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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to stop buyng The Independant because of this ad?

821 replies

NowThenWreck · 16/03/2012 12:00

The one from Fathers4Justice, where they accuse MN of:

"carrying abusive and distressing anti-male content which promotes gender hatred against men and boys"
and, apparently, labels "men and boys as rapist, peados and wife beaters."

The ad has a lovely picture of a sad little boy with words like "rioter" and "homeless" and "sperm bank" written on his skin.

I am confused, as I have never come across a thread on here where people routinely call men paedophiles and rapists. In fact, usually, if someone implies that a man being left alone with a child is dodgy, posters will pile in and say "God, don't you know not all men are paedos.?"

As I understand it, this is a forum for discussion, not a political movement with a manifesto. There are many and varied opinions on MN, and the minute one opinion is aired, another will be along to refute it.

Or should I just laugh at F4J? The ad is quite gruesomely funny.

OP posts:
droves · 17/03/2012 14:48

Aus how are you going to be in your sons life when he is old enough to wonder where his dad is ?

How will you manage that from another country ?

How will you even know he is wondering if you are not around to see it ?

flippinada · 17/03/2012 14:48

But you were offered the contact centre to see him, and chose not to use that option. This is what I think people are finding hard to understand.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 17/03/2012 14:49

Read the posts slowestwildebeaat. Aus said he was offered contact at a contact centre and didn't take them up on it.

droves · 17/03/2012 14:50

....cause one high five a thread is just not enough .

SardineQueen · 17/03/2012 14:50

It is annoying that this thread has been hijacked TBH.

Loads of people have given you great suggestions, pointed to areas of MN where people with experience and expertise would be able to help you.

Instead you have this defeatist attitude. And are clagging up this thread about F4J and MN and M&S even though you say you have nothing to do with F4J.

I mean, threads on MN do meander but this is just silly.

flippinada · 17/03/2012 14:52

SQ, you're right. It's probably best not to engage.

LadySybilDeChocolate · 17/03/2012 14:52

I like Marks and Spencer.

Child contact centres are not bad places, far from it. Why don't you go and have a look at the one near you?

auschopper · 17/03/2012 14:52

So, what am I spose to do... I was unable to build any sort of routine with my son.... sometimes I would be able to see him, then not, and then see him, and then not... how was this fair on him? All I wanted was for consistent access, and expected the courts to uphold it, which they didn't. So I sit there wondering what the hell is going on, and why they allowed this type of behaviour to continue, when at the end of the day, the only person being hurt is my son.

If I thought that going to a contact centre would do any good I would, however, that was initially suggested, but exDW lied saying that she did not have transport, and couldn't afford to do it. I didn't have a problem picking him up from the house, except when I would turn up, there would be arguments, and all in front of my son, which was I believe not acceptable. They would get addressed and then it would be back to the same old same old the next time. Then I would turn up to pick him up, and then get told you aren't going to see your son, with your son looking at you all excited to see you through the window, and then only to see you have to walk away.

flippinada · 17/03/2012 14:53

Has anyone seen Justine's statement? (link on the right in Mumsnet Latest).

auschopper · 17/03/2012 14:54

The Contact Centre for FFS would be only good if she was to drop him off there..

And for gods sake, there was no where at all where I said a contact centre was offered!!! I have only just said it now, and at no point was there ever a contact centre up... as it was dismissed at the first hearing as not being workable.

auschopper · 17/03/2012 14:56

How will you manage that from another country ?

No different to living here to be honest...

Aus how are you going to be in your sons life when he is old enough to wonder where his dad is ?

I will come back for visits... but suspect that I am not going to be able to see him anyhow.... even though I am in the country now, I don't get to see him..

droves · 17/03/2012 14:57

Sardine it's off on a tangent ....

I find it does have a strange sort of parallel with f4j ..

