Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband feeding baby from a jar

153 replies

Ilikechocs · 14/03/2012 20:03

DS2 is 16 weeks old today. He's a breastfed baby with the odd formula bottle. Has a bit of a cold just now so was up a couple of times last night, having previously slept through.

Had an appointment at teatime for a well needed haircut so DH came home from work and took over. Came home from haircut to find half empty jar of puree on worktop. DH had decided he needed it, hadn't discussed it or anything.

Got a bit annoyed as, with our other children, I would have preferred to start with baby rice when he was first weaned, I would also have taken photos etc and most importantly, I don't think he is ready for it. I would also have made purees myself, although have nothing against jars. I also wouldn't have given him his first taste of solids at 7pm incase it resulted in a sore tummy in the night (which I will have to see to!) Have told him that if DS2 is up in the night, he will have to get up, not me.

Clearly, DH doesn't believe in the art of communication. Am I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:
inoutshakeitallabout · 15/03/2012 15:51

it is his child too

MsF1t · 15/03/2012 15:54

Oh, for God's sake. No-one would dispute that the man is her father, and has equal parental rights: but should that really mean that he doesn't need to discuss important parenting decisions with his co-parent?

MsF1t · 15/03/2012 15:55

And, breathe....

duckdodgers · 15/03/2012 16:01

No msfit I do agree decisions should be joint actually. But when OP comes out with At the end of the day, I'm the baby's mum, I carried him and gave birth to him and am his primary caregiver. makes me a bit Hmm. That just sounds so spoiled really, and like the Dad and what he thinks doesnt really matter because she is the MUM!

OP how about a little talk with DH?

Eggrules · 15/03/2012 16:09

I consider myself primary caregiver because I am fortunate to spend a lot more time with our DS than my OH can. He may not be aware of small nuances in DS's likes/dislikes and behaviours but he is a fantastic parent. I trust him to do what he thinks is best. I might have been a bit put out to miss a pfb moment - not seething or annoyed.

GrahamTribe · 15/03/2012 16:16

YANBU. Provided that your husband is not the baby's biological father, that is.

ragged · 15/03/2012 16:18

Another yabu, don't see the big deal, actually I never see the big deal with weaning (don't see it as a milestone, even). Just ask "Please don't do that again until ? because of XYZ reasons" & let go.
I consider some willingness to "experiment" to be a sign of good parenting, too.

FunnysInTheGarden · 15/03/2012 16:25

YABU and precious. I wouldn't expect DH to have discussed whether he was going to start giving DS2 food, in fact I'm fairly sure he will have done without my express consent. Different with a first DC I think, but not with subsequent ones. If I was your DH I would be very pissed off with your attitude

Original poster
Ilikechocs · 15/03/2012 16:27

Oh FFS, can people not at least try to be supportive on here? Wish I'd never bloody posted.

MsF1t - Thank you, you got my point exactly.

The whole point had been that because baby had woken up twice in the night, doesn't necessarily mean he is ready for solids. As indicated, he had a cold.

Duck - I am not spoiled. I did discuss it with DH after the event and he couldn't give a reason for it. We do normally discuss parenting issues, we do normally do things in partnership, he is a good dad and husband and this is obviously a blip. I posted on here to get opinions from other parents and seem to be under constant criticism. I don't care if the food was out of a jar, home made or whatever, but if baby was crying then the first port of call would have been milk, if he had been hungry. As we all know, there are lots of reasons why babies cry.

I am going to try and get this post deleted now, I am fed up of it having been turned into a an'OP doesn't trust her husband thread', that was not my intention. I simply wanted a little reassurance from fellow mums. DH accepts that it was not the best thing to do, especially as DS2 is only 16 weeks and feeds happily with milk.

Thank you to those of you who have got the point and given good advice. The rest of you, please go and find some other post to criticise.

OP posts:
GrahamTribe · 15/03/2012 16:33

Ilikechocs you asked if you were right to be annoyed. If you'd have wanted to have nothing but a chorus of "yes honey of course you're right" you should have said so. It seems that most people think you are being reasonable. Some of us don't think you are. That's the way AIBU works. Asking for the thread to be deleted because not everyone agrees with you is a bit, um, petulant.

