to wonder why my neighbour needs so much help from her mum and dad?

[ssd]

my neighbour is married with 2 kids in school.

they family are fit and healthy (her words) with no underlying problems

they parents are, or at least seem, more than capable of looking after 2 kids

so AIBU on judging her on the amount of help she gets from her parents?

they are there every day, usually seperately, taking the kids to school, picking them up again, bringing in shopping, doing the garden, walking the dog, god knows what else

why do the parents need help every day?

why don't they want the in laws to get a sleep in/time to themselves and look after their kids themselves?

why do the in laws feel the need to always be helping, don't they realise they look like they can't stay out of their daughters life even for a day?

am slightly jealous and slightly confused why 2 grown up fit able bodied parents need the help of their parents every single day? it just looks like they cAN'T DO A BLARDY THING BY THEMSELVES. (OOPS SORRY) CAPS ON

Come on do you see all those biscuits, the subtext for AIBU used to be

AIBU of course I'm being a little bit unreasonable else why would I be on an anonymous internet forum asking strangers but is it normal blah in the secrecy of your own thoughts to wonder....

I'd have thought that loads of us wonder about our neighbours lives and compare them to our own.

Aah, I see what you are saying, but then, then if that's so, the form would be to be all good-humoured about it when people disagree

I'm of the opinion that AIBU should only about deeply trivial or inoffensive things, and no one should get arsey or FFS anyone

thanks blackbag!

Jamie, I deeply resent you saying I'm getting arsey and I certainly didn't FFS anyone

I have been pitied, laughed at (hahaha) and told to "leave us alone" on this thread (never mind the stupid repitition of biscuits near the start, whatever that's about...), as well as being reminded again and again what wonderful family lives everyone else has...........

after that I'd say being arsey is quite justified

oh, just checked the beginning of the thread, I was swore at and called a nosey judgemental cow too

need I go on?

Is this for real? Have you not get better things to do? I moved back to my home town when pg and my mum dotes on my dd and spends loads of time with her. She has her once a week while I go to uni, but during holidays she still insists on having her as she loves it, and I get some time to myself or a chance to catch up on housework. Plus, how do you know what's going on? Mum may not appear physically disabled but perhaps she has Pnd or something. Yabu.

Sworn at.

We are just like your neighbours, both sets of grandparents live locally and help out all the time, they love having such a close relationship with the kids. I just think we are really lucky to have help and companionship with everything we do.

Monday dh was off, his parents came over and did the garden with him, then my mum popped in for a coffee before picking up one ds from school, she always takes him for tea on a Mon and the other ds on a Tues.

If I need help decorating there is a team of helpers and it gets done in a quarter of the time - grandpa is on baby walking duty as he loves taking him for a walk in his pram.

Not sure what the problem is really? Wouldn't describe myself as needy as could do it ourselves but why would we want to when we have company to do it with?

oh, I am so jealous and wish I had a set up like your neighbours.
We have fuck all family nearby and it makes me sad sometimes.

I haven't read many of the posts on this thread so could be repeating what others have said.

It sounds as though the OP's neighbours probably don't NEED the help of the grandparents. However, assuming that all parties involved are happy with the current arrangement there is not much point analysing it, especially if it is making the OP feel jealous. Some people have lots of support from their families, whether or not they need it. Others, for whatever reason, don't. Being jealous of someone else's situation is a pointless waste of energy.

Maybe the il's are bored , retired looking for things to do.

OJ - I meant people as a whole getting arsey and FFSing, not just you

sorry that last post was to ssd

I'm sorry, but I fail to see how it is any of your business!

My PIL come over every day and my MIL even does our ironing, Admit it, You're all jealous

Oh, my life is so hard and I struggle every day with the huge burdens I trudge along under.
I have been a full time primary teacher for decades, I work late into the night with enormous amounts to prepare and mark. I have two children who are now 17 and 21. It is so hard managing one at university and one at home, especially as my youngest has SN and is a boy and a teenager and everyone knows how scary and difficult teenagers are. I've got a house and a garden to manage and a husband and very little money and I haven't been on a plane since 1978, or abroad since 2007. it's all so very difficult every day.

Does that make it any better?

Oh, I forgot. When my children were small, and preschool I lived in the far soggy North hundreds of miles away from any family at all, and there weren't even P & C parking spaces or anything. And I couldn't drive or anything and neither could DH and we had to use buses.
Feel my pain.

feel better now dust?

gramercy Wed 14-Mar-12 09:35:15

"Can't you understand that punch in the stomach feeling that comes when you see other people with their families and you don't have one single bit of help or support?"

No, I genuinely cannot. I struggle with one disabled child, and the other one intermittently disabled, parents on the other side of the North Sea, MIL paralysed in a nursing home- and I cannot see what another woman's family support takes away from me. I think it looks lovely to see grandparents and grandchildren spend time together. If anyone is being exploited that is of course a shame- but the gp's are adults: they have to make their own decisions about how they want to run their lives.

'All those with oodles of family help and support should clear off and leave those of us with none at all to be miserable curmudgeons without having to suffer sanctimonious finger wagging.'

Maybe that should have been the thread title. And not posted in AIBU then. Then everyone would have agreed with ssd

God, what a vile thread!

So, because I get help from GPs (both sides) with my dc I am somehow more lazy/less worthy than a person with no family nearby?

We made a deliberate decision to live near family for exactly this reason...we wanted our dc to know their GPs and have a good relationship with them. Its great to see the relationship my dc have with their GPs....all mine were dead by the time I was 4. My dc (and GPs) get so much from their time together. Its lovely.

If you move away from home by choice, do you really expect your PILs/parents to follow you to provide help/childcare?

So fed up of people telling me how lucky I am to have help...yes I know, but if you choose to move to Austalia/other end of the country then except the consequences fgs!!!

My eldest dc has sn so getting a break does us both good. dh works away so the dc having the odd sleepover means I get at least one good nights sleep when he is not here.

Do people really judge others on this? How very, very sad

I used to work with someone who despite having help & support from her nearby family, complained, A LOT about her 'princess' of a nnd, whose parents 'did everyhthing for her' blah blah blah. Spoiled hint was an 'entitled' nightmare etc

I listened & didn't really have an opinion either way, but nodded sympathetically.

Then found out a couple of years later that the lovely down to earth woman in my NCT class was in fact the 'princess'! Couldn't quite fathom it. She was pretty, well educated & nicely dressed. Due to a lot of travelling when she was much younger, for her dad's job, she & her sister were very close to her parents. Her DH had been stationed in Afghanistan & she'd suffered dreadful bullying at work (resulting in her winning a case for constructive dismissal out of court) at the time my lovely colleague had been moaning. She also mentioned how her old neighbour's aggressive behaviour, loud music & constant chuffing fags in the garden next to her kitchen window had made her feel so fed up they put the house on the Market & moved, even though they lost some money.

As a result her, DH, dd & large baby bump live at her parent's house, in an annex & she does all the housework as she doesn't woh atm & is so grateful for all the support they gave her during her tough time.

Just saying, two sides to every story!

Ps my folks live 400 miles away, I wish they didn't, but my choice to live here, so ho hum.

'feel better now dust?'

No, I was just getting into my self-pitying groove when I looked at the clock and decided that I really had to do some work. I could have gone into a full four Yorkshiremen flow.

well, all those calling the OP nosey, judgemental, interested in the wrong stuff, spitefully curious..why did you click on the thread? I like these threads - they're soap opera and Les Dawson ladies all at once. It's just the gossip gene, innit? must stop wasting valuable time on this site! really, this has got to stop, I can never get this time back again...

dust