AIBU to think that WOHM's don't "do the same as SAHMs AND work too!"

[eppa]

Firstly this is not a WOHM bashing thread at all.

Its just that I'm a SAHM and have been offended and hurt by a couple of real life comments basically saying that I shouldn't complain as I'm only a SAHM and that WOHM have to do everything I do AND they manage to work as well.

I disagree with this because for me an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails.

However a WOHM would get DC up and dressed, drop them at nursery where they would get their 3 meals, do activities etc, pick them up and return to a house that was clean (or the same state as it was left in!).

Obviously both WOHMs and SAHMs work and they both work hard and WOHMs do parent when they are at home. Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS.

That sounds like your job is fulfilling, that's great. It's just when people aren't fulfilled that I think it's sad if they have to work against their will. I think people need to be more honest about it. If you are fulfilled by your job, or taking years out of career would mean losing out hugely over the long term, it's great to work outside the home. But many working mothers aren't in that situation, or don't want to be honest about the fact that spending most of their week away from their children suits them better, so they pretend they are a tremendous long suffering martyr whose great career would be damaged irreparably by some time out, plus they are setting such a great example for their children as working mothers, implying that children of SAHM should be ashamed of them.

When you have to work long hours to make ends meet, or openly say that you just prefer to work and it suits your family better, that's a totally different situation. But so many people here have been judgemental of SAHM - don't they know their children will not respect them, their brains are dying, they are irresponsible naive idiots for thinking at a future date they will be able to get into the job market, and they are clearly pathetically weak and letting all women down for being financially dependent on a man.

Most of the offensive comments in this thread have been in that direction, not bashing WOHM.

'I think some of you are over estimating the importance of your working roles'

What an astonishingly ignorant and offensive comment.

A lot of what makes ones working life fulfilling is individual to the person doing it. I find my work interesting, varied and worthwhile. There are also many jobs which are NECESSARY to society or at least hugely beneficial. And even the most mundane jobs pay the bills, keep a roof over people's heads and food on the table.

If certain posters have resorted to slagging off other people's work lives (knowing nothing whatsoever about them !) it says a lot about them rather than anyone else.

bugster
Thank you for understanding my original point.

I think that this thread has got very heated and probably strayed from the original point. However I have been surprised by the ammount of SAHM bashing that there is. During the course of this thread I have been told that SAHMS have a cushy number, set a bad example for their children, will regret giving up their career, won't be able to teach their children the value of money, spend all day duing Zumba and that the hardest decision I have to take in my SAHM life is between icing a bun and doing finger painting.

There also seems to be quite a sumg view that all WOHMs have wonderful careers and that SAHMs will never be able to get back into the workplace and so will regret our decision to stay at home. Firstly as other posters have said some people have a job rather than a career and secondly whilst I accept that initially you may not be able to go back into work at the same level most people will be able to get back on track pretty soon. In fact lessons learned during motherhood and the voluntary work that alot of SAHMS do will stand them in good stead in this respect.

These insults to SAHMs seem to be acceptable and yet when I have defended my view against it I am somehow an ignorant misogynist who needs councelling! To my mind if you are prepared to give out judgemental insults they maybe you shouldn't be too surprised if you get them back.

For your information I have not been pressured into giving up work by my DH. We are a team and for us what works best is for me to be at home and DH to work. DH enjoys being with the children and if I decided to go back to work he would probably enjoy the chance to be a SAHD.

I am passionate about being a SAHM because I truely belive it is what is best for young children, I think its extremely valuable to society and if people want to be SAHMs they should be financially supported by the government and emotionally supported by the community to enable them to do this.

My feeling is that many people on here do feel slightly guilty for working, they do miss their children and maybe deep down they know that money does not necessarily equal a happy child. I just don't think you can say that for a young child there is any better situation than being looked after by a parent. Maybe it is not me who needs the councelling?

Calm down, callmemrs. Think you are overreacting somewhat? I don't want to offend people but can you just please recognise how offensive some of the anti SAHM comments have been? And really many of the boasts about how busy your days are and the day of a SAHM is just nothing really, pathetic, useless, worthless to anyone, are extremely self important but worse than that, much more offensive.

You really don't need to tell us yet AGAIN op, how amazing your life is and how being a SAHM is superior to any other way of life, nor do you need to spout "evidence" at us that this is true, and neither do you need to tell us that you know that deep down we're all guilt ridden for putting material good before our children's interests.
Really you don't.
Just try to enjoy your life and let the rest of us enjoy ours. YOU started the thread, so clearly something is bugging you

Bugster- if you care to point out where I have made offensive anti-SAHM comments then fine, I'll apologise for them. The fact is, I haven't.

