to wonder why my neighbour needs so much help from her mum and dad?

[ssd]

my neighbour is married with 2 kids in school.

they family are fit and healthy (her words) with no underlying problems

they parents are, or at least seem, more than capable of looking after 2 kids

so AIBU on judging her on the amount of help she gets from her parents?

they are there every day, usually seperately, taking the kids to school, picking them up again, bringing in shopping, doing the garden, walking the dog, god knows what else

why do the parents need help every day?

why don't they want the in laws to get a sleep in/time to themselves and look after their kids themselves?

why do the in laws feel the need to always be helping, don't they realise they look like they can't stay out of their daughters life even for a day?

am slightly jealous and slightly confused why 2 grown up fit able bodied parents need the help of their parents every single day? it just looks like they cAN'T DO A BLARDY THING BY THEMSELVES. (OOPS SORRY) CAPS ON

Me too Soup. I have no family help but I don't begrudge those who do. Life is too short.

"independent Viking travelling tribe" ??

Noone-that is a lovely post.

Now-which of you is going to decorate for me over the Easter holidays?????
After reading this thread I asked my mum if she would and she has said no!!!!!

No chance of her doing the ironing either!!!!!

This thread is making me cry when I hear about all the lovely families out there.

My dad died before I met my Dh or had DS, and for most of DS's life we were expats. DS never really knew his Gma, but as my sis lived nearby she was very close to my niece and nephew. I couldn't be there when she died and DS only remembers her as a sick old lady which makes me very sad.

I would give a lot just to have my parents pop in anytime.

OP it's not about independence or exploitation - maybe this is the way they all like to live their lives and who are we to judge.

Some people are more needy than others.. and need the help. Whilst others (like me) have no help (3 kids - 7yrs,3yrs and 1yr) ... me and my husband do it all, happily.

Yes, I look at my friends/neighbours and think how lucky they are ... but, I don't think negatively about it.

If my parents were alive and my extended family and husband's family lived closer.. then, I would like to think that they would be helping out as much as they could.

I reckon that in a few years time, if I'm lucky enough to have my (future) grown up kids living locally, I will be the grandparent who is visiting the kids everyday and building a fantastically close bond with the grandkids.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Let it go. x

"but of course there is more to these assumptions than just this,"

OP - YABU for letting this one out of the bag to justify yourself. We aren't mind-readers you know

am slightly jealous

I'm a little bit needy but not too much.

My mum is over all the time, or my partners parents, or we're there!! I love our parents and want to spend time with them while we all can.

changeforthebetter we need all sorts, some of us rebel at the slightest hint of a rule, some of us will be stubbornly independent for ever

Families often help each other out to greater or lesser extents.
Often this help comes with expectations and affects the degree of independence experienced by the individuals involved. Such is the nature of family. Perhaps you think they are using each other or overly dependant on each other but perhaps this is how they feel happy living, being involved in and enriching each others' lives on a daily basis.

OP live and let live, why waste energy on judging this family? For all you know they are all very or even tolerably happy with the arrangements. How would you like it if they posted a thread judging your life and choices?

essential, they can judge away, I've probably given them some great material

agree with the needy thing, I try so hard not to be needy and somehow needy folk get on my nerves (not you vickityboo, sorry!), maybe thats why my neighbour makes me wonder

live and let live shall be my motto from now on!

now you can all stop with the overflowing happy families stories, you've ALL made your point, go and hold hands or something

'All those with oodles of family help and support should clear off and leave those of us with none at all to be miserable curmudgeons without having to suffer sanctimonious finger wagging.'

We don't talk about it on MN though, do we?
None of us have previously bragged about how beautifully our inter-generational family works, how mutually supportive we are of each other, how we enjoy each others' company, from grandparents to teens to toddlers.
We have been silent.
Because to talk about it on a site with so many people who complain about so many things, justified and unjustified would be pointless. Who wants to hear that someone else is happy when you are not?
You started this thread OP, those of us that posted things not to your liking were offering a different point of view.

' it makes posters like dustinthewind smugly tell me how my assumed jealousy makes her feel better'

I think I said 'I'm sorry that you find it worthy of negative judgement OP, and I pity you.'
and that it was lovely to find other people who had happy families amongst the bile and rage here. Is that smug? Do I care what you think?

about as much as I care what you think dust

Then why not leave us alone? What harm are we doing you with our various situations?

Hang on, hang n. Just now you as good as admitted you were being unreasonable, ssd, and now you are getting all arsey again!

what do you mean leave us alone?

what harm am I doing you complaining about something on the internet, instead of boring my dh with it?

if you don't like it, ignore me, don't bother reading or posting, I'll live

of course I'm being unreasonable to you and most of the other posters on this thread, Jamie, and this is the very place for it, the internet, saves me from being chippy to my neighbour, the poor sod, if I get it all out here in the anonymous web, that's what a lot of AIBU is about, and if I get arsey when I get told to "leave us alone" then what do you expect?

Good to know you won't be chippy with your neighbour about something it would be unreasonable to be chippy about

well jamie, I'm not promising anything , but I'll try!!

I'm with you ssd my pil live close to there dd and I think they are completely overbearing with there dd and grandchild, they see them everyday, have him to stay at theirs (without his parents) every other weekend - I find it scary and they completely undermine their DD, GC gets away with everything, has no consistency, still doesn't sleep through the night etc, etc. Mum says one thing but will be overruled by GP. My family isn't like that and we live 100miles away so I'm not expected to put up with it - it would drive me insane!! I think they have babysitters on tap but they pay a price for it. I think it is also a sign that the GP don't have much else to do with their time and they should get a hobby and enjoy themselves rather than running round after a 2yr old ( I can see the enjoyment of being a GP but they are actually doing the parenting IYSWIM)

But I'm very independent and always have been, a bit of extra help would be nice but I'm the mother.

oh god don't agree with me benne81, I'm getting lined up against the firing wall here, and the all mums with the grans round at theirs every day are getting ready to shoot me for daring to question their superduper lives

Ssd, if your neighbour has more help than they want from their overbearing parents, she might be really glad to lend them to you in an adopt a granny scheme. I can see it working well for, she'll be able to sit down and play fun games with her kids rather than fighting for their attention

Win win I say!

That is if the bullets don't get you first

I'm here too.

But I'm very independent and always have been, a bit of extra help would be nice but I'm the mother. exactly benne.

Mumsnet is going through a weird patch at the moment.

but benne's situation and the OP's situation (about which she knows nothing) are possibly quite different

Oh, and BlackBag, this thread is not a good example of MN being "weird, at he moment". On the contrary "I'm getting lined up against the firing wall" (OP) is a typical example of gross exaggeration for which AIBU is famed.

OTOH, I like your name BlackBag (Viz)