Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

I don't want to go to a wedding without my 2 yr old

127 replies

tizzi82 · 07/03/2012 22:32

PLs help. I feel totally gutted. I've recently received a wedding invite for a friend that is getting married the other end of the country. We lived together at uni and despite distance meet up as much as possible. I love her dearly and have been so excited to see her marry her long term partner. However, I was shocked to find my 2yr old son was not invited to the wedding.

My husband has left so we have been on our own for a while and as a result are very close and he is not easily left with anyone let alone for me to have two nights away without him.

To add insult to injury my invite says 'plus one guest'. Although the issue of children has been specifically addressed on the invite so my plus one can't be him. I find it rather upsetting that i could bring any 'old Joe' to my friends wedding but not my own son especially with him being so young. I also know that there will be other children at the wedding because they have a nephew the same age as my son. So it doesn't really make sense that the venue is unsuitable or even that money is an issue if they're happy to pay for a guest.

We don't have much money, but I was willing to make the trip our summer holiday. Now Im questioning whether to even go. Really need some good advice pls!!
Thanks

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/03/2012 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticAngel · 07/03/2012 22:36

Don't go if you don't want to. It's an invitation not a court summons.

Minshu · 07/03/2012 22:38

I wouldn't go. It's your friend's wedding, so she has the absolute right to say how she wants it.

You have the right to go or not go according to her rules. If her preferences in this impact your future friendship, that is her decision, I'm afraid.

Bobyan · 07/03/2012 22:39

You sound incredibly highly strung, it's not your wedding, your son isn't invited, get over it.

ENormaSnob · 07/03/2012 22:39

Is it family children only?

Decline the invite if you don't want to go.

Debsbear · 07/03/2012 22:40

Have you tried speaking to them about how you feel. You don't have to go if you don't want to, but it might be an idea if you explain. I've recently had an invite from friends who have asked people not to take their children if they live locally due to the cost, don't take it personally, but if you can't bear to leave him then let them know why you are not going. I don't think you're being unreasonable, but by G** I can't wait to have a night away from my lot! lol

sweetkitty · 07/03/2012 22:41

I wouldn't go I would explain why to my friend in a nice way though.

JoyceDivision · 07/03/2012 22:41

We had no children at our wedding, but we had our two nephews. Why? Because they're family. Why did we have no children? Because we would have to include them in the headcount and loose seats for guests we really wanted there. Also, if we had some friends dc's w would have top have asked all freinds dcs, and some of them are little horrors with parents who don't give -a toss when they've got party heads on-- very giggy kippers who would have found sitting in a church then sitting fora meal very boring.

We've been to plenty with out our dcs. Fantastic

KickArseQueen · 07/03/2012 22:41

Just tell her you are sorry, but you can't come without your son and ask for a copy of any video's / to be able to purchase any photo's of their day. Unfortunately until people have their own children they don't seem to "get" that a child is not an easy "thing" to leave behind! If I ever get round to getting married there will be as many kids there as possible! Family, children, friends, its what its all about!

She may decide you can bring your LO. But she may not!

Brides are funny creatures!

JoyceDivision · 07/03/2012 22:41

Giddy kippers! Not giggy! I despair!

Trills · 07/03/2012 22:42

YANBU to not go to the wedding.

YABU if you think that they have done something wrong in not inviting your 2 year old.

GhastlyBespoke · 07/03/2012 22:43

If you don't want to leave your son then the only option is to not go at all. Just politely decline. You never know. When learning of your circs she might let you bring him. Then again she might not. The fact is its her wedding and she will have her reasons for doing things the way she is.

babybrains · 07/03/2012 22:44

Have you actually asked your friend if you can bring your DS as your 'plus one'?

We didn't invite non related children to our wedding but made an exception for my friend's DS as her babysitting plans fell through and I really wanted her to be there. She was suitably apologetic when she asked though...

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2012 22:44

Their Nephew is family so I'm not surprised they're making an exception.

There are not many couples out there who can afford a wedding...let alone to invite all their guest's kids too.

The plus one thing makes sense because if your child was allowed as a plus one, everyone else would be kicking up a fuss and wanting to bring their kids...despite that possibly turning into plus one, two, three or four....

ZillionChocolate · 07/03/2012 22:44

Ring up and decline politely and explain your reason. If your friend really wants you there, she can change her rule. It may be that she can't change the rule and you'll have to not go. Don't ask her to do it though, it's her choice.

Trills · 07/03/2012 22:46

I think it's a bit mental to have a "plus one" in the first place.

BackforGood · 07/03/2012 22:46

As everyone else says - it's an invitation to a do hosted by someone else. It's prefectly normal for other adults to not invite lots of small children to their wedding day. It might not be your choice, but it is hers. However, it's an invitation, not compulsory to attend. If you really don't want to make it work, that's up to you, but doesn't your ds have (at the very least) a father and 4 Grandparents ? (possibly more with 2nd marriages and the like, and that's before we get onto Aunts and Uncles).
So yes, YABU to think the world revolves around your 2 yr old. If you want to live a life when you never allow yourself a night or two off, that's entirely your decision. Wouldn't be my choice, but I understand there are other MNers who are the same. Each to their own.

Iggly · 07/03/2012 22:47

But Joyce, that's bollocks in the OPs case - she can bring a guest

We're turning down a wedding because we can't bring our two DCs. I find child free weddings a bit odd because I see them as family occasions for all ages. We had kids at ours including two feckers that made noise during the ceremony and it was lovely

floweryblue · 07/03/2012 22:47

She is your friend. Talk to her.

There may be many reasons why she does not want to invite your son (and all/some of her other guests DC).

Just have a conversation. If she can't have your lad there and therefore you can't go, fine.

thatboysmum · 07/03/2012 22:47

It's their wedding and their decision, your son probably hasn't been singled out as the only one not to go, they may only be inviting family children. Either way though it doesn't matter. If you don't want to go without your son then don't go.

skybluepearl · 07/03/2012 22:48

ask directly - explain you fancied making the trip into a holiday and wondered if DS could be your plus one. Maybe say theres no one else you really want to take.

FizzyLaces · 07/03/2012 22:48

YABU I would not want to go to a wedding with my 2 year old

goonies · 07/03/2012 22:53

I love child free weddings (i leave mine with grandparents) but equally I love weddings with our children. We have to remember It's the bride and grooms choosing how they celebrate Thier day.

The hardest wedding day We have ever been to was where an old school friend of mine and the bride held the bride to ransom and took her 2 children, and my dh and I got stuck on the table with them (after we had respected Thier wishes and left our children behind)

Just reply and say you can't go.

startail · 07/03/2012 22:55

I get the OP exactly. DH has left she'd love to see her old friends and have some adult company.

Personally I think weddings should be light hearted inclusive affairs not stuffy formal show off how much money you've got dos. If there's to much hanging about for DCs then many of your guests are fed up to!

Spuddybean · 07/03/2012 22:57

personally i wouldn't ask. If she has already made it clear children are not invited, then you are just going to make things awkward by making her repeat it and you getting upset. I see neither insult nor injury in the invitation OP. They just have invited who they want.

I understand some people see weddings as family/child friendly occasions, but others don't. I think you should respect that.

At my wedding we had people calling and asking if extra uninvited people could come and i did think it was cheeky. It put me in an uncomfortable position. We even had someone who couldn't make it pass their invitation on to someone else - as if it was a concert ticket!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread