Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you take your kids to the cafe, you shouldn't bring a packed lunch for them?

286 replies

AndiMac · 07/03/2012 13:02

I'm at the garden centre and there's a soft play area attached to the cafe bit. A mum with two kids about 4 is here with her friend. They have ordered lunch, but the kids are having food the mum brought from home. Not just a couple of breadsticks, but sandwiches, sides and a drink. The cafe has food for kids, so that isn't an excuse.

I can understand that going out for lunch is expensive, but am I being unreasonable to think if you can't afford to buy lunch for your kids as well as yourself, maybe you should come after lunch and just have a coffee?

OP posts:
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 07/03/2012 13:53

Who's to say the children didn't try a few things off the parents plate and now they know they will eAt it they may go again at some point and all order something. Plus some families just dont like making a huge deal out if it if they have fussy kids, asking waitresses/ wAiters to split this between two plates and can we have X in a separate bowl as one kid won't eat any of it if it's on same plate as X. Surely a packed lunch is more preferable to tantrums as order got stuffed up or kids are hyped up on ice creAm as that's all that was on the menu that they would eat. :)

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 07/03/2012 13:53

Ds (5) is pretty fussy. We usually buy either chips (flame me now, i care not) or plain toast plus an apple juice or milkshake, maybe some fruit or yoghurt if available. He gets something to keep him going, we have our full lunch, he can have snacks from my bag an hour later if peckish, the cafe gets our business.

When he was younger ie 2/3, I would often take his own food (he didn't eat sandwiches, more like breadsticks, oatcakes etc) and I was never ever told he couldn't eat the stuff I had brought, even in cafes with the same signs up. One cafe lady owner said to me that it was so nice to see a little one sitting up and eating nicely, enjoying his food. Another one said she didn't care at all, she had 4 kids and knew what it was like, she also said it was better than having them tearing around under her feet while she tried to carry coffees over!

OP I think yabu, a bit. I so wouldn't be bothered as long as the adults were buying something.

Kaekae · 07/03/2012 13:55

I think it is quite unfair and mean to the children too. I wouldn't do it, if I was on a very tight budget then I might consider buying something to share with them perhaps?

imnotmymum · 07/03/2012 13:56

I am sorry but wheresmycaffeine are kids really that fussy -separate plates etc how on earth do their parents allow that to happen [sorry not being judgy but HOW does that happen ??]

SofiaAmes · 07/03/2012 13:57

The children's meals in many places (including fancy places where food is made from scratch for the adults) are often pre-packaged frozen foods with unhealthy ingredients. In addition, it's really quite sad how dismissive people are of "the allergy issue." It would behoove you to get a little more informed about how serious and taxing on a family food allergies can be and a little more tolerance and understanding for other people's hardships and way of doing things would be nice.

babybarrister · 07/03/2012 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kveta · 07/03/2012 13:59

imnotmymum I don't think it's always parents 'allowing' it to happen - toddlers are just generally a rule unto themselves. my 2.5 yo can sometimes inhale everything that is put in front of him quite happily, and other times won't touch anything and just cries until a crisp is produced for him. If he is still like this in 2 years time, it won't be allowed, but he isn't yet rational enough to reason with. it's just about getting through the day without yet another fucking tantrum at the moment...

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 07/03/2012 14:01

It does happen maybe a kid choked on a bit of cucumber when they were younger and it freaks them out still to have it on their plate or maybe a kid is really sensitive to the texture of baked beans and won't touch them or anything that's been near them and forcing kids to eat stuff can make the problem worse so many parents just let them eat what they eat and not make a big deal out if it and just make sure that these things r available to try when they feel ready to try etc :)

MidnightWorry · 07/03/2012 14:02

I disagree.

If they went with lunches and didnt buy a thing then that would be wrong.

They still paid for food and drinks so in my opinion there is no harm done.

What happened if everyone did this? The cafe would be selling meals to adults still

imnotmymum · 07/03/2012 14:05

OK I guess I get it from that point of view caffeine but sorry Kveta if the child knows that crying will produce a crisp then I think he is ready to rationalise

jellybeans · 07/03/2012 14:07

They could have coeliac disease? Eating out is a nightmare (I have it). I don't see a problem as long as parents are buying their drinks and food.

