Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why my neighbour needs so much help from her mum and dad?

249 replies

ssd · 14/03/2012 09:10

my neighbour is married with 2 kids in school.

they family are fit and healthy (her words) with no underlying problems

they parents are, or at least seem, more than capable of looking after 2 kids

so AIBU on judging her on the amount of help she gets from her parents?

they are there every day, usually seperately, taking the kids to school, picking them up again, bringing in shopping, doing the garden, walking the dog, god knows what else

why do the parents need help every day?

why don't they want the in laws to get a sleep in/time to themselves and look after their kids themselves?

why do the in laws feel the need to always be helping, don't they realise they look like they can't stay out of their daughters life even for a day?

am slightly jealous and slightly confused why 2 grown up fit able bodied parents need the help of their parents every single day? it just looks like they cAN'T DO A BLARDY THING BY THEMSELVES. (OOPS SORRY) CAPS ON

OP posts:
PoppadumPreach · 14/03/2012 09:21

orangecrushed is that one of these 3D puzzle things - makes my eyes go funny when i look at it.

OP - YABU and i think you know you are.......

kilmuir · 14/03/2012 09:21

why do you care. butt out and get on with your own life

CuttedUpPear · 14/03/2012 09:21

It's not called helping

It's called family

TheMerchantOfVenom · 14/03/2012 09:21

You've no idea that anyone's 'demanding' anything. Hmm

There could be a zillion and one reasons for the extended family involvement. None of which are your business.

In the nicest possible way, beak out. :)

YonWhaleFish · 14/03/2012 09:22

It's STILL non of your damn business. You are making assumptions, do you not realise you just sound like a massively jealous person?

Bathsheba · 14/03/2012 09:22

SSd - you must live next door to me as my across the road neighbours are exactly the same..

Yes in my case I'll freely admit its somewhat jealousy (I'd love someone to take my ironing away, do it, bring it back and put it away), but at times I have been really upset by it.

When I had DD1 I had really bad pnd, and my Mum, who I am very close to, lived 120 miles away and could only come up every 2nd weekend or so....and I used to sob my heart out that my accross-the-road neighbour, who was pregnant at the time, had so much more help and support than I had...

I acknowledge with no problem that I was downright jealous at that point - it just made me feel more isolated and alone though

suehiyapeeps · 14/03/2012 09:22

My Mother comes to help me everyday as i have aggraphobia and deppression and can only go out when I can cope with the outside world. Without knowing her life story I think it is wrong for you to be so judgemental. You should concentrate on your own life as there is maybe something lacking that makes you so interested in this ladies.

ShowOfHands · 14/03/2012 09:22

You're making the mistake of assuming that they demand the help. My MIL takes dd to school every day and I repeatedly explain that she doesn't have to and she begs to continue. Strangely she seems to quite like her grandaughter and goes as far as to say it's the highlight of her day. And later my Mum's picking her up from school as she's got an unplanned afternoon off work and would like nothing more than to do the school run. She's also bringing dinner with her because she's at a loose end later and likes to cook and happens to love us and wants to share food with us. And this weekend FIL is coming round to paint our hallway. And on and on and on. It might be hard to understand from the outside, but we genuinely just love and care for each other and this manifests itself in involvement in each other's lives.

TheMerchantOfVenom · 14/03/2012 09:24

SoH - the bastids...

ShowOfHands · 14/03/2012 09:25

I'm a sahm too btw. All fit and able. And MIL takes washing home with her twice a week as she has a tumble drier and room to hang stuff. Oh and my Mum does my garden on a Thursday (I spend a lot of time doing it too admittedly) as she loves gardening and likes the chance to potter.

Tell me, do you judge me too? Genuinely, to me, it's just family and the way it's always been. You won't see what I do for them of course but it's about even. But don't let that stop you judging me.

