AIBU to stop buyng The Independant because of this ad?

[NowThenWreck]

The one from Fathers4Justice, where they accuse MN of:

"carrying abusive and distressing anti-male content which promotes gender hatred against men and boys"
and, apparently, labels "men and boys as rapist, peados and wife beaters."

The ad has a lovely picture of a sad little boy with words like "rioter" and "homeless" and "sperm bank" written on his skin.

I am confused, as I have never come across a thread on here where people routinely call men paedophiles and rapists. In fact, usually, if someone implies that a man being left alone with a child is dodgy, posters will pile in and say "God, don't you know not all men are paedos.?"

As I understand it, this is a forum for discussion, not a political movement with a manifesto. There are many and varied opinions on MN, and the minute one opinion is aired, another will be along to refute it.

Or should I just laugh at F4J? The ad is quite gruesomely funny.

It's not unreasonable to expect a child live 50/50 with both parents. Not at all.

As for the CSa ...I think it's child benefit that's the deciding factor. Who has that gets they maintenance , although at a 50/50 split its not much you'd get as there is reductions for overnight stays.

The reason for that is connected to hrp (pensions) for stay at home parents/ lower earners although I'm not exactly sure how that still works with the new pension/tax laws coming in .

Traditionally it is the mother that earns less or goes part time after childbirth so it sort of an assumption that the mother is primary caregiver in most families ( together or separated parents).

CSa isn't perfect , but remember it was originally set up to claw back some (single parents) income support money back for the gov ...from parents who abandoned their children financially . The money used to go to the gov and the rp would get a token if on benefits . It wasn't originally ment to cover marriage break up situations , maintence used to be set in court as part of divorce settlements..it wasn't until later that it was used as overall maintence system.
It still gets tweaked .

50/50 should be a minimum starting point, that is what I am saying..
If either parent doesn't want their 50% then that is their decision, but it should be a starting point. Not, one parent gets to decide whether or not they allow access.

Don't worry, I won't be forgetting about my son, that is for sure..

SigmundFraude Thanks.... yes, am looking forward to not having to worry about what is going to happen next... or what the exDW is going to do. It is a pretty horrible feeling to always be on your toes, wondering what horrible thing is going to happen next.. and what you are going to be accused of.

I am hoping that one day I do get to be with my son... and he will get to know what a great dad he has..

So who decides from the starting point? At the end of a relationship both sides are rarely reasonable. Anger and bitterness always plays a huge part so someone impartial needs to step in. Mediation will benefit both sides but what happens to the child whilst this goes on?

Well personally I think people should be vetted on their parenting abilities before access or residency is given. And assessed for Mh problems .

And also parenting classes should be a compulsory part of the prenatal medical care ...anyone who doesn't do it doesn't get their baby home until they do .

Mh screening should be part of prenatal care too...anyone with issues should get the care and extra help they need before they are left in charge of a child.

LadySybilDeChocolate That is a hard one... but you shouldn't have to wait 2 months to go to court to get it to happen that is for sure. I would be good if both parents took the concerns of the child first before their own.

A tiny bit off tangent ...but if the child is left in the care of the truly most responsible parent ...they won't be used as weapons.

but if the child is left in the care of the truly most responsible parent

Exactly, but that isn't how it works... it is how it should be..

That takes money though droves. Antenatal classes here were cut back, there's no money for them. It's a very good idea though.

You shouldn't have to wait 2 months, the courts are so busy though that there's little option. 2 months in the world of a small child is like 2 years though. They can't remember what happened 20 minutes ago, let alone 2 months ago. It's no simple is it? There's so many factors involved.

auschopper...

I can imagine it's a horrific experience. I know someone else went through the same thing, and it was truly upsetting. I don't blame you for leaving, not at all, at some point you have to consider your own health and sanity.

It must be soul destroying. Keep records of everything that has happened, keep records and photocopies of everything you ever send him, if you think he may not receive them. One day, you will have the opportunity to tell him everything that has happened. Keep faith.

droves, lets say the mother (or the father) has met someone else during the relationship with the other parent, and has walked out to be with them. The remaining parent, usually responsible, isn't going to be responsible at all, they are going to be angry and feel betrayed. The child is going to be in the middle of this. Families break up and they rarely break up nicely. This is where the majority of the issues stem from.

