AIBU to think that WOHM's don't "do the same as SAHMs AND work too!"

[eppa]

Firstly this is not a WOHM bashing thread at all.

Its just that I'm a SAHM and have been offended and hurt by a couple of real life comments basically saying that I shouldn't complain as I'm only a SAHM and that WOHM have to do everything I do AND they manage to work as well.

I disagree with this because for me an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails.

However a WOHM would get DC up and dressed, drop them at nursery where they would get their 3 meals, do activities etc, pick them up and return to a house that was clean (or the same state as it was left in!).

Obviously both WOHMs and SAHMs work and they both work hard and WOHMs do parent when they are at home. Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS.

Yabu and have my first

You could gaze longly at him though while he buffed your bibelots.

Unless a SAHP has all her children elsewhere during working hours then it is physically impossible for a WOHP to be be doing everything a SAHP does and a job as well.
That said it depends on each particular SAHP and each WOHP as to who works harder. Can't compare except on an individual basis

(I got 12.5 points btw)

I think I could manage that

That's the spirit

Hell, (a blasphemy I can allow myself even in Lent as I definitely don't believe in the place )

• it's good to see some humour on this thread instead of the usual bun-fight.

Is it too early for hot cross buns ?!

< lobs hot-cross buns at WOHMs as currently SAHM - interview tomorrow though - wish me luck ? >

I've done both. It is far harder being a working mother and having to sort out all the housework and make the kids' nursery lunches, drop them off and pick them etc etc on top of a long working day. And that's with a DH who does his fair share. I'm up before 6am and often don't sit down till gone 9pm as I have to get everything ready for the next day.

Have you ever been a WOHM? Because I think you have a pretty strange idea of what our lives consist of. Dropping your child off to nursery for 3 meals then collecting them and returning them to your untouched home? Really??

It's not a competition, and SAHMs work very hard. BUT, I have been a SAHM for a while (on maternity leave with DS2), and I can assure you it was a lot easier than working is.

My childcare is done by nanny and grandparents (different days) in my house, and tidying is not included in their role. So, I get up, get the kids up and dressed and fed, then my child-carer arrives. I then dash out to work, where I work all day, and come home to a (usually) fairly trashed house. I don't ask that my children's carers tidy up the mess because I want them to look after my kids, not spend all day cleaning. So the bulk of the cleaning falls to me. Also, I do ALL the laundry, ironing, shopping, cooking (I prepare the childrens meals in advance). I'm a single parent so there's no DH either.

The other thing you have to remember with WOHMs is that we usually feel guilty because we leave our kids, so when we are with them we feel more obliged to give them full-on attention. It's OK to spend half an hour hoovering the floors when you know your kids will see you every minute of all day and every minute of all the next day and the next day and the next day and so on. But when you don't see them every day then they won't happily tolerate you doing housework when you're there. So you end up doing it after they've gone to bed, after your full day at work.

So, YABU, because WOHM do all the same stuff as SAHM, it's just that we cram it into a shorter time!

I'm currently on mat leave.

I worked full time up until my recent mat leave.

I do a fuck of a lot more when I'm in work as well. Not only that, my head constantly feels like it's going to explode because everything is so damn fast.

Working day
6.00 up and at em. BReakfast (for 2 in September). Out of door and to nursery by 7.45
8.15 work
40 minute lunch break.
3.15 leave
4.00 kids picked up and brought home. Play until tea at
5.00
play until bedtime at 7.
7.30 my tea. (cooked by Dh)
8.00 more work.
10.00 bed.

Weekends are for housework

Mat leave (insert bf on demand)
6.30 woken by toddler
7.30 shower
8.00 breakfast, washign up/clothes washing etc
9.00 playing/bit of tidying etc
10.00 out somewhere - generally involves sitting chilling for a bit with a coffee while kids play.
12ish home for lunch.
2 stop watching cbeebies/internet and get on with activity, playing etc

1. tea

7 bed chill until bedtime

Please someone read my post. Please please.
There is a difference between hardness of work and doing the same things

bronze again thats generalising if you are working at evenings or working in a role with your child then you are genuinely doing both at the same time.As you dont get a break from your childrenunless they are in bed so every waking hour is spent with them. I know plenty of mums in roles like this

having been both a SAHM and a WOHM I would say the comment is about right.