Original poster
ssd · 14/03/2012 09:26

maybe they do just love each other so much they can't stay away, but from across the road it looks like the parents are taking the piss, the gp's look done in

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 14/03/2012 09:26

I know this is going to sound crazy to some MNetters, but some families actually like doing lots of stuff together, like popping meals into each other, calling for cups of tea every day, doing jobs around the house and picking up the children from school. How weird (and sad) that you think it's sad and that everyone should live in isolated houses only coming together for set visits.

ShowOfHands · 14/03/2012 09:26

I know TheMerchant. Nasty people my family.

Original poster
ssd · 14/03/2012 09:27

showofhands, maybe you are my neighbour?

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 14/03/2012 09:27

Its none of your Business is itSmile although i do have an aunty who runs after her grown up dds arse and i just dont get it , maybe the GP like doing it maybe the mum has anxiety problems, or maybe the familiy are just taking the piss of their good nature , My parents are not hands on and i sometimes dont get how GP are in the lives of their adult children so much , maybe im just Envy because my mum isnt really active in our life ,

Voidka · 14/03/2012 09:28

Why give the OP such a hard time?

Its only natural to wonder about things. I started a thread last year about things we wondered about our neighbours - it went on for ages.

sparkle12mar08 · 14/03/2012 09:28

And I repeat, stop being a nosey judgemental cow.

pennypuffle · 14/03/2012 09:29

My parents and inlaws are at our house loads, doing the garden, decorating, picking kids up...i tell them they don't have to cos we're fine and can manage. They tell me they like helping and just want to see the kids and spend some time with them. I say, great and go and have a brew!
We're a close family, we've chosen to live near both sets of parents. They get to see kids, we get loads of support, everyone's happy! :)

Lots of my friends have no support at all, i feel bad for them but i'm not going to tell my parents/inlaws to stay away just cos they haven't got access to theirs!

ShowOfHands · 14/03/2012 09:30

I'm not your neighbour. I'm more lazy, more entitled, more selfish. I only have one child to get to school. The other one's a baby. And I have no dog. But nice to know you view my life in the same way as you do your neighbour's.

I shan't bother listing all the things we do for MIL/FIL/my parents/my elderly grandparents/my disabled relatives/the respite care for severely autistic dn. You of course won't see any of that from behind your twitching nets and it sort of ruins the picture you've built up of me. Grin

Mumsyblouse · 14/03/2012 09:32

And thread after thread on MN is mums crying out for any type of family support and being really sad you don't get it.

Original poster
ssd · 14/03/2012 09:33

sparkle, no!

I'll judge away, thanks

maybe thats what divides this thread up, people who have the gp's running after them and like it and people who haven't

seriously though, i do wonder why some parents feel the need to have their mums and dads still running after them like they are kids themselves

part of being a grown up is being independant and running your own life, not having kids and expecting your mum and dad to do all the running around for you

maybe thats it, maybe my neighbour like her parents treating her like a child

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 14/03/2012 09:33

Voidka, wondering is fine. But she's saying that the couple 'demand' this help, has decided that the parents are 'done in', that they have no time of their own, that there are no additional factors. And at the same time suggesting that the parents look needy and over-involved. Ask the question yes, But the op's already supplemented the question and come up with her own answers. That's not speculation, that's judging.

Shutupanddrive · 14/03/2012 09:34

What's it got to do with you? Hmm ah that's it bugger all!

gramercy · 14/03/2012 09:35

STOP BEING SO NASTY TO THE OP !!!!!

Can't you understand that punch in the stomach feeling that comes when you see other people with their families and you don't have one single bit of help or support? Those flinging biscuits etc around are probably those who breezily brag about their amount of babysitting etc. It's hard to see some people being very spoilt and it does cause unfortunate jealous feelings.

I know when I tentatively suggested a babysitting circle at playgroup and a woman fixed me with an incredulous look and said "Why don't you ask your mum to babysit?" She just looked blank when I replied that that would involve a seance.

Hellboy · 14/03/2012 09:35

YABtotallyU

I get a bit of help from my mum and dad, they like pottering about helping with the kids and what not.

You sound well jel Biscuit

Swipe left for the next trending thread