Lady ...that seems to be the thing these days ...cut backs that have lasting effects , and not always good.

Am actually quite surprised that no one has came up with prenuptial type things but for babies.

Plan a baby sign a paper stating that you will take 50% responsibility for that child in financial emotional and caregiving until the age of adult responsibility.

Would solve a lot of problems

i don't understand his attitude

He says he doesn't want contact through a contact centre
He says he can't use the CAB as his wife is using them (???)
He has been advised to talk to people in relationships and legal to fully explore his options
etc etc

And yet there's just this defeatist attitude and oh I'm going to australia

The fact is he could see his son, he chose not to.

Then the other parent is an utter scumbag ....not for leaving a relationship , but for leaving their child .

And the parent who is rightly hurt and angry is in the wrong for using their child as a weapon.

As I said Sardine, you don't understand because you have no experience of it.

How would parenting classes, mental health screenings and signing documents prevent one person stopping contact and behaving like an arsehole further down the line/the next day?
What if you weren't deemed responsible or agree with these parenting classes? Who is the government to tell me how to raise my child? And what sort of screening for mental health would we conduct? (I work in mental health - this could be a great money making career for me).

And two wrongs don't make a right droves.

We'll go back to the 'utter scumbag'. Is it right for one parent to stay in a relationship just because they have a child? Isn't it better for the parents to separate so both can find someone who makes them happy? It's easy to lose sight of what's right.

Is that how it works? Maybe that is why you dismiss the difficulties women are in around the world, because you are not experiencing it.

And I don't understand why anyone who could see their child, would decide not to, and then whinge about it and totally disregard all practical advise that if offered. I guess I have more get up and go than that.

SQ : Do you want to pay for my legal bills? They keep piling up and piling up..

Yes, I might have a defeatist attitude at the moment, but when you continually get kicked around, as I have for the last year and a half, you soon start to realise that you are fighting a battle you are never going to win or more importantly get anywhere. Going into it I thought, how can they not realise what is going on and put a stop to it... I can tell you what would eventually happen is that I would be sitting in jail for something that I didn't do... given the justice system here, I can really see that is what would happen... Imagine if I picked up my son, with a massive lump on his head, and then I got blamed for it when he came back, even though it happened before I picked him up... how would I be able to prove it wasn't me. I know this woman, and would I put it past her.... no way....

You try doing what I have done for the last year and half and see how sane you come out the other end.

No lady , that's not what I ment . If you leave a relationship you leave a relationship . I don't mean you should stay in one for the sake of a child. But if you forget you even have a child because you are with someone new then your dumping the child and your scumbag.

Slowest ...I suppose anything that might cause problems for a parents ability to care for a child. Or be rational . Being a child with a parent with an untreated Mh problem is horrendous.

what's the point of labouring the point that you would never do that ('abandon' your child) or that you have "more get up and go than that" (i.e. I'm better than you).

I think the point has been made - it sounds like a pretty awful situation, I'm not sure making yourself bankrupt, having police at your door asking about false accusations etc is particularly good for anyone - not to mention if she's allowing contact then not allowing contact. Is someone supposed to spend 18 years torturing themselves and being emotionally abused?

'Maybe that is why you dismiss the difficulties women are in around the world, because you are not experiencing it.'

Sardine. I do not dismiss the difficulties women are in around the world. I dismissed a post. Quite how you would come to the conclusion you have is beyond me, but unsuprising.

I appreciate the difficulties women are in around the world. I also appreciate the difficulties men are in around the world.

I chose to focus on humankind. You chose to focus on women.

SQ, I must admit, I find it very hard to understand too.

I had to go through the family courts, which, to be frank was a very draining and stressful experience. I can understand why people get fed up and frustrated, but giving up entirely? No way. Never even considered it.

Actually aus you mention not having taken up the option of a contact centre or considered it before. Would you consider it now?

'Is someone supposed to spend 18 years torturing themselves and being emotionally abused?'

I think that's pretty much what is being suggested. Which is all well and good if you're not the one having to go through it. Easy to say what someone 'should' be doing when it's not you.