AIBU to think that WOHM's don't "do the same as SAHMs AND work too!"

[eppa]

Firstly this is not a WOHM bashing thread at all.

Its just that I'm a SAHM and have been offended and hurt by a couple of real life comments basically saying that I shouldn't complain as I'm only a SAHM and that WOHM have to do everything I do AND they manage to work as well.

I disagree with this because for me an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails.

However a WOHM would get DC up and dressed, drop them at nursery where they would get their 3 meals, do activities etc, pick them up and return to a house that was clean (or the same state as it was left in!).

Obviously both WOHMs and SAHMs work and they both work hard and WOHMs do parent when they are at home. Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS.

There is something really nasty about implying that someone else not only doesn't care about their children but is damaging them for money. I wouldn't shit on a SAHM why the hell are you being so horrible to us WOHM? BTW, I have done both, they are both hard, they both have costs and they both have benefits.

I do agree with the OP that we place too much focus on money these days.

Personally, I'd rather be financially poorer in order to look after my young child.

However, that's just my choice - - even ol' Oliver James says go back to work if staying at home wld depress you (as he suggests was the case for his own mother).

ahhh... why did I click back... Just because I saw my name...

Slightly more irritated.. As I explained on another thread, if I left work and became a SAHM, and gave up anything that could be considered a luxury and moved to a 1 bed flat in a slightly worse area, for the three of us. We would have about £80 a month to pay for food and groceries. I'm a teacher, pay isn't great but its more than the £500 a year that I put away for my DD. I'm not putting a price of £500 a year on time with my DD. I do however think that since £80 could be blown with a washer breaking or the car breaking down that it is imperative that I have some money to feed my daughter. As I am working however, I will save for her future now.

And actually... My DD spends a whole 3, maybe 4 hours a week with the childminder, apart from that she is with me or her father. So your comments don't really apply to me. I still find your arrogance and smugness infuriating. The smugness though reminds me of a woman I used to know, she liked trolling, the more you post, the more I am convinced this is a wind up...

Let's not forget the concept of mother as sole care giver is not accepted in all cultures...nor was it that common in Britain for women to spend all day on "Childcare" for their own children till the last few decades when domestic tasks have become less challenging due to new technology...

DP and I have just had a conversation about putting DS2 in nursery for one day a week at some point in his first year, no matter what my work situation is, because we want him to have the same positive experiences as DS1.

Yes, we are considering non essential childcare.

Feel free to faint, OP.

Wow OP, up the sisterhood.

What a load of nonsense. All those books you cite. I am amazed you find time to read them.

Well I actually do 'do' all of those things. My DD is only with her CM till 2.30, I work full time and start at 7 so I can collect her. We then do baby grumps/swimming/park etc, I clean up the breakfast stuff that DP doesn't have time to do before he heads to work. Then I make dinner etc. then 4 nights a week I go off to my evening job. I was a SAHM for a year while on Mat leave and do more with my DD now than I did then!

If we didn't place focus on money,and teaching our children the values of money, and that if you want something in life, you have to work hard for it, then no one would work at all.

Baby grumps, Show - too right :)

Sounds good tantrums (the not working thing).

' Those of us that want to provide for our children in the future and not just the present.'

I am a SAHM and we as a 'team' provide for our DC thanks very much!

'In the first year of my daughter's life I have managed to save £500 towards her future'

We have savings for our 5DC too...it isn't just a WOHM thing..

My mother was a SAHM till I was at high school and then worked p/t and f/t later. I for one don't judge her for any of it!

Hmm - bitter, narrow-minded, rude, bigoted, frustrated, intolerant, ignorant ...

What a great role model for children!

I'm sure there's a thread someone

How dare able people not work and claim benefits
Why do they keep having children?

But still, good forbid MOTHERS should work

And show, I said the same thing but apparently we "are not parenting" for those few hours of the day so it doesn't count!

wooow! Hang on a second Jellybean - I am by no means saying that SAHM don't want to provide for their children's future. The comment was in response to the statement that WOHM need to make sacrifices and not put money as more than their children. I'm think you have taken that quote out of context. Please re-read my post and you will notice the under-lying tone which was "don't attack me and others like me for doing what we have to".

Look, if my OH earned enough to support us all on his wage, I would happily be a SAHM and make certain sacrifices. I'm not anti-SAHM, I'm anti-insult-those-that-aren't.

I wouldnt sahm. I think the best thing for my children is me working. Its never been a financial decision for me. I want my daughters to see their mother achieving. The birth of my first dd sent me to get and education and a career. I don't want this to become, I only work for finances. For some of us its not about that.

Oh dear Baby grumps! Haha groups of course! Stupid iPhone! Well I know I personally do a shit load more as a mum with 2 jobs than I did as a SAHM!
I'm sure some people around me think I place money before my child. What I place above everything IS my child. So I work 2 jobs to keep a roof over our heads and keep her fed. I miss her desperately every day. But I love our time together and we do all the things I would do if I stayed at home. Cleaning gets saved for nap times/after bed time on the nights I'm not working.

If people choose to be SAH parents that's great for them, but I don't have that choice and I work hard, stupid hours to see my child as much as possible! I hate the attitude coming across that SAHMs care more/are better mothers

Also agree with rhonda even if I time comes I don't have to work I would still work at least part time. I was brought up to be independent and plan to bring my daughter up the same!

I had to go back to work when dd1 was 3 months old. Not for luxuries but to pay the mortgage. If I hadn't had to return to work, who knows what I'd have done? I might have decided to return anyway, because I like my work, but on the other hand I might have decided it was too much hassle to return to work with a breastfeeding baby, early starts and childminder drop offs

How bloody glad I am that I never gave up my career. 18 years down the line I Can see that neither of my children have been adversely affected by the fact that I work. On a personal level I have learned and achieved many things through my work (along with the things I've learned and achieved through other aspects of life such as parenting). I am SO thankful not to have given up my career, and not had to struggle to get back into work, or take dull jobs because I've been out of the workplace t

too long

So- although I don't NEED to work now for money, I WANT to work, I like it, and the salary, pension etc are nice too.

Both have pros and cons depending on the ages of the children. When kids are young being a SAHM is very hard work. However once they all get to school you pretty much have the day to your self.

I always feel a bit when all the SAHMs at school are meeting up for coffee, going to Zumba classes while their kids are at school and I'm heading off to work.

Has the op been possessed by some misogynistic maniac during the course of this thread because the first and last posts just couldn't be any more different

Eppy if I hand you a spade you could dig back to the 19th century a bit quicker

"I hate the attitude coming across that SAHMs care more/are better mothers"
Really? I hate the attitude the wohms are somehow of more worth than sahms.

"I was brought up to be independent and plan to bring my daughter up the same!"
Whereas I, of course, am completely dependant on my dh and cant make a decision/do anything without his say so.

FFS!

To those of you who are married/with a parner..can I ask?....What happened to 2 people being parents!!! What happened to 2 people be responsible!!! What happened to 2 people making decisions/sacrifices for their family!!!! Whatever happened to that quaint idea?

My husband and I have been a single income family for 9 years now and it has meant sacrifices on both our parts. Childcare was not an option for us...partially because ds1 has sn and partially the cost...how many sahms are sahms not by choice but by the simple expedient that they cannot earn enough to pay for childcare to enable them to wohm???

The sheer ignorance on this thread about the reality/reasons behins being a sahm is shocking. Zumba? What the hell is that!?

I hope in the future your daughter is as happy with your decision as you are showme

On reflection, the weird thing is... when I was a sahm I felt vaguely superior to wohms and now, as a wohm I feel vaguely superior to sahms. wtf. Maybe it is a survivalist thought process...

Tread warily indeed. I said something similar on here a while back and got roundly slated for it. But I still think you're right...