in thinking there's nearly always an element of choice in the decision to go back to work?

[benetint]

I would never judge anyone (mother or father) for going back to work after having children. I think its entirely individual choice, whatever works for each family.

However I'm getting a bit sick of people saying to me "oh its okay for you being a SAHM, I had no choice to go back to work" when they clearly have a nicer car/go on holidays/live in a bigger house/nicer area etc.

DH and I decided that one of us would stay home to look after DCs till they were in school. As he earned more we decided this would be me. Its not been easy financially by any stretch and we've had to stay in a not-so-nice area, not have holidays etc etc.

But what I don't understand is people who say they have no choice in this matter. Surely if there are people out there who can't afford to pay for childcare then the people who can afford it are choosing to do so? (I obviously make an exception for single parents here, who can't rely on someone else's salary).

I understand that people may have to go back to work to support the lifestyle they currently have...but if they really wanted to they could downsize/move to a worse area/not have a car etc etc.

Anyway I'm not looking for s SAHM/WOHM debate, I'm just a bit tired of biting my lip every time I hear the same comment.

Tarka, its a shame you have to resort to abusive language to try and get your point across.

Your welcome op. jeez.

I love it when people read threads properly

Yes it's a choice. But well done for winding people up. Why the fuck do you care?

We have done it all on our own without any help from anyone. And I'm proud of that. And incidentally is love to be a SAHM. But you'll also note that instead of justifying the decisions I've made by slagging off those lucky enough to be SAHMs, I just try to defend my own position. Thanks for making me feel guilty again though! Always good to know I could have done things better!

Hiya petitema! Haha I've just seen your YANBU post, sorry for not thanking you earlier, I'm trying to wade through all this thread as I can't believe how its taken off!

Spammer. You have nothing to feel guilty about. As long as you and your family are happy with your choice then that's fine! I'm glad you admit it IS a choice. That was my whole point originally.

Sorry bene too much mother's day vino.

Tarka, there's not really an argument for me to counter in your post. You've just described your situation and I'm sorry to hear it. You may be one of the few people who do have little choice. But you are not representative of the whole population. And it is a shame you had to resort to rudeness when I haven't.

Totally a choice - one based not on the desire for luxury cars and holidays (pmsl where is my Jag!!!) but my wish to coninue to develop my career and stretch myself mentally and professionally - I LIKE MY JOB and make no appologies for that

Thank god I continued working because that meant when my ex decided to shaft another woman I could walk away from him with dignity and the ability to continue to support my children

I am 100% HAPPY with my choice - so much so I do not need to start thread having little snide digs at women/parents who made different choices inorder to justify mine :)

Tarka, Its a shame you think people believe WOHMs to be neglectful to their kids. I certainly don't.

Yes, but threads like this DO make me feel guilty. The implication that if I did things differently I could do what I'd love to, and be at home full time.

I'll say it again - I have never once, in RL or on here, ever criticised anyone else's choice. Because who knows why they made it.

Op I actually find you very condersending and smug, with regard to your comment on Tarka having "little choice" what you you suggest she do?

In fact don't answer that question, as it will be another judgemental swipe at how living on anything but the breadline when going to work when having kids is a choice that you see yourself fit to judge people on.

Boak.

Very pedantic, I think - to say everyone has a choice. That may be so, but it might not be a choice anyone would want to make, or indeed one that would be sensible.

OP - why does it always have to be the woman who stays at home?

What on earth is wrong with choosing to work, anyway? I mean, obviously Good Mothers don't want to work - if they are in the workplace they are Crying Inside at the baybees snatched from their bosoms...

...but instead of assuming that we're all being forced out of domestic paradise to the cruel, cruel world of the office perhaps some of us like our jobs.

Silly me for not having a job that pays enough to afford a house on one salary. Or rather, silly me for choosing a husband who earned significantly less than me when we bought our house at the height of the boom. Silly me for not being able to find a house one can afford on one salary.

astronaut79 leave him the bastard

I would, but he cooks my tea!

Well that's clearly emotional abuse, playing on your vulnerabilities!