AIBU to stop buyng The Independant because of this ad?

[NowThenWreck]

The one from Fathers4Justice, where they accuse MN of:

"carrying abusive and distressing anti-male content which promotes gender hatred against men and boys"
and, apparently, labels "men and boys as rapist, peados and wife beaters."

The ad has a lovely picture of a sad little boy with words like "rioter" and "homeless" and "sperm bank" written on his skin.

I am confused, as I have never come across a thread on here where people routinely call men paedophiles and rapists. In fact, usually, if someone implies that a man being left alone with a child is dodgy, posters will pile in and say "God, don't you know not all men are paedos.?"

As I understand it, this is a forum for discussion, not a political movement with a manifesto. There are many and varied opinions on MN, and the minute one opinion is aired, another will be along to refute it.

Or should I just laugh at F4J? The ad is quite gruesomely funny.

" Although, didn't stop her from getting the police to arrest me for another matter , and then having to go through the court process twice to prove my innocence, and I was found not guilty and the magistrates wondering how the hell it got to court in the first place."

Really? That's shocking, and again it sounds very odd.

I'm sure the police don't just arrest somebody and then charge them just because somebody wants them to.

Aus. I can't believe that this is the end of your fight for now. You seriously must have a rubbish lawyer.

I have no money.... credit cards are maxed out, and have sold everything I can... plus have a massive solicitor bill to pay as it is. I don't want to end the fight, but you have to say enough is enough. Especially when you don't get the support of the courts, and then you see what your little boy has to go through.

When you have your little boy going around and closing up all the doors, as he knows that it is almost time to go, and then you put him in the car and he is distant and obviously confused as to what is going on, and thinking that he has done something wrong, you have to take an objective look at things. Can you keep putting your son through the distress? When you know he wants to spend more time with you, but you can't give it to him... it is very frustrating...

None of your situation is the fault of MN or M&S though.

You're going to move to Australia?

You could have contact though, couldn't you? There is a contact order and you could have contact at a contact centre?

Having had personal experience of family court, I find it very hard to believe that a solicitor specialising in family law, who is any good at their job, wouldn't be able to use this information to make a case against your ex.

flippinada : It is if their neighbour was a retired chief of police... and yes, even though I was completely legal, some information was ignored and not investigated even though I told them they should look into it further.

It wasn't until it got to the magistrates court that firstly, they said, this is very complicated and we need to have a trial, that they then got all the information together and the the CPS went, wow, how did this even get to court. It stopped me being able to drive for 3 weeks, and my car being seized.

Am I right in my understanding here, you were offered access at a contact centre but chose not to take that option - can I ask why? If it was me I would put up with any inconvenience to see a child I loved desperately.

It wasn't the inconvenience at all. It was every time I went to pick him up there would be a massive confrontation with the exDW father. I didn't want to go down the contact centre route, because I believed that his age it would have been too upsetting.

Part of the contact order is that I am spose to be getting photos of my son every month.... this hasn't happened for the last two months, and what photos I do get aren't very good either.. The courts are just going to say, send the photos, and then nothing gets enforced, as with everything else that has happened..

It isn't what I want for him.... definitely not, what I do want is for him not to be used as a weapon or bargaining chip. As it is I have my parents who aren't ever going to be able to see their grandson.... and that breaks my heart more than anything in the world, as they are getting on a bit, and I so desperately wanted to have them involved in his life...

So the police arrested you on her say so, because her next door neighbour was a retired chief of police?

Again, this all sounds very odd.

I appreciate this must all come across as unsympathetic but the situation you are describing really does sound absolutely bizarre.

Look Aus. given the number of women I know who after being hospitalised by their exes and still having to give access I find you case really hard to believe, that said I do believe you.

your case.

Aus ... Jeez . Your ex sounds like my mother .. My dad did what you are doing ..giving up .

Seriously ...if your ex does not have you to vent her anger on , where do you think it will land ? The nearest and weakest available target. Your son.

You have to keep fighting for your son.

Go to citizens advice if you have to .

Stop paying her money apart from the maintence . Use it to fight for your son.

If you don't , you've condemned the child to a horrible life....at least if your around he will have a safe place to go to if he need to.

