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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband feeding baby from a jar

153 replies

Ilikechocs · 14/03/2012 20:03

DS2 is 16 weeks old today. He's a breastfed baby with the odd formula bottle. Has a bit of a cold just now so was up a couple of times last night, having previously slept through.

Had an appointment at teatime for a well needed haircut so DH came home from work and took over. Came home from haircut to find half empty jar of puree on worktop. DH had decided he needed it, hadn't discussed it or anything.

Got a bit annoyed as, with our other children, I would have preferred to start with baby rice when he was first weaned, I would also have taken photos etc and most importantly, I don't think he is ready for it. I would also have made purees myself, although have nothing against jars. I also wouldn't have given him his first taste of solids at 7pm incase it resulted in a sore tummy in the night (which I will have to see to!) Have told him that if DS2 is up in the night, he will have to get up, not me.

Clearly, DH doesn't believe in the art of communication. Am I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 14/03/2012 20:05

It seems strange that he would randomly give food to a 4 month old

nellyjelly · 14/03/2012 20:06

Not unreasonable. Should have discussed it first. Plus suggestion is to wait until 6 months.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/03/2012 20:07

Yes, you are right to be annoyed.

TidyDancer · 14/03/2012 20:08

Have the two of you talked about weaning? It's rather random he'd just do that if you hadn't discussed it before.

The two of you have as much right as each other to decide on these things, but it's just weird he's taken it upon himself to just do this.

catgirl1976 · 14/03/2012 20:10

I was going to tell you to "leave the bastard" thinking he was already weaned and you were just being precious over him having food from a jar as a one off instead of home made organic.

However, reading your OP, YANBU.

Very odd he just "decided" to wean him with no discussion and no involvment from you

I would be very cross and hurt tbh

thisisyesterday · 14/03/2012 20:10

i would have been more than annoyed if my dp had decided to wean any of my children at 16 weeks

wtf was he thinking?

(for the record though baby rice is totally pointless)

Sirzy · 14/03/2012 20:11

Seems an odd decision for either parent to make without talking to the other!

OriginalJamie · 14/03/2012 20:11

I probably would be annoyed, although I'm not sure that would be terribly reasonable either. Mostly because I was person-in-charge-of-deciding-this-sort-of thing. Is that what you are, normally?

Mine were weaned well before 6 months as the recommendation was 4-6months then.

It's maybe a bit of a random thing to do (I presume an attempt to get him to sleep through), but I'd try not to make too big a deal of it

TidyDancer · 14/03/2012 20:12

Mine were before 6 months as well, so that aspect wouldn't particularly worry me, it's the random nature of him just deciding to do it that's so weird!

nappymaestro · 14/03/2012 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OriginalJamie · 14/03/2012 20:14

This is making me think, though.. as a SAHM, I suppose I saw it as my right to decide this sort of thing. I'm sure I told my DH about it, discussed it, maybe .. but not made sure I had his agreement

RightUpMyRue · 14/03/2012 20:18

I'd be furious and feel very let down. Guidelines say 26 weeks for a reason and I would expect my DP, as a conscientious and caring parent, to know the those reasons and discuss with me fully before doing anything like that.

ShowOfHands · 14/03/2012 20:21

It's not even the 26 weeks bit of the guidelines that would piss me off. It's the not at all before 17 weeks bit that's the problem.

Why have you the jar in the house btw?

BackforGood · 14/03/2012 20:22

How come you happened to have the jar lying around if you weren't going to use it ?
If he's gone out and bought it, specially, then it doesn seem odd. If it was in the house, then it doesn't seem odd. It depends how much you 'discuss' every decision you make for all your children in some ways though - with our first, it would all have been discussed, but, as you say you have older ones, then most couples become a bit more relaxed and trusting of their partners to be able to make decisions about things for their own children.

Mama1980 · 14/03/2012 20:22

I would be pretty cross tbh Sad
6 months is recommended now and your right the time at night etc just seems very odd. I spent a week or so planning what to give my ds making purée s etc-though have no issue with jars- watching his reactions..... Yea I would definitely be cross and a little sad. Very odd he would do this

ShowOfHands · 14/03/2012 20:22

I ask why you have it because sometimes dh will see things and assume their presence means they're intended to be used. Like a new tub of laundry detergent on the side. He won't check for a half used box, he'll just dive in iyswim because he assumes it's there for a reason.

PrincessWellington · 14/03/2012 20:23

My guess would be he's been talking to a well meaning relative! Or a colleague.

marriedinwhite · 14/03/2012 20:25

When DS was a baby (17 years ago) the recommended weaning age was 16 weeks. He was big and and very hungry and I couldn't (and neither could formula) satisfy him by 12 weeks. The HV told me to move him to solids. The GP told me to move him to solids. My mum told me to and my MIL told me to. I started with a teeny spoon of baby rice; I tasted it - yuk. He tasted it yuk! Heinz pear puree was far superior and within a few feeds he was on half a jar. Didn't upset him but made him happy and me happy because he stopped needing a feed every 45 minutes.

17 years on he has 11 A*s, plays rugby for a London club, is 6'2" and totally fit and healthy. He has no allergies and a reasonable temperament for a teenager.

DD who is 13 at 11 weeks started feeding similarly and I lot 10lb in 8 days because I physically couldn't keep up with her. She started weaning at 12 weeks too but I just didn't seek anyone's opinion. She's tall, slim, blonde and rather clever.

I think you are being a bit U but I don't blame you because the mantra has changed - in a year or two it will change again.

attheendoftheday · 14/03/2012 20:28

YANBU. When to wean is the type of decision to make together. Does your dp feel you've been making decisions without him or something?

I would have been very unhappy about this.

ComposHat · 14/03/2012 20:28

Unless he was feeding him a jar of tadpoles - I can't see what there is too get too worked up about.

McHappyPants2012 · 14/03/2012 20:28

When my dc where that age I had to leave clear instruction to dh, other wise he would not have had a clue cue alot of phone calls.

Yanbu to feel annoyed

ShowOfHands · 14/03/2012 20:28

marriedinwhite, the guidelines have been 6 months for 9 years now and were 4-6 months for 20yrs before this.

And how tall/healthy/brilliant your children are is marvellous but it's nowt to do with weaning or a recommendation for early weaning. It's like me saying I stepped out in traffic and didn't get run over, therefore it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Anecdote does not equal data.

WilsonFrickett · 14/03/2012 20:29

married when you - or I - weaned our children and how clever they now are isn't really the point of the OP though is it? It's what to make of coming home and finding DH has unilaterally decided to wean without any discussion Hmm

RagamuffinAndFidget · 14/03/2012 20:34

I would have been pretty angry with my DH if he'd done this, so no, I don't think YABU really. The guidelines and recommendations for weaning are there for a reason - those who can say 'I/my child/my family/my friends were weaned at x weeks and are fine' are pretty lucky, but I was weaned pretty early and now have massive food issues, am very overweight and have been diagnosed with an IBD (Ulcerative Colitis). So, for me, early weaning is now a big no-no and I would be seriously hacked off if DH had gone behind my back and started weaning without discussing it with me first.

RitaMorgan · 14/03/2012 20:34

I'd have been really pissed off if DP did something risky with DS without discussing it.

Yes, some babies were weaned onto weetabix and gravy at 6 weeks and survived, but that doesn't stop it being a stupid thing to do. Lots of babies were also weaned early and suffered life long gut and digestive problems because of it.