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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to really not identify with the feminist boards on here, when i always thought I was a feminist

952 replies

DinahMoHum · 11/03/2012 11:03

seems so joyless and anti sex.

I feel very conflicted now. I always thought feminism was about equality for women, which I dont believe we have, but it seems to re\lly be focusing on the wrong issues for me, and getting too much into dynamics of personal relationships, and peoples sexual preferences

im probably being unreasonable

OP posts:

Original poster

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 14:00

and the household income thing is a bit of a redherring. The Op said they had seperate bank accounts, and then she was told that it was weird and controlling and abusive that they had seperate bank accounts.

I was a bit shocked by that as most couples i know have seperate bank accounts.

OP posts:

Original poster

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 14:01

im not so keen to defend anyone else on that thread. Im defending the OP, and im defending myself.

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 12/03/2012 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShirleyKnot · 12/03/2012 14:04

Um.

I'm definitely more shocked at the posters just saying stuff like "Men like Sex" y'know, like DURRRRR!

That is massively shocking to me that a woman could ask for help and support and be told that, essentially, it's HER fault that her husband paid for sex with a prostitute.

I don't think FWR posters would dream of saying such a thing, and yet it's those people you are reserving your ire for?

I find that pretty strange.

AnyFucker · 12/03/2012 14:06

Dinah, what do you think about a post that extols the virtues of P*unternet on a thread where a woman has discovered that her husband uses prostitutes ?

Beachcomber · 12/03/2012 14:07

So this whole mess is just a thread about a thread then?

Was the thread in question actually even in the feminist section?

If I understand correctly the OP has started a thread in AIBU accusing some unnamed group of 'feminists' of doing all sorts of terrible things, when it fact the real issue is that she disagreed with advice/opinions given by a range of MNers on a support thread.

And we have how many posts egging this on now? How many posters jumping on the bandwagon to take a pop at the FWR section regulars?

These threads always seem to turn out like this. No doubt this one will be added to the 'evidence' of how nasty the feminist posters on MN are though.

AliceHurled · 12/03/2012 14:08

Why didn't you start a thread saying 'I don't think people in relationships are supportive enough' OP if that is your view? Why start one about feminists.

Some people are so threatened by women discussing feminism aren't they

Original poster

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 14:11

Ah i get who you mean now. She sounds like a bit of a wanker. I agreed with "some" of what she said, but i thought it was irrelevant anyway as it wasnt even talking about the same situation anyway and seemed like she hadnt read it properly. She was one person saying it anyway. I didnt feel like there was a massive influx from a pro-sex industry board trying to get their point across on other threads. I should have pulled her up on that, but tbh, it was fairly early on in the thread and i hadnt got so irritated by then

OP posts:

Original poster

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 14:12

some of what she said, but certainly not most btw

OP posts:

HesterBurnitall · 12/03/2012 14:14

You get to say what you think constitutes being supportive, Dinah. You don't get to make pronouncements on what is supportive full stop. Well you can say it, but it's meaningless. Your opinion is just that, an opinion. So be supportive your way, and have the basic courtesy to allow others to be supportive in their way.

garlicbutter · 12/03/2012 14:15

I disagree, SGM. I don't think I'm disingenuous. I am only 'disingenuous' on joke threads. I'm telling my truth. And I observe forum rules.

Original poster

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 14:18

no it wasnt a thread about that particular thread. There are several other occasions ive noticed similar, but that one certainly stood out. Im a bit uncomfortable again that that thread has been outed and is now being debated as i really wasnt wanting that to happen.

My problem again, is a group of people who seem to be radfems, going around different threads, and trying to put a feminist slant on everything, even when its a support thread.

Thankyou for helping me clarify to myself exactly what it was that was annoying me.
Whether this is a reasonable annoyance or not......still undecided. I still feel annoyed, but i dont feel annoyed with the fwr board, but i do feel a little sad that i dont identify with a lot of the posters for this sort of reason alone, when id like to, because we'd probably agree on a lot of other things, being that I do identify as a feminist

OP posts:

TheBigJessie · 12/03/2012 14:20

So, in that particular thread, it wasn't household income he'd spent. Good to know.

That's faint praise, isn't it?

ShirleyKnot · 12/03/2012 14:22

"My problem again, is a group of people who seem to be radfems, going around different threads, and trying to put a feminist slant on everything, even when its a support thread."

They are not generally considered to be RadFems. Just plain common or garden women who do not believe that men are entitled to treat people like shit because they own a penis.

I'm glad to read that " but i dont feel annoyed with the fwr board" this is excellent.

Beachcomber · 12/03/2012 14:22

OK, I've taken a look at the thread now. If it is the one I think it is, it isn't in the FWR section and there are a whole range of MNers posting on it.

It was a pretty standard thread with differing opinions and advice. Business as usual on MN.

for this thread OP.

And a whole barrel of 'em for the posters who jumped on this thread in order to have a go at FWR regulars.

Beachcomber · 12/03/2012 14:26

OP that is why the guidelines exist. That is why we have the rule of not dragging things across threads and entire sections of MN.

Because it means people's personal situations get used to push an agenda or a opinion.

Which is a bit ironic isn't it?

AliceHurled · 12/03/2012 14:27

So your problem is that people are posting on threads, and some of them have feminist views? And you don't like that cos they're not the same as your views? You might struggle on mn then to be honest. People often post views, and they are sometimes different to your own.

Original poster

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 14:28

you seem to be really into rules and regulations Beachcomber

OP posts:

Original poster

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 14:32

no alicehurled, I like feminist views. I have a lot of them myself. Just dont see that pushing the agenda voraciously on support threads or unrelated threads, does anyone any favours. Not the people trying to get their message across, or the people they think theyre helping

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JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 12/03/2012 14:34

I have found some threads very complicated like feminism is a really specialist subject - whereas I feel perhaps more could be done to welcome all women to the discussion and to raising awareness of the issues involved.

However I've found most threads and posters to be very convincing and intelligently argued - I prefered the discussion of Gina Ford's dreadful new book (IMHO) in feminism to the one in chat (I think it was) I liked the well deserved anger that was in evidence !

Beachcomber · 12/03/2012 14:34

Well you see DinahMoHum I've been on MN long enough to have experienced a whole bunch of troll invasions, internal squabbles, stalking and general hurt and upset.

And I've come to the conclusion that the rules are there for a reason - one of them being to avoid threads like this one.

I suggest you take it up with MNHQ if you don't think these rules apply to you.

handbagCrab · 12/03/2012 14:36

Well, this has been a monumental waste of everyone's time, energy and effort hasn't it?

The title is inaccurate. It's a thread about a thread in relationships. After skimming that thread most of the posters on it haven't posted on here or stand out as posters on fwr. The joyless-ness and sexless-ness in this case is to do with not agreeing with the extramarital use of prostitutes.

You couldn't make it up!

AliceHurled · 12/03/2012 14:38

So if you have feminist views, and you post, how do you remove the feminism from them? It's not something you pick up and put down. It's the way you views are shaped. I also have left leaning views for example. Should I put them to one side too? What would I post? How would that work? Should we all just post 'whatever you think Hun' or 'I have no view'? How would that be useful?

ShirleyKnot · 12/03/2012 14:39

Saying that a man who pays a woman to have sex outside of the marital agreement is an abusive man is NOT anti-man or anti-sex or anti anything other than anti-abuse.

It's not pushing an agenda to tell a woman who is being abused that she doesn't have to put up with it.

Original poster

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 14:40

oh ffs

im glad i started it. Its clarified things for me

OP posts:

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