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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you take your kids to the cafe, you shouldn't bring a packed lunch for them?

286 replies

AndiMac · 07/03/2012 13:02

I'm at the garden centre and there's a soft play area attached to the cafe bit. A mum with two kids about 4 is here with her friend. They have ordered lunch, but the kids are having food the mum brought from home. Not just a couple of breadsticks, but sandwiches, sides and a drink. The cafe has food for kids, so that isn't an excuse.

I can understand that going out for lunch is expensive, but am I being unreasonable to think if you can't afford to buy lunch for your kids as well as yourself, maybe you should come after lunch and just have a coffee?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2012 13:03

That is bloody cheeky IMO. YANBU.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 07/03/2012 13:03

YANBU.

trixie123 · 07/03/2012 13:04

YANBU. Obviously if they are babies then fine but at age 4 they should have cafe food if they are eating at all. They will be taking up a seat that another paying adult could have

Emski76 · 07/03/2012 13:04

I can see your point of view. I would never bring food for my ds1 who is 4, but I do tend to bring food for ds2 who has just turned 1 because alot of places don;t really seem to cater for children that young unless its jarred food which cannot then be heated up by the cafe/restuarant due to health and safety.
It must be frustrating working in a food extablishment watching people doing this though.
So I do not think you ABU

Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2012 13:05

Someone will probably say they have allergies and couldn't eat the cafe food or something.

imnotmymum · 07/03/2012 13:06

unless they have any dietry requirements then that is outrageous !! They have a nice lunch the kids have the usual sandwich

PrisonerOfWaugh · 07/03/2012 13:06

-Does the garden centre ask that people don't bring their own food?
-At least they did buy some food
-Maybe the kids have special diets/are fussy (and I truely can sympathise here trying to raise veggie kids who can't bear the plastic cheese sandwiches they are always faced with)
-So the food for kids in the cafe may be particularly shite
-Maybe the kids don't eat a whole portion of cafe food in which case it is a waste
-Perhaps they are trying to economise and still have a nice family day out

etc.

BrownBoobBear · 07/03/2012 13:06

Well my DD has a lot of allergies and can't eat a lot of stuff so I do tend to take my own food. I hate when people look at me like I'm a spend thrift though, as they don't know the reason. I would love to be able to order her a meal from the menu!

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 07/03/2012 13:07

YANBU, but i think it's quite common.
i saw a couple with a DS aged about 4 in the pub the other day. The DS had a full packed lunch while the couple had pub food. the allergy issue (which someone will no doubt raise Wink) was unlikely to be a factor as they cook everything from scratch there, down to home made bread and ice cream, so would have no problems whipping up something allergy-free.
I was embarrassed on behalf of all owners of small DC.

thisisyesterday · 07/03/2012 13:09

YANBU

i really, really hate this

2 of my 3 children cannot have dairy/egg and we are also vegetarian. this makes buying food out incredibly hard.
however, I always try and find out beforehand what places have on the menu, and we will buy as much as possible from the place we're eating in and then supplement with our own food if necessary

KalSkirata · 07/03/2012 13:09

perhaps the food is shite?
I used to take own food for dietry reasons.
Still do for dd2.

Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2012 13:10

If the food is shite, why would the adults be eating it?

thisisyesterday · 07/03/2012 13:11

prisonerofwaugh... then maybe they should consider taking a picnic for everyone and not eating it in the cafe??

just a thought

we quite often will take picnics if places can't cater for the other 2. DP goes and gets us tea or whatever from the cafe and we all sit out and have our picnic.

shockers · 07/03/2012 13:12

My nieces will hardly eat anything that their Mum hasn't made (very annoying!).It is a massive waste of money to buy them anything in a cafe but I wouldn't want to miss out on a nice lunch out if they were with me. I would, however, buy drinks for them in this sort of scenario (and maybe a bowl of chips I could help them with Grin).