FunnysInTheGarden · 15/03/2012 16:35

See OP, I suspect that DH, like Beta probably gave DS2 some kind of solid food before he had started officially weaning without telling me, as no doubt did I. You really are makig a big issue out of nothing much at all

FunnysInTheGarden · 15/03/2012 16:36

PS if you want reassurance you should prob have posted in weaning and not AIBU. You'll know for next time.

Fluffy1234 · 15/03/2012 16:49

Perhaps he felt a bit left out with your other childrens feeding/weening. I weened my three children at three to four months as that was the advice years ago when they were born.

MadameChinLegs · 15/03/2012 16:56

Im going to don a hard hat before saying this, but he is a parent too. Yes, it would have been nice if you could have decided to wean together and maybe gave your DC their first taste of food together, but I don't understand why he needs your say so to wean his child?

befuzzled · 15/03/2012 16:59

i havent read the rest of the thread but I would also have been really pissed off for all the reasons you mentioned - esp the communication, or lack therof

  • see this has gone tits up actually, how predictable, but I would have posted and thought exactly the same as you if that's any help.
Eggrules · 15/03/2012 17:00

You asked 'Am I right to be annoyed?'.
Reading the thread again, I think the general consensus is that you were right and that most people agree with you.

I got your point but didn't agree with it. It isn't for me to say if you should trust your OH or not.

It is clearly a massive issue for you and you seem very upset. Does your OH know how upset you are?

Silverthorns · 15/03/2012 17:10

OP - YANBU.

FFS - he decided to do something 8 weeks early without a discussion. Suppose his MIL had also told him that a drop of brandy would help the baby sleep? Everyone used to do that in the old days and most of those babies didn't die therefore brandy = great idea? Hmm

Whatmeworry · 15/03/2012 17:19

Thank you to those of you who have got the point and given good advice. The rest of you, please go and find some other post to criticise.

You mean those that agree with you OP?

You do sound as if you don't like to be crossed, by MNetters or DH....

OriginalJamie · 15/03/2012 17:26

OP - you posted on AIBU, not "please agree with me entirely"

I don't think it's unsupportive to put a different point of view, if it is done politely, which I have done.

I got your point, and I agree in part.

He made a bit of a rash judgement. He gave baby food once, which has been interpreted as "he has weaned my child"

valiumredhead · 15/03/2012 17:39
ragged · 15/03/2012 17:49

I bet OP makes all sorts of parenting decisions without consulting her DP first.
About matters that are equally important to first experience of weaning (however important that is supposed to be).
Bet OP Just expects him to trust her on-the-spot judgement.

MadameChinLegs · 15/03/2012 17:51

8 weeks early according to advice not law

Needingsomeadvice · 15/03/2012 17:57

I'm with you, OP. YANBU...Mumsnet seems to often have this...people getting uppity because they (mistakenly) think the father is hard done by in some way because the mother didn't agree with what they did. I am sorry, many of you have a very good co-parenting relationship and might have no experience of your dp doing anything this 'random' without discussing it with you but it's not the same for everyone. Believe it or not, just because he is the biological father it doesn't make it OK for him to go behind the OP's back and feed the baby a jar before the earliest recommended point to wean. Fine that he have his opinion and input, but OP says she has done all the dog-work establishing a feeding routine and mastering breastfeeding. For him to sneakily buy a jar and feed the baby its first solids while the OP is out is not acceptable IMO.

NowThenWreck · 15/03/2012 18:06

Weeeell. I never side with the husband-nevah!
But...
He didn't invade Poland, did he? He experimentally tried the babby on a bit of food.
I mean, yes, he should have discussed it with you first, but it doesn't sound like it was really planned particularly.
If he had come home and you had decided to try the baby on some solids, would you have run it past him first?
And, yes, I know you would wait until 6 months to even try solids, but I am not so sure you would check with your husband regarding every decision you make about the baby-would you?

Gilgamesh · 15/03/2012 18:14

Jaysus people, is it so shocking to you that advice (which by the way, is meant to help you, not just made up to spite you) moves on when new things are learned?
We learned that its better to wait to wean babies. If you don't want to wait, well who the fuck cares? But why pretend that experts, that know a shit load more about it than any of us, are wrong? Methinks y'all protest too much, cos you know you're in the wrong.....

Swipe left for the next trending thread