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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband feeding baby from a jar

153 replies

Ilikechocs · 14/03/2012 20:03

DS2 is 16 weeks old today. He's a breastfed baby with the odd formula bottle. Has a bit of a cold just now so was up a couple of times last night, having previously slept through.

Had an appointment at teatime for a well needed haircut so DH came home from work and took over. Came home from haircut to find half empty jar of puree on worktop. DH had decided he needed it, hadn't discussed it or anything.

Got a bit annoyed as, with our other children, I would have preferred to start with baby rice when he was first weaned, I would also have taken photos etc and most importantly, I don't think he is ready for it. I would also have made purees myself, although have nothing against jars. I also wouldn't have given him his first taste of solids at 7pm incase it resulted in a sore tummy in the night (which I will have to see to!) Have told him that if DS2 is up in the night, he will have to get up, not me.

Clearly, DH doesn't believe in the art of communication. Am I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:

UnlikelyAmazonian · 14/03/2012 20:43

I don't know what the fuss is . he can make a decision can't he? What is the age on the jar? I don't think it will do any harm at all. My ds was textbook baby and he is four - weaned at four to five months no problem. It's not set in stone and the 'advice' is always bloody changing anyway as someone else said.

Are you worried about it because your H is irresponsible in many other areas of your marriage? Or just pissed off/upset because you didn't get to do it first/were there when babe had his first jar? I don't get it. Sorry. Not a big deal in my eyes.
In fact be grateful your H fed him at all. Mine fucked off when baby was 6 months.

OriginalJamie · 14/03/2012 20:44

It sounds to me less of a considered "deciding to wean" and more of a "thought a jar might be a good idea". Not a particularly good idea but not weaning, as a one-off

Skillbo · 14/03/2012 20:45

Have just been advised the weaning guidelines have recently changed to 4 months- these things are forever changing.

I don't think you're BU though op but probably because I'm a control freak & would be really cross with my dh if he did this even though we have an older dd and he's the sah parent...

thisisyesterday · 14/03/2012 20:46

no, the guidelines have NOT been changed to 4 months

thisisyesterday · 14/03/2012 20:46

and they aren't forever changing. it's been 6 months for 9 years now!

RitaMorgan · 14/03/2012 20:46

Weaning guidelines are currently 6 months Skillbo, and have been since 2003.

Snakeonaplane · 14/03/2012 20:50

YANBU I'd be furious.

Snakeonaplane · 14/03/2012 20:53

unlikely that's lovely that your baby is fine but OP wanted to wait before introducing food, she is bf and it hadn't been I'm assume g she is the main cater for the baby then she has a right to at least be included in the discussion. If a baby was ebf and the mum popped out would the dh have the right to give baby formula?

WorraLiberty · 14/03/2012 20:55

Where did he get a jar of puree from at that time of night?

valkilly · 14/03/2012 20:56

The guidelines vary by country though, which is completely ridiculous. In Ireland, HVs say 17-24 weeks for FF babies but 6 months for BF babies. Makes no sense that they are different to the UK.

To go back to OP though, YANBU. I would be annoyed that DH had just gone ahead with no discussion, particularly as its probably a bit early to wean him. Maybe he meant well and was just trying to make sure he would sleep through the night, but it's a bit drastic if he's previously been sleeping through up til now!

Hope your DS is ok tonight

ViolaCrayola · 14/03/2012 20:57

YANBU. It's not about the guidelines etc, it's about the fact that he did it without discussing it with you.

Original poster

Ilikechocs · 14/03/2012 20:59

DH is usually pretty sensible - so it is indeed a very random thing to do.
We didn't have the jar in the house - he went out and bought it at lunchtime - along with a jar of baby pudding which he didn't open, thankfully.

I realise that some people wean before 6 months, however, DS2 has had no issues with weight gain or in my eyes, been ready for it. He normally feeds (his milk) and is quite content. I was trying to hold off for a bit longer.

I also realise that years ago, children were weaned early with no ill effect and that is great, however, those children were probably ready for it. DS2 is not.