Both have started making valid points ...and along the way have been railroaded off into something quite different ...and at times quite disturbing from all points .
F4j would be better to encourage men to have and encourage healthy relationships with the kids instead off all the nasty woman hating /men hating slogans.

auschopper · 17/03/2012 14:58

Loads of people have given you great suggestions, pointed to areas of MN where people with experience and expertise would be able to help you.

Yes, it has been great.... I don't have to be part of F4J to be a father who isn't allowed fair and reasonable access to son... I am a separated dad...

LadySybilDeChocolate · 17/03/2012 14:59

F4j would be better to encourage men to have and encourage healthy relationships with the kids instead off all the nasty woman hating /men hating slogans. Well said!!

ShellyBoobs · 17/03/2012 15:03

Has anyone seen Justine's statement?

The one with the joke about Fruitshoots in there for the 'MN elite' to snigger over?

droves · 17/03/2012 15:04

Infact I think fathers for justice is discriminating in its very name.

What about the mothers who are without their children ? Where is there justice ?

Parents for justice would be a better , somewhere for Nrp of any kind to organise visits /care giving/ mediation ?

droves · 17/03/2012 15:05

Sorry their not there ( damn iPad)

auschopper · 17/03/2012 15:06

I guess for me, the whole thing comes down to.... as an equal parent, why should I have to fight and fight for access to my son.

I think it should be law, that if you separate, and there are no DV issues, then the child should automatically spend, 50/50 with both parents... and you shouldn't have to go and fight it out in court to get that access... If one parent steps out of line, they get penalised. With a 50/50 split, the father is still having to pay child maintenance... now I am not complaining about paying CM, but you both have the same costs.

At the moment, all that needs to happen is that the mother can withdraw all access, a quick call to CSA to say that the child spends no nights with the father, and then the father finds himself, without any input paying more child maintenance.

While F4J may be a bit misguided in their approach, I have never said that I support them. I support Separated Dads... but I guess part of F4J is that when you reach the point of desperation, things do become clouded. Why shouldn't it be reasonable to expect that the child spends time 50/50 with each parent as a minimum unless it is agreed between both parents.

auschopper · 17/03/2012 15:06

What about the mothers who are without their children ? Where is there justice ?

Very rare that this happens....

LadySybilDeChocolate · 17/03/2012 15:08

There should be no automatic right for either parent to see their child, each case should be looked at individually. There's a lot of toxic parents out there, mothers as well as fathers, and the problem here is that a toxic person can't see how damaging they are to others so feel victimised. I wouldn't want to work in Family courts.

SardineQueen · 17/03/2012 15:11

50/50 only works if the parents continue to live reasonably near to each other and are happy to commit to continuing that situation while the child is at school. It's a big commitment and one I suspect many couples - even ones who are not at loggerheads - would not be terribly willing to make.

SardineQueen · 17/03/2012 15:12

At the moment the legal situation is that the child is at the centre, and the decisions are supposed to be made on what is best for the child.

That is the correct way of doing it.

LadySybilDeChocolate · 17/03/2012 15:12

That's impractical though aus. My son's father left when I was heavily pregnant. Despite my feelings towards him I welcomed him when our son was born as I wanted my child to have a relationship with him. He used to turn up late, sometimes never at all. He chose to leave the UK when our son was 3, he never writes, never calls and hasn't seen our son for 18 months. Should my son spend 50% of his time with a father who really doesn't care? Parental rights are complex, a one sized fits all approach simply won't work as no two families are the same.

flippinada · 17/03/2012 15:15

So contact centre was never actually mooted as an option auschopper? I'm a bit puzzled that you didn't mention that before, as it was a focus for much discussion.

Shelly, I don't think that the fruit shoots quote is the point of the post. What did you think of the rest of it?

SigmundFraude · 17/03/2012 15:19

SardineQueen - you said 'I don't understand your attitude.' to auschopper.

I think in this situation you really need to walk a mile in his shoes to understand.

auschopper - you have been treated badly on this thread by some. I hope you find peace in Australia, I hope you continue the fight from there. Good luck.