Idocrazythings · 07/03/2012 14:07

Of course choceyes children deserve treats too, and mine never go without- believe me; (they will always get the last of whatever is left in the house if they wanted it over myself). I meant it in reference to posters saying they see adults tucking into a lovely meal and the kids just having a sandwich. I'm sorry I can't articulate it any better but I just don't see the problem. It's like if you have a glass of wine, well do the kids automatically get a lemonade or do they have water? It's an adult perk; like at Christmas the children get the majority of the presents? child perk! Hope that makes sense (it does to me).

Would like to add I do not routinely take a packed lunch for them, I do buy them meals off the menu too, it's those odd occasions that are unplanned or if you know you are going somewhere that they won't eat anything there. And definitely would not take food if we are going out for dinner, (except maybe a yoghurt for the baby), not that we really go out for dinner anyway.

altinkum · 07/03/2012 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Idocrazythings · 07/03/2012 14:10

Oh, and I'd be nothing but thrilled if my children would eat or at least try the meal I had ordered; but they won't and I'm not about to start making them in a cafe :-)

Kveta · 07/03/2012 14:11

imnot you'd think so, wouldn't you?! :o little sod that he is. It's not so much that he cries for the crisp, more that sometimes the production of a crisp will halt the crying. And sometimes it won't. Anyway, I still maintain that until child is nearer 3, reason is somewhat lost on them...

CharminglyOdd · 07/03/2012 14:16

YANBU. It was a garden centre, not Burger King or somewhere where the menu is restricted/they are unlikely to have a range of things in the fridge. I've worked in several cafes and never had a problem (nor has my boss) with making something off-menu for fussy eaters or special food requirements. We had one toddler at the last place I worked who just wanted bread and cucumber with a watered-down juice. It was actually easier than doing a meal off the menu as everything was cooked from scratch Grin

Pancakeflipper · 07/03/2012 14:24

I have a toddler with a dairy intolerance.

If I know the cafe and can find something he can eat then he eats it. If the cafe cannot tell me what is going to be ok (and it is amazing how many cannot tell you ) then out comes my box of food for him.

We tend to stick the places we know who either know what is in their food or don't mind him eating food from home.

I will ask the cafe if it is ok and never yet been told no. Going to a restaurant for a meal is the worst when it comes to dessert time. Thankfully we have discovered a lovely Italian place that has a sorbet he can have and make him a fruit salad into a smiley face - so the banana stays in the bag.

vess · 07/03/2012 14:56

If the cafe has a problem with it, they can tell them so. Why is this any of your business?

alemci · 07/03/2012 15:00

I think it is unacceptable unless you are feeding a baby or toddler but not on with older children. It is just cheapskate.

RachelHRD · 07/03/2012 15:27

I will generally buy a sandwich for the DC's but have some supplementary items with me that you couldn't get there - Organix crisps, some grapes etc and they both only drink water anyway.

Was in Starbucks a while back and some late teenage girls came in - one had a SB coffee and the rest sat there and ate their Subway rolls and drinks!!! The staff had a word and one of them said 'our friend is buying a coffee' - taking the michael somewhat!!

MuddlingMackem · 07/03/2012 16:39

Beamur Wed 07-Mar-12 13:42:53

I was in Eureka in Halifax at half term - they have lots of areas for picnics, including covered and indoor areas, but two women plus their kids hogged a large table in the incredibly busy cafe area and proceeded to eat their packed lunch.

VickityBoo · 07/03/2012 16:44

Haven't read entire thread, but could it be that the child has a special dietary requirement? Also, if I'd just collected dd from playgroup and she hadn't eaten all her lunch I'd probably give her the remains of that.

Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2012 16:53

I still don't get it. There were signs up saying that only food bought in the cafe could be eaten there. Seems pretty black and white to me.

Likeaninjanow · 07/03/2012 17:29

Another one with a child who has life threatening allergies here. I did recently take my DC out for lunch and spent a good 20 minutes going through the food options and explaining his allergies, questioning them on cross contamination etc. I felt confident they understood, he ate the food, he had a severe allergic reaction Sad.

Experiences such as this mean I'm less likely to risk it when eating out again. And it really is putting my child (4 years old) at risk. Why should the whole family miss out on eating out? I always speak to the manager and clear it with them first. They have always been very accommodating and are usually relieved they don't have to cater for him.

I feel very sad that my son cannot enjoy a meal out without anxiety. I feel very sad that other people will be judging me from afar.

YABU.

KalSkirata · 07/03/2012 17:34

The day I find a cafe which supplies tube feeds is the day I buy them. Until then dd will be tube fed with what I bring in while I eat my cake and drink my coffee.
As it is the gawpers gawp. Never seen a tube feed before?