AIBU to stop buyng The Independant because of this ad?

[NowThenWreck]

The one from Fathers4Justice, where they accuse MN of:

"carrying abusive and distressing anti-male content which promotes gender hatred against men and boys"
and, apparently, labels "men and boys as rapist, peados and wife beaters."

The ad has a lovely picture of a sad little boy with words like "rioter" and "homeless" and "sperm bank" written on his skin.

I am confused, as I have never come across a thread on here where people routinely call men paedophiles and rapists. In fact, usually, if someone implies that a man being left alone with a child is dodgy, posters will pile in and say "God, don't you know not all men are paedos.?"

As I understand it, this is a forum for discussion, not a political movement with a manifesto. There are many and varied opinions on MN, and the minute one opinion is aired, another will be along to refute it.

Or should I just laugh at F4J? The ad is quite gruesomely funny.

Ultimately, I would be the one who has to pay all the court and solicitor fees, as it is turning out at the moment. It is just ridiculous...

What I should have done, is taken my son, and kept him... do I think that is what I should have done for my son, definitely not... I strongly believe that the stability of the child should come first, and his needs first, and do I think keeping him from seeing the other parent, definitely not...

Anyhow, the thing is, did I want to give up on my son.... NO WAY.... have I had to... Yes... When you have to keep going back to court.....

As it is, my parents, living in Australia aren't being able to see their grandson, and all the rest of my family, and will never be able to, as apparently it is too disruptive. It really breaks my heart. How someone can do this, is beyond me, but I just hope that one day, he will eventually be able to see his grandparents, and one day I he will want to be with his dad.... maybe one day it will happen, maybe it won't....

I agree with Bogeys idea of writing to him (I'm old fashioned and prefer paper to emails though...spose you could print them out and keep them)

Buy and write cards on every birthday, christmas, easter etc...

Keep them all and show him when he's old enough for contact without his Mother intervening....that will show him you never gave up even though financially you could no longer carry on.

Auschopper, just to clarify, can you tell us if your ex denied the contact the courts granted you?

Bogeyface : I keep a little blog going, of all the things that I wanted to say to him, and all the things that I loved about him... and everything that has happened as well.... I do love him so much... he will be poisoned against me, I know that, but when he is older hopefully he will understand why I had to do what I had to do.

Do you pay support for your child? I hope so.

Do I pay child maintenance.... yes I do... I pay over £700 a month... and well, at the last court hearing, although exDW was on over £1300 a month, she apparently could not afford to feed our son... even though, she has absolutely no outgoings as she is living with her parents...

DioneTheDiabolist : exactly, so why was he being treated by such a criminal? That is what I don't get... The mother walks out, takes the child, and then the only way the father gets access sometimes (i do know of people who do think of their children first and deal with the separation like adults) is to go to court, and then, they have to have supervised access? This is where the injustice is.. if you don't think it is injustice, imagine it the other way around..

So because she is getting £1300 a month you should pay nothing?

£1300 a month is peanuts these days btw, and the money is for your son not her, and yet you still resent paying it?

OK, thats it, limited sympathy is done.

Auschopper, has your ex denied the contact with your son that the court granted you?

calling someone a prick is plain insulting, that could have been worded better.

Oh come one give the guy a break!

He's paying over £700 a month and god only knows what in constant legal fees as well as trying to keep a roof over his own head.

He has not said he resents paying for his child and to call him a prick or a deadbeat if well out of order!

Really if the shoe was on the other foot and most men walked out and took the baby, there would be utter outcry and phrases like 'financial abuse' from the courts and Government because that's what's stopping a mother from having access to her child.

Bogeyface

When I have I said, ever that I regretted paying child maintenance? I have paid it and continued to pay it for the last year and half... I can't believe that you automatically assume that I regret paying it, is it because I am a man, therefore all men are in your words, deadbeats and pricks?

When someone stops you from seeing your son, even with a court order, that is my fault, so how the fuck isn't it her fault?

Financial disclosure is wonderful thing when going through a divorce, because you find out out and can prove all the lies and deception.. I know how much it costs to bring up a child, as I did it for a year...

I know how much her outgoings are....they are nothing!!!

£1300 a month is peanuts these days

considering I have to actually live on much less..... more like £300 a month, as I am continuing to pay for everything... and nothing comes out... I pay for mortgage on the marital home, fuel, car, her house, insurance, and everything else...

Come on Worra, he's avoiding my question, why didn't he take the access he was given? Did the ex actually deny it? Or was it a case of 'it's not enough so I won't see my son at all?'

You're a deadbeat.

Wow, and MN doesn't have any of these type of users... and why would F4J use MN in an advert.... how dare they huh.....

auschopper you have my sympathy. It is obvious that you have tried your best and are being stymied at every turn. It is equally obvious that some odious posters on here are looking to turn the screws, just to make it even more painful for you than it already is. They should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves, but they won't be and manage to prove your point more eloquently than you ever could. Some good advice from more rational posters though.

runningforthebusinheels : sorry.... not real quick on the keyboard.... yes access was denied even though there was a court order in place, and it took over 2 months to get back to court... every time...

Sorry, for the late answer to the question...

Well you still havent answered WHY you are not seeing him!

I was sympathetic but you dug yourself into a deadbeat hole!

Why are you not seeing him? Because she wont let you or because you could and choose not to?

X post.

OK then stick with fighting as far as you can and making sure that your son knows, when you do get a relationship with him, that he was never far from your thoughts.

I apologise for calling you a deadbeat, I am not in a good place myself at the moment, but from the other side iykwim.

puchai : At the end of the day, I just have to get on with things... and that is not to say that I don't want to have anything to do with my son... I absolutely love him to death, and would do anything for him...

The worst thing is, that I am only allowed to buy him two presents every year... one for his birthday, and the other for christmas... when all I want to do is be with him, without any restrictions...

Anyhow, I hope one day that I can be with my little boy, and somehow make up the time that I am missing with him... that is the hardest bit, because all I want to do is to be with my little boy, and give him the love and time that he needs...

f4j will love this, calling someone a deadbeat and prick when they want to see their child and pay child support? What are the men/women who don't want to see their children and resent paying for children they both created called?

Ridiculous. I'm embarrassed for you.

Just as you dealing with an ex who is blocking contact, many on here are dealing with exes who refuse contact. I think there can be a quickness to judge on both sides.

Bogeyface My little boy, is never far from my thoughts... I think about him every day... every hour and every minute... I cry a lot thinking about him, and how I miss him... and how much I want to be there for him... maybe one day I will point him back to this thread, so that he knows how much he meant to me, and how much I desperately wanted to be part of his life...

And being forced to see your child at a contact centre isn't fair, but at least it creates an independent record of any denial of contact by your ex.