I did ask him why he did something quite so random and he said it was an 'experiment'. I suspect that some well meaning person has told him to do it, possibly my MIL (grr) or someone at work.

For those that have suggested it, yes, I would have liked to be there when he had his first taste of solids, but wouldn't all mums? DH is generally helpful, but like all men, needs to be told when to do things. This however, was a total act of randomness!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 14/03/2012 21:06

but like all men, needs to be told when to do things

Errm all men? Lol

Snakeonaplane · 14/03/2012 21:06

Sorry OP I think that he did it as an experiment would anger me even more as what he is saying is there is something in the way it's being done that could possibly be fixed.let's just hope your dc doesn't sleep through the night

BrianButterfield · 14/03/2012 21:09

Jesus, Mumsnet should put "THE WEANING GUIDELINES DO NOT KEEP CHANGING" at the top of every page.

Snakeonaplane · 14/03/2012 21:13

Tis a man thing though, my first day back to work dh took ds and had all his baby curls cut off , they like to make theirmark, bit like pissing up a tree . If only he'd know that a better way to get involved was to do a couple of night feeds.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 14/03/2012 21:18

Leave the bastard? [not helpful]

All men do not to be told what to do either. Feel a bit sorry for your DH. Does he have to be told what to do with his other kids as well?

Snakeonaplane · 14/03/2012 21:19

Nice of you to feel sorry for her dh unlikely, I bet he has it really shit

Beamur · 14/03/2012 21:19

My DP was quite keen to get DD to try solids - I don't think he meant any harm and didn't discuss it with me either, I think as she was bf, he was looking forward to being able to be more involved with feeding her. I think the first thing he gave her was a taste of strawberry ice cream - wrong on so many fronts!! She was probably about 16 weeks too.

Ilovedaintynuts · 14/03/2012 21:20

I came home and found DH feeding 10 week old DD a cornetto. He is a nob though.
HTH.

nocake · 14/03/2012 21:21

There's a reason the current advice is not to start giving solid food until 6 months. It's because that's what the experts on the subject think, using he current level of knowledge and information. Yes, it may change in future but only if more information becomes available. There was a time when you wouldn't give solid food to a baby until a year.

If your baby is breast fed he is getting all the nutrition and calories he needs from milk. By eating puree he will be filling his stomach on something with fewer nutrients and calories, making him more likely to wake in the night with hunger.

I'm a bloke and I can see that he was a bit silly and certainly isn't doing the best for his son... but it's not worth falling out over. Just tell him not to do it again.

Popoozle · 14/03/2012 21:32

My DSs were both eating puree by 16 weeks but, back then, the recommended age to start weaning was earlier than it is now. Even now though, I was told by my HV "not before 17 weeks" with DD, so your DS is not far off. I also think that the parent in charge at that particular moment gets to make the decision for the child. I do agree that 7pm is an odd time to first try solids though and I doubt I'd have been thrilled about it.

taffila · 14/03/2012 21:37

Personally I would be livid. No way that he should get to decide that, solids it is, and a processed jar is the first thing it will be! It is just wrong on so many levels - and made worse by the fact it was pre-planned by an unmentioned lunchtime shopping trip!

trixie123 · 14/03/2012 21:44

I was having a minor moan the other day that although DP is a great dad I have always taken the lead on all developmental decisions (sleep training, weaning, potty training strategies etc) after asking friends, looking on MN etc. He takes it in and goes along with it. If he had done this I would actually be pretty pleased that he had taken the initiative. Am very at the "men needing to be told things". How very patronising. Its FOOD FGS, your baby will have a thousand million spoonfuls of the stuff and its not even your PFB. If your baby was not ready to the extent it would make him ill he would have thrust it out of his mouth with his tongue. If he happily ate it, its fine. Please don't read him the riot act over this or I wouldn't blame him if he sat back from now on and did naff all on his own initiative - or would you prefer that?

Eglu · 14/03/2012 21:45

I think I would be having a serious discussion as to why he felt it was an appropriate experiment.

I think a good guess would be your MIL saying 'I'm sure that baby is ready for solids' and your DH going out to buy the food to see if he would take it.

I would be furiious.

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