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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was it that odd, or is MiL overracting?

292 replies

Midnightmoon · 10/03/2012 21:30

Had some bad news today and I was very upset the 2 older Dcs where on play dates. So it was just me, Dh and Dd2. Dd2 was asleep when it happened so it was just me and Dh. We curled up on the sofa and after crying all over him I fell asleep on him.
Was woken up an hour later by MIL who just lets herself in. She walked in and saw me still asleep on Dh at this point. She immediately jumped into a lecture on how this should not be done at all and using my Dh as a bed was direspectful towards him. Dh said he didn't mind and said she shouldn't of woken me up. (This is because I haven't been sleeping alot recently but MIL doesn't know this and if I'd of known she was coming I'd of tried to stay awake) MiL wasn't happy at this and asked where the Dcs where. Told her the 2 Dcs where out with their friends. She said I was awful mother and what if something had happened to the Dcs while i was asleep and they needed taking care of. I said that Dh would of woken me up plus Dh could of taken care of them otherwise. MiL pulled a face and then walked upstairs woke Dd2 , came down told me I needed to 'get cleaning' rather than laze around sleeping all day.
Dh got grumpy at this told her to leave and that she didn't know what I did for my family and that if it wasn't for me there was not way he would be able to do it all, she then left.
So was it that odd or am I the only one who has a very comfy Dh. :o

OP posts:
BagofHolly · 11/03/2012 23:23

Saggy is that why they do that? I thought it was cos whatever they were humping smelt humpable! I've learnt something there!

QuacksForDoughnuts · 11/03/2012 23:30

Sounds like she has issues with displays of affection. I have some (limited) sympathy with that as I also find these things hard to watch. On the other hand I tend not to arrive at people's houses without warning and let myself in, hence minimising the chance of seeing anything people wouldn't be happy to do in front of me. And unless one of the people concerned was my partner/family member married to someone other than the other participant I would accept it was my problem anyway...

ifeelloved · 11/03/2012 23:39

Why do you still see this woman???

PigletUnrepentant · 11/03/2012 23:43

just like my ex MIL... hence my divorce... such a liberating experience.

If you accept my humble advice, you have to present a united front against her now (while you still care about each other). We took such a long time that by the time we did, the marriage was so damaged it couldn't survive it: By then I despised the weakness of my ex and had fallen out of love, and he didn't love me enough anymore to choose me over his mother. Simple. She got her son back and I got my freedom :)

essexmumma · 11/03/2012 23:45

This puts my MIL issues massively into perspective!! OP you have my utter sympathy and quite frankly I would tell her to bugger off.

BagofHolly · 11/03/2012 23:47

Piglet that's v sad. Sad

PigletUnrepentant · 11/03/2012 23:54

Well... if you have been around at the time that my exMIL was a legend in Mumsnet, you would say that the sad thing would have been for me to stay married to that man and his mother Wink

BustersOfDoom · 12/03/2012 00:21

I find it difficult to understand why you would need to ask if YABU. You are clearly not and I would have gone apeshit and chucked her out on both occassions. But you are not me. I am a bolshy cow Grin. However, what has made me into a bolshy cow is seeing the damage that two controlling mothers did to my parent's marriage and I urge you to act now. It is not normal for a MIL to behave like this, by any stretch of the imagination.

Your DH needs to grow a pair and to tell his parent to back off. That it is his AND his wife's home and that if his wife asks them to leave then they should. The locks must be changed and if that isn't possible quickly then go to B&Q and buy some bolts and bolt the doors when you are at home. How dare she let herself in and berate you? Tbh I'm more aghast that your DH didn't stop her in her tracks. My DP would've done in a heartbeat. And as for going upstairs and waking a sleeping child he would have gone ballistic.

You both sound far too passive in the face of such crap, which does make me wonder whether this is a wind up. But if it isn't for god's sake sort yourselves out and set some boundaries. This is very far from normal.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 12/03/2012 01:32

Unless your cut in the will is equal to a lotto win I'd be dumping the lot of them pdq!

Well done though for seeming so calm and seeing the funny side, you're much better than me OP- If anyone came into my home, spoke to me/DH/the hobbits that way, actually if they spoke to my cat that way, i would be launching them out of he door!

aurynne · 12/03/2012 10:10

Sell her to the zoo...

QuietNinjaLamp · 12/03/2012 10:31

Just Shock and Confused at your bonkers mil. Actually speechless. Christ knows what she'd think of me, I fall asleep on dh all the time

mummytime · 12/03/2012 11:00

Please get your locks changed (Banham ones are very secure and can only have a new key cut by people with a signature approved). Actually I would be thinking of moving, her behaviour is unacceptable and you need some distance from her.

Original poster
Midnightmoon · 13/03/2012 21:42

We have changer the locks and got one of those chain things so the door only opens a few cms.
We are passive as Dh doesn't want to fall out with his whole family, which will happen if we fall out with MiL. However Dh has agreed that this is not on and I have said that if she tries it again I am not going to hold my tounge. He agrees to this and he also won't hold his tounge.
He also agrees that we are not making the first move and that if SiLs get involved he can deal with them and I will back him up on that.

OP posts:
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 13/03/2012 21:51

Well done you. I'm so glad that your DH with you on presenting a united front.

Eglu · 13/03/2012 22:02

So pleased you have a lovely DH, and not one of the men we read about on mn so often that won't have a word said against their mummy.

Becaroooo · 13/03/2012 22:09

change the locks.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 13/03/2012 22:25

Well done :) It's a good start.

breatheslowly · 13/03/2012 22:27

Have you told your MIL or are you just waiting for her to find out for herself?

ally90 · 13/03/2012 22:58

Let her find out Grin

I had an ex bf father let himself into our house, it was 8 in the morning and we were having a lie in. He was there to decorate though, but we would have appreciated him asking first!

And when dh got his first house, he came home to find his uncle, changing the locks so his mother could have a key to the house. She and his sis (who he was not speaking too at the time due to v unreasonable behaviour) went on a weekly basis and did a house inspection. His mother would then report back to him, ie your living room needs a clean etc.

She also kidnapped his dog when he broke up with a gf.

She's a lovely lady.

I'm on the edge of my seat now waiting till she finds out you've changed the locks...

ifeelloved · 14/03/2012 07:21

I know this is your real life and not a comedy, but please let us know her reaction when she finds out Grin

south345 · 14/03/2012 07:34

Glad you changed them, she should never speak to you like that or let herself in.

SoupDragon · 14/03/2012 07:41

I wouldn't tell her that the locks have been changed.

Wait til she finds out - will she mention it or will she keep quiet because the only way she cold have found out is because she's tried to let herself in uninvited?

diddl · 14/03/2012 07:56

If she´t she knows OP is in-won´t she just hammer on the door/knock on windows(if possible)/ask for a key?

She won´t think it´s due to her behaviour, willl she?

But the joy of not answering the door & knowing that she can´t get in...

Kayzr · 14/03/2012 07:59

Well done for changing the locks.

Please don't tell her and set up a secret camera so you can see her face when she tries to get in. It'll be priceless Grin

Hebiegebies · 14/03/2012 09:31

Make sure the back door is secured, it sounds as if she would stop at nothing to gain entry to your home