AIBU to think that WOHM's don't "do the same as SAHMs AND work too!"

[eppa]

Firstly this is not a WOHM bashing thread at all.

Its just that I'm a SAHM and have been offended and hurt by a couple of real life comments basically saying that I shouldn't complain as I'm only a SAHM and that WOHM have to do everything I do AND they manage to work as well.

I disagree with this because for me an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails.

However a WOHM would get DC up and dressed, drop them at nursery where they would get their 3 meals, do activities etc, pick them up and return to a house that was clean (or the same state as it was left in!).

Obviously both WOHMs and SAHMs work and they both work hard and WOHMs do parent when they are at home. Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS.

What a load of utter shite!

What you seem to be missing so spectacularly here is that EVERYONE is different!

I am a full time working mum and I work incredibly hard to find the balance between my work and home life ? that?s just me though, I work as hard as I can in both areas.

You may find that some WAHM?s have cleaners and some may do the bare minimum to have a clean house and look after the kids. Others may spend hours after work and on weekends trying to keep the house spotless and the kids in a million and one extracurricular activities.

Equally you will find SAHM?s who spend all day engrossed in hands on activities with their kids, cleaning, tidying and making dinners for the whole family and others who do next to nothing all day.

Being a parent requires hard work regardless of whether you work or not.

Pointless thread.

I'm sure people with children with SNs/Elderly parents/who are single parents/have disabilities/no money etc etc can all pile on here and say it is hard.

I will never believe that someone who lists going to baby groups and painting and reading as their tasks for the day is having a hard life. Sorry.

What a silly thread.

i think people generally underestimate how hard it is to be a sahm to pre schoolers

born I did that for a while.

Worked from 7am - 2pm (DH cared for DS1 in the morning), then came home and did all the after school stuff.

It really did feel like I had the best of both worlds - along with the "oh you're lucky to be leaving early" from some colleagues.

I think YABU but only because I work evenings, so literally DO do everything you do 7am-7pm then go to work 7.30pm-12.30am. 3 meals and housework included

I'd rather stay at home with 2 preschoolers than do what needs doing round the house (breakfast, clearing up, chores, bills, bedtimes, etc etc) PLUS going out to work. Stop whingeing and enjoy your time, some people don't get a choice and have to do it all and it's as hard work as SAH is in other ways.
LOL at Pagwatch

agincourt - what is actually meant to be hard about it? I really dont get it fair enough if you want to do it but I dont see why its hard personally.

Thequietcricket
But - Whilst I accept that many people do meals as well as working I know alot of people whose DC get two or three meals a day at nursery.
Also I agree that the house will always need cleaning but it does not entail the same workload if you and DCs are out of the house all day as there is not the same ammount of mess being made.
I know that WOHPs do activities at weekend but so do SAHMs so we are doing it then as well as during the week.
And I know this is probably a terrible thing to say but household admin can probably be done more easily by a WOHM if they are office based (at lunchtimes/coffee breaks etc) than by a SAHM trying to make calls or go online with a screaming baby/whining pre-schoolder etc.

It's unrelenting, boring, mundane, groundhog day, arguing over why things aren't round/square/complete, having to deal with other peoples mini trauma, cleaning, washing, dealing with other dull women, can i have this, can i have that, can we do this, can we do that blah blah blah

I must at this point say I did have one with sn and I worked evenings/weekends anyhow but going to work was a break

What about us WFHM? I work full-time but one of those days is working from home with my 1 yr old - I have to do the jobs of a SAHM and 'try' to get work done at the same time. And no I don't have a choice, it's either do this send DD to nursery for another £42.50 when that's my daily wage.

Thats my day both working and not working and I dont think its that bad better than a real job in an office anyway!

^doubtful Agincourt as almost everyone with children has been a stay at home parent to pre schoolers, even if only for 6 months or a year

I think some people are just suited better to staying at home looking after young children than others tbh. I hated the whole going to groups thing and haven't done it at all with the third one as I find it all really painful

Let's try and figure it out. Let's vote the most selfless hard working mner award. Nominate yourself
The Winner gets a hair shirt and some Eau De Burning Martyr perfume.

I work hard. I am at home all day but I have to pull things out of my dogs arse and tut at many piles of ironing. It's tough

Agincourt I agree. and BeatieBow its not the painting, reading, going to groups that are hard - its the related getting paints out with toddler clasping at leg, trying not to get paint everywhere, cleaning up after toddler decided to do hand prints on the wall instead, getting coats, shoes, hats on tantruming toddler, rushing to group in the pouring rain, having 2 DCs arguing over what books to choose etc!
I do enjoy being a SAHM (despite how it sounds!) but I don't think you can deny its hard work too even the enjoyable bits.

Iamweasel. I actually found it gets harder after the 1 year mark (when lots of people go back to work). Its once they can start walking, talking and demanding to be entertained that the real work starts

Not all of us have children in childcare - some of us play childcare tag with our partners, working daft shifts so that we earn money and look after our dc ourselves (eg. I work some long days 7-7, some short days 7-1, dp works a mixture of afternoons, evenings and weekends). I don't have a cleaner, a dishwasher or a car. My weekends are completely taken up with housework and I'm knackered all the time.

But I wouldn't dream of saying that I have it harder than SAHMs. It depends on loads of different factors, doesn't it? The age and number of your dc, the size of your house, whether you get paid help, how high your standards are...

Tbh I think wohms probably do have it harder-especially if they are lone parents or have partners who wont pull their weight re housework/childcare.But I do know many wohm who admit that going to work is seen as a "break" from the kids-including my own sister

I am a sahm-when I had 3 at home it was VERY hard work-dh works very long hours and no help from grandparents. Now a couple are at school it is a bit easier.

I no longer give a shit about what anyone thinks of me-they can judge all they want. Tbh I judge a few wohm I know who go on about how they "have" to work-well yes if you choose to live in a large house,be a 2 car family and have 3 holidays a year then you must have to work-I go without these things as I believe my dcs need me to be the one who is there the majority of the time-different strokes and all that...

I used to find that stuff easy but not in a working setting. I remember times when my DC were having a exorcist style tantrum whilst I was trying to talk to parents whilst I was holding a baby with about 4 others shouting my name trying to answer the doorbell. I used to think omfg and think I was going mental. It passes though and you look back and laugh about it. I used to find it hard as you are being viewed by so many people watching you and you are trying to successfully do 2 jobs in one by looking like the professional for everyone else whilst being a great parent at same time.

I get your point OP, but I think the age of the children makes a difference.
for me working fulltime was easier. An hours commute each way, an hour for lunch. 3 whole hours to myself.
ds had all his meals at nursery, the house stayed clean and tidy, not much tidying up to be done.

Who cares? I mean really, who gives a flying fuck what the "other side"are up to?

Oh lordy bellstar

I wonder why I view the 2 days a week I don't WOTH (job share) as a holiday for me then?
As opposed to the frantic - pack lunch preparing, housework once dc in bed and you just want to sit on sofa, fitting appts in around working hours as best you can etc - other 3 days.

Bollocks

YABU - I do what you do and work 42 hours a week (mainly in the evenings and weekends and a couple of half days) the children are at home with DH or my Dad so they are still there making a mess - yes, I do feel that I do more than a SAHM.

I had a week off at half-term and it was such an easy week - I wish I could afford the luxury of doing it full-time.