I think I understand why she lives with her parents ....so they can keep an eye on her .Try making contact with them and state that you want to do what's best for your son.

"It wasn't the inconvenience at all. It was every time I went to pick him up there would be a massive confrontation with the exDW father"

Oh right.

But didn't you say upthread that your exFIL tried to bring your DS to see you - if he is or was trying to facilitate access, why would he then make a scene at the contact centre?

None of your situation is the fault of MN or M&S though.

Umm, by some posters in this forum yes... some are of the opinion that it is ok to use the child against the father and use them as a bargaining chip.

It is like saying that all MN users are for equal share of the child, which some maybe, but there are also some who think it is ok because the man is the bastard. There is a mixture.... and your comment seems to suggest that this doesn't go on at all, and at times certain topics don't engage those types of users on the forum...

"Umm, by some posters in this forum yes... some are of the opinion that it is ok to use the child against the father and use them as a bargaining chip."

Really?

I have never in all my time on MN (8 years) see someone say that its ok to use a child as a bargaining chip. Anyone who did suggest this would be rounded on.

OK, I have been sympathetic-until now.
You are going to move to Australia??

See, however hard/awkward/ upsetting it was to see my son (if he didn't live with me) I would still be around, pushing for more contact, building bridges.

And if my Ex and NRP was a crazy as you say yours is, I would be even more determined to stay in the picture.

You are going to give up on your child, so for all your tug the heartstrings soliloquies about how much you love your little boy, it sounds to me like you are all talk.
Sorry.

Auschopper- going by what you have said, would you consider posting in Legal and see if anyone can help you sort out what you should legally be paying?

I can see that you want to be with your child, but she is making it difficult and some people may have AIBU hidden who are in the Legal professions who can give you sound advice and support.

Auschopper .... Some people think its ok just to jump on a plane and never see their child again ...but it's ok because the ex is difficult .

Your from F4J aren't you ?

Ahhhhh I see because amongst the million users one or two, that I've never seen, may think they can use their children as a barganing tool it's Mumsnet's fault for you not having residency of your son....which you've never tried for.

Actually the people to blame, if anyone, for your access woes are:
Violent men
Abusive men
Law making men
Men who run off and abandon their children
Men who refuse to pay for their children
Men who do very little childcare
Companies and industries that create and encourage the pay gap
The expectation that women will always take the part time job
The expectation that women should be the main child carer
Your ex
Your lawyer
You

I appreciate this must all come across as unsympathetic but the situation you are describing really does sound absolutely bizarre.

Yup, and I am at the end of my tether..

Seriously ...if your ex does not have you to vent her anger on , where do you think it will land ? The nearest and weakest available target. Your son.

I know, and am I sitting here upset about it, because I know that is what is going to happen, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it! I know that he is going to be the target, and I know that he is going to be treated extremely badly.... The one thing I am great full for is the fact that she is with her parents, but given their past record of ignoring this behaviour does concern me. I do worry about him all the time, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I can't go to citizens advice, because that is where she is getting help from.

I have tried to plead with her parents, but they get it in the ear all the time from her, so it can't be pleasant. Her father was really supportive, but then he started to get attacked by her and his wife..

I also don't get the comment about the FIL causing confrontation. There are a lot of contradictions here.
And the police seizing your car? Was there concern that you were going to try and take the child out of the country?

I can't go to citizens advice, because that is where she is getting help from.

WTAF?

of course you can go to CAB- she doesn't have a monopoly on their time or assistance!

I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone on MN who thinks it is OK to use a child as a bargaining chip.

If you did somehow manage to find one, you would also find a person getting the flaming of a lifetime.

Aus ... Have you ...

Contacted your ds doctors / health visitor ?
Contacted your ds nursery ?
Maintained contact visits at contact centre where the staff would notice how you act and how your ex acts ?
Contacted exws parents about concerns over her Mh
Contacted the councillor you both saw who said your ex has a possible personality disorder ?
Asked your lawyer to contact councillor to see records ?

Or even contacted sw over concerns over your ex's ability to care for your son...?

You've not done enough

Now you ex and her mother are beating up your exFIL?
And this has turned him against you?

I thought that the whole point of contact centres was that the two parties didn't have to meet, so how is there a problem of fighting there?

Why don't you see your son at the contact centre?