the DD 2 or 3 times, and has pronounced her 'supremely cuddly', which was a shock. My mum does NOT use the word 'cuddly'. :o I feel like when she gets back on her cruise, I will take her out to lunch, just for being her.

Sometimes I think the DD does know, because once when we took her to a train station (her favorite place) she said, 'one day nan will take me here, but not until I'm big and I'm only little.' She said it out of the blue, which means it must be on her mind.

She sounds an absolute sweetie.

It must be a shock to have DS baby, but you must have a heart of stone to not be able to get over that & treat your own daughter´s baby with anything other than utter love.

And surely once you´ve fallen in love with them that can´t change?

This thread is really very moving.

It's so frustrating, infuriating and sad that this woman cannot love and appreciate her granddaughter.

And that such depressing attitudes (fears?) still prevail about Down's Syndrome.

I'm afraid if I was the middle sister I would be totally heart broken to hear that my mother had said those things. I don't think I would ever be able to get over it and that mother /daughter relationship would be distroyed. I think that she is lucky to have you and her sisters on her 'team'.

If I had a quid for every 'they are very loving children' quote I've heard in the last 8 years, I'd be sitting by the pool in the Barbados! But it is true most children with ds are very perceptive and not only loving but can see through the actors. It is that GM's loss. She may find herself a very lonely woman. What a horrid end to what you describe as a picture book close family

Hugs from me to the middle sister, she must be hurting. (((())))

Can't STAND it when relatives treat a kid differently because they are SN, adopted, or any other reason. It's so wrong and so disrespectful! It would not be out of line to pull the mother up on it and be prepared for tears and other emotional blackmail.