I am a sahm. I have also been a wohm

I think you are reading what you wish to.
There is as much WOHM bashing as there is SAHM bashing.
You have said some pretty unreasonable things on here. So have others.
Your post above now has more than a whiff of a five year old whining 'but she started it'

If you are happy and feel you are doing the best thing for you, great. Berating others for their choice is either defensive or it is astonishingly ungracious.

Why don't you try and summon some grace and dignity and just accept that your posting this thread and your subsequent rather sanctimonious posts, has been a bit of an own goal. You might recover some ground.

Surely this is meant to be a discussion really, not a battle?

pagwatch just don't think the vehement attack in SAHM is justified, and needed to point that out. Think the adjective 'astonishing' has been thrown around a bit too much.

callmemrs I never referred specifically to you, just the broad weight of anti-SAHM comments. You must have read some of them?

Oh sorry, I assumed that when you started a post with callmemrs calm down, you were specifically addressing me!

Pagwatch- entirely agree. The op started this thread as a (thinly) veiled attack on WOHM. During the course of the thread she has actually stated that children 'suffer' through being in childcare when their mothers work. What an ignorant and offensive thing to post. One has to wonder about the mindset of someone who delights in attacking others who live their lives differently

Umm- well I have a bloody fantastic career and I love it !
Sorry if that offends you OP but I have a job I love and DC that have been loved and cared for whether I have been SAHM ( 2 years mat leave -paid)
parttime or fulltime.
Before you try the "Day orphanage card" my DC have been cared for by my DH when I am at work but I have also seen the experience of my Dsis who is a Nanny and loves the DC she cared for and is still in touch with them many years later- why is it seen as a negative to have more than parents who care for a child ?
I can only conclude that you are a bit narrow minded really .

I suspect that people notice the insults they perceive as being aimed at them far more than they notice the insults aimed at the 'other side'. I'm not sure that the insults Eppa lists are any worse than being told you are greedy, don't love your children and are harming them by putting them into childcare. Indeed, someone suggesting that your choice is a cushy number is hardly an insult unless you were aiming for an award in martyrdom.

There have been insults aimed at both 'sides' in this. I have my own opinion as to which have been worse, but I also have the grace and intelligence to know that I am also certainly biased. I would suggest other posters try to do the same.

Today I rose at 6am after a very disturbed night with my toddler. I worked a nine hour shift in a stressful job, came home and was too tired I thought I would vomit.

Have got up to eat dinner and then will get up again at 6am do it all again tomorrow.

I was never this tired as a SAHM. But maybe the daughter of the woman with chest pain and breathing difficulty was glad I could help her mother.

I like astonishing. I use it when I am astonished.
Intelligent women battering each other with pointless and usually baseless judgements is astonishing.

Im sure she was LittleAlbert
I know exactly where you are coming from and am sick of having my career described as of little value when i know i am making a difference .

Littlealbert- ignore the people who try to tell you your job is not that important really. Or that you are materialistic to do it. Thank god there are women - AND MEN - out there like you who do a bloody fantastic job continuing to society as well as doing the bloody fantastic job of bringing up your child

I think the OP's issue is that she doesn't just think what she's doing is best for her children, she's decided it's best for everyone's children. She is an evangelist.

You must be astonished a lot pagwatch.

callmemrs the calm down part was adressed to you, the complaint about anti SAHM comments to all the SAHM haters on this thread.

Bugster - "SAHM haters"? Really?

I think there have been a good few. An awful lot of disdain, superiority, implying SAHM are intellectually defficient and irresponsible as role models for their children. That's pretty strong stuff.

I find it baffling really - I get up ,go to work and come home ,love my life- I dont ever hear any SAHM/WOHM bashing in Reallife . Its never mentioned -ever .People are just doing what they need to do at the time - I like many parents have experienced both "sides"

I certainly am astonished.
I am a sahm. I couldn't give a toss what other people think about my life. My life is very good indeed and suits me and my famiky just fine. Certainly I would worry about my sanity if I thought I had to launch some kind of retaliatory action against 'the SAHM haters' - which would make a good name for a band btw.

The SAHM haters' first single would be a cover of the Dolly Parton classic '9 to 5' btw

Pagwatch

After which The Wohm Haters would release the Sheena Easton similarly titled single. Chart wars.

I don't get it pagwatch - you are a SAHM but you aren't upset by any of the negative comments made about SAHM, because you don't care what people think about your life - ok.

So why are you so concerned about what people think about the lives of other people?