OK, hour for hour WOHM do less actual childcare than SAHM, but they do exactly the same amount of housework.

My maternity leaves were big long holidays. I was driven demented by lack of things to do. This inactivity culminated in my cooking ever more elaborate meals. After an evening meal of lamb, gratin dauphinois, followed by creme brulee, DH asked me bluntly if I was bored. And I was, I so was.

I suppose I could have sacked the cleaner. That would have given me more to do. But of course I would have gone a bit demented and OTT with that, and sparkled every loo daily

Trust me, I do far far more and far far more productive things in the workplace than I do at home.

I work 4 days a week, 10 hours a day (condensed) so f/t but with 3 days at home. They are my days off. DS and I are busy, but they're fun, and leisurely. It's a lot easier having a couple of hours to mosy into your day than it is toddler-wrangling at 6am, then putting in a stressful day at work. I love my stay at home days

If you are working evenings you aren't looking after you children then are you? The only exception I can see are the wonder parents who are WAHP but they aren't WOHP are they

There is just no way of comparing how hard people work. Some SAHP may do voluntary work, some may sit on their arses. Some WOHP may be junior doctors others may have really easy jobs. You just don't know.

So the it still remains that a WOHM parent does not do everything a SAHM parent does and their job as well by the very fact that they are not there some of the time. It is not saying who works harder.

bronze, I have already acknowledged in my post that as a WOHM, there are a few hours of childcare each week that are taken on by someone else - when dd was a pre-schooler, it amounted to 35 hours per week, leaving me in charge for 133. DD was typically asleep for at least 15 of those hours each week, longer before she gave up her nap.

Now she is at school, she is in the care of my DH or my parents for approximately 6-7 hours per week. The rest of the time, she is in school or doing extra-curricular activities. She usually wants to chill when she comes in from school, so typically whoever is looking after her just has to switch on the tv and wash a piece of fruit for her. Though DH does take her to Rainbows one evening.

I dont work in evenings but the people I know that do their kids are asleep so they wouldnt be working if they were at home. With childminders, nursery staff etc lots of them are genuinely doing both at same time. I know I was and will be again very soon. Only now I am on maternity leave did I not have my child for a minute and I had no breaks at work either.

Same goes for most of my friends in similar roles we were all in working roles and all 24/7 with our kids.

I've been a SAHM on maternity leave and when I worked part time. It's really not hard. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear op.

I'll say it again, slowly, while you're doing all these educational activities, I'm at work, WORKING, I'm not doing the same tasks as you but I am WORKING not having a 30 hour coffee break - which doesn't actually exist in the NHS in my experience.

I also think you have an unrealistic view on work, the clue is actually in the title.

The argument is nonsense because as pagwatch said on pg1, it's down to individual circumstances.
I've done both and actually found working was easier than being at home with 3 kids under 5 as I had then. Not so much easier but certainly less draining.

Being at home with a baby and a toddler in nursery however, seems far easier.

Oh and even though Im currently a SAHM, I have never cleaned an oven in my life. Until this thread I had no idea that regular oven cleaning was expected of me.

This argument is nonsense because there is no logic to it.

People keep talking about harder and easier and that's not what it was about, was it?

I'm giving up.
Even if it was about harder and easier you can't compare except on individual basis

All my point is that many mums do generally do all the sahm roleand the working role at the same time dependent on the industry they work in. Its not impossible and many mums are doing it.

I find the OP quite offensive. My part time job is at night so I work when DC are asleep losing time for getting housework done.

TeaOneSugar "Not having a 30 hour coffee break" - Just made me laugh that's all !