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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you take your kids to the cafe, you shouldn't bring a packed lunch for them?

286 replies

AndiMac · 07/03/2012 13:02

I'm at the garden centre and there's a soft play area attached to the cafe bit. A mum with two kids about 4 is here with her friend. They have ordered lunch, but the kids are having food the mum brought from home. Not just a couple of breadsticks, but sandwiches, sides and a drink. The cafe has food for kids, so that isn't an excuse.

I can understand that going out for lunch is expensive, but am I being unreasonable to think if you can't afford to buy lunch for your kids as well as yourself, maybe you should come after lunch and just have a coffee?

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 07/03/2012 20:17

Did the cafe owner complain? If no then YABU. There Could be reasons why she did it, allergies, fussiness etc.

As for the 'taking up the space of a paying customer' argument, I don't buy it....unless the cafe was packed and heaving etc. If it wasn't too busy I don't see the problem and if it was my cafe I'd rather have two people than none.

FreudianSlipper · 07/03/2012 20:18

i have seen this a few times in a little cafe that i go to. it is a very popular cafe with families all organic, vegetarian

the owners do not seem to mind some people are really struggling for money and spending cash on meals that will not be eaten is a waste. ds until recently just had some of my lunch (with a bowl of chips)

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 07/03/2012 20:32

If the cafe had an issue with it, they would have said so. I think, especially in this climate, most eating places are happy to have people in there. 2 adults eating and giving their children a 'packed lunch' is preferable to no one eating. I don't see why the OP was irked by it, it doesn't affect her in the slightest.

Fitting things in around 'sleeps' and drop-offs/pick ups is hard enough without not being there at lunchtime too (to those saying 'why go at lunchtime').

alemci · 07/03/2012 21:11

I think I would be annoyed about this situation if I had bought food and as one poster said about Eureka there were people eating their own lunches in the cafe seating area particularly if there was not enough seating for paying customers.

I just know I would not feel comfortable bringing my own stuff etc. we never ate out much when our kids were small except Costco or on holiday.

babybarrister · 08/03/2012 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hazeyjane · 08/03/2012 21:44

I do this at our local leisure centre, there is a sign up stating only food purchased in cafe can be eaten there, but I have previously asked the woman in charge and she is fine with it. I always buy stuff for myself, but bring in a lunch for ds, as he has to have fairly pureed food still.

differentnameforthis · 08/03/2012 23:21

Perhaps she wasn't planning on using the cafe to sit in & eat? She may have had food for the kids, planned to get herself a sandwich & eat outside? You said it was raining, so perhaps she was forced inside to eat?

Still, not your problem. If the cafe has an issue, they can deal with it.

We went to Seaworld & Movieworld in QLD last year & in 2010. In 2010 we didn't take food to either place, because you are not allowed to, unless you have allergies. They do actually check your bags & make you take it to the car of they believe you have your own picnic (snacks aside). It cost us $50 for 4 meals. They were huge (kids meals at either place were the same size as adult meals). And they were burgers, chicken nuggets or fish sticks. The girls ate about 2 nuggets each & 3 chips (due to heat/being tired etc). They didn't drink the drink (cheaper to get with meals, other wise food costs more) which was fizzy (all they had on offer in conjunction with meals) which were easily in a litre cup! I could have wept at the waste.

In 2011 we took a sandwich each & 2 bottles of water. We out it in dd2s rucksake & no one questioned ut.

differentnameforthis · 08/03/2012 23:22

*us.

GeorgiaMay · 09/03/2012 02:19

differentname in that case I would have ordered one meal between the two of them, if I knew my dcs had small appetites.

Also if I buy my dcs food in a cafe, they know they had bloody well better eat it!

my2centsis · 09/03/2012 02:50

YABU
maybe the kids don't like anything on the menu?
Maybe they have allergies?
Maybe it's NOYB?
Maybe you need to focus on what your eating instead of what they are?
Maybe you need to take off ya judgy-pants?

goingmadinthecountry · 09/03/2012 07:18

I saw this happen in Science Museum - woman with 3 kids about 8/10ish. What really annoyed me was not them eating their own food (everyone's on a budget) but the absolute mess they left from their own fruit peelings, crumbs and packaging all over the table.

FrankiDon182 · 09/03/2012 07:30

This has annoyed me!
I'd love to be able to order food & drink off the menu for my nearly two year old but, cant due to his allergies. I dont think me or my son should be treated as second class citizens if i whip out a pre-made snack for him.

It is ignorant and a shame that people care what others are eating. Iam oblivious to