LoonyRationalist · 07/03/2012 13:12

YABU to judge for all the very good reasons already listed. It's not ideal but some families may have no option. I'd also say it is a matter between the cafe owner & the customer.

thisisyesterday · 07/03/2012 13:14

why would some families have no option?

is someone forcing them to go out for lunch?
is someone forcing them to eat there?

no.
they could go at a different time
they could take a picnic for everyone that isn't eaten in the cafe
they could ask about food in advance if they are concerned about allergies
they could go elsewhere

I'm sorry, but there is no excuse. no-one HAS to eat in a cafe.

Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2012 13:14

They shouldn't take up the seat of a paying customer in a cafe. Imagine if everyone took their own food. Confused

PrisonerOfWaugh · 07/03/2012 13:15

Maybe they were going to have a picnic, but it is pissing down with rain (like it is here). Or perhaps there is no picnic seating at the garden centre. Or they wanted to take advantage of the soft play.

Thing is they are paying for some food and drinks, so not taking complete advantage, so I think we can cut them a bit of slack.

And for whoever asked why would the food be shite is the parents are eating it? - I can state that children's menus are OFTEN full of complete crap that the parents wouldn't be seen dead eating

Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2012 13:17

The children could have something from the adult menu then. Confused Garden centres do loads of different food.

justonemorethread · 07/03/2012 13:17

Well I often like to go out to cafes with dd even though I can't really afford it... My obvious solution would be to eat a sandwich before I go in, or have something at home, and just order lunch for dd and have a coffee myself.
Then proceeding to polish off whatever dd hasn't eaten!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 07/03/2012 13:17

Yabu. The kids could be allergic/ fussy etc or if it's like some typical kids meals in some establishments where it's all something chips and beans maybe the mum didn't want them having that. And sometimes sandwhichs all contain mayo or plastic cheese that the kids just don't like so rather than waste money on food they won't eat she brought something that they would eat. If the cafe had a problem I'm sure they woulda said something and they did purchase food so it's not like they don't have a right to sit there :)

BrownBoobBear · 07/03/2012 13:19

thisisyesterday - you obviously don't have children with allergies! Asking in advance is all well and good, but normally you are told 'we can't offer any guarantees' etc. You will find that most catering establishments would rather have the adults buying food and drinks and brining a small snack for the children, then noone coming at all. I would always mention this when ordering, and if I was told it wasn't ok, I wouldn't stay. Not yet been told we can't feed our DD her own food.

Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2012 13:20

The children didn't purchase any food but were taking up seats. If I was the cafe owner I would be really fed up, had I have known.

choceyes · 07/03/2012 13:21

YANBU. Apart from any allergy concerns, I also think it is sad that the kids have to eat a packed lunch while their parents enjoy a nice meal.

When we go out and if there is no half portion sized proper meals for kids ( i really don't like the sausage/nuggets/chips option that most places do), then me and DH share our meals with the DCs (3.4yrs and 18 months). But we also buy a cake/pudding cups of tea etc too. When DD who is 18 months is older, like say 3, then we will probably buy a main meal between them to share. Till then it would be a waste.

I have a friend that I meet up quite regularly and I know she is finding it hard moneywise as she is a SAHM. But I find it embaressing when we go to a cafe and she has bought sandwiches for her DS already (same age as my DS). In the winter you HAVE to eat in, it's not an option to sit on park bench with a sandwich, plus my DD of 18 months needs a highchair for her meals otherwise she will just wander offf without eating anything. So far noone has told her not to do this, and I don't say anything, but it is not on.

Original poster
AndiMac · 07/03/2012 13:21

The cafe does have signs only food bought there is to be consumed there. It might be allergies, I can't tell from a sliced sandwich. But they are drinking bloody Innocent smoothies they brought themselves rather than the decent selection of juices and juicy waters the cafe has. Don't try and tell me that is allergies.

The food is actually pretty good, all the sandwiches are made to order, including the kids' ones.

OP posts: