To wonder why MN has turned into such a bitch fest recently.

[Lucy88]

I have been coming on MN on and off for about 2 years and have always found it to be very useful for reading others advice and asking others for advice, reading reviews and getting holiday advice. There will always be times when people will disagree or not like other peoples advice, but I have been truly shocked recently at some of the posts I have read.

I am quite an outspoken person (in real life), but do try to adhere to the mantra of 'Don't put anything online that you would not be prepared to say to anyones face' but OMG even I have been surprised at the amount of bitchy, nasty responses some people have received on here recently.

I know that it is difficult when communicating just through the written word, as there is no body language or intonation to always give the correct message, but some posters really do think it is ok to be really nasty and make personal comments. Name calling seems to be the 'in thing' at the moment and I have to admit, that I just don't get it - not from grown women.

The majority of people who make these types of comments, probably wouldn't dare to say these things to people's faces, but think it is perfectly ok to do it online.

Can we at least have a week where we think about what we post and if we can't post anything constructive and polite, then perhaps don't post at all.

genuinely ,why does it matter who poster is?
don't you just read post and comment?
this notion of mn gripes/grudges or a mn memory is bizarre
I don't commit to mn names memory

No I can't do these things...don't make me try!!

Even my phone doesn't have a camera or anything fancy...it allows me to make calls and sent texts...that's it nothing complicated!

I tried to send a text from my son's phone the other week and ended up taking a photograph of my knee

well would I?
only a duffus would have a online gripe

It's human nature to learn from bad experiences though...I can't help it,if someone is arsey to me I can't help remembering their name and just don't speak to them again..not a conscious 'gripe'

Scottishmummy- because I use MN differently to you. I don't subscribe to the Words On A Screen theory- I build relationships here, form bonds of accord etc.

I don't necessarily get to know all the posters that amuse or engage me off-board, but I feel like I get to "know" posters, or their personas here.

It is social media to me, not just sounding off about particular issues. Often the issues are incidental.

I'm not saying my way is superior to yours, but, um, that's just the way I roll.

social media yes
corroborated as factual media. no
folk should be canny enough to know the words on the screen may not be as they seem

pram scams
begging scams
sob stories
tall tales
...all abound online and on mn

as mnhq always advises be canny,bit circumspect
be safe

Yes, all true. I don't tend to get sucked into that sort of stuff. But having a bit of banter with people I find reliably funny feels like a pleasant way to use Mumsnet to me.

yes it is all about the patter
the online bibble babble
that's why I love it

How long do you have to be here to notice these things? Because I couldn't link one negative post to any other.

I think the thing that upsets me most, is when a group of posters who are very familiar with one another start to discuss one person, probably off board and then target the person either with a thread about them, or by incursion onto their threads, with comments that are clearly aimed at undermining that person's presence on the site.

Not just my paranoia that has noticed groups turn up in force in a 5 minute period then?

I don't necessarily think a lot of change is needed. Just the possibility of punishment beyond deletions in a very small minority of cases.

And trying to get people to think about how they are respecting others. Giving people a firm kick up the arse about netiquette would help. Just a reminder would make something of a difference. Nothing major nothing too formal. Just a gentle kick.

Making others aware of how manipulation is being used is another tactic. If people can see the signs it does make it more self policing. People loose respect for others pulled up on it.

Not just my paranoia that has noticed groups turn up in force in a 5 minute period then?

No, I have to say it took me about a year to realise it though...and that was only after someone else had pointed it out

Usually they'll have a good old go at derailing a thread by taking it way off topic and posting...

But lately I've noticed it doesn't always work and people tend to post round it until it stops.

Other times it seems people give up and leave them to it

Yes, that's an interesting perspective. It only needs to be a relatively small-scale tweak towards zero tolerance.

I do think manipulation is one of the most invidious factors.

X post. But also true WorraLiberty.

MNHQ certainly need to offer guidance on how to deal with the de-railing of a thread.

Lines of a song is a common one.

no, mn don't need to intervene in whose derailing or not
as it subjective
and on mn I've seen plenty shout derail what about da menz when it actually means don't like your post.on mn derail became putdown of choice

No I don't think they need to intervene at all because I've posted on forums where the moderators intervene for the silliest of reasons.

The best way to deal with things like that imo is to ignore them...post round them and try to continue the conversation.

If enough people do that, then people see them for how stupid they are.

I mean trying to 'silence' people's opinions just because you don't like or agree with them is pretty stupid on a discussion board.

How about when it's page after page after page after page of in-jokes, incomprehensible to newbies?

You can post a thread in a similar vein making fun of another poster within minutes of their original post. As long as it directly doesn't mention them its fine. MNHQ class it as sarcasm and its ok, even if the meaning is obviously having something of a pop at the other OP.

Yes, fair enough if people do start to carry on discussions regardless. If that became the culture then the attempts to de-rail would be futile anyway.

Seriously? MN needs to guide people on how to post? Come off it. This is entertainment, sometimes support, sometimes advice. Post what you like within guidelines, go somewhere else if you don't like it. I'm a regular here, but if it pissed me off more than it engaged me, I'd shuffle off without fanfare. It's worked this long; I doubt it needs fundamental reform in order to continue to be fairly attractive to the large number of people it appears to occupy adequately enough.

No, there is often deliberate de-railing. But if you don't see it, you don't see it. What can I say.

Yes, precisely, it's dull and pointless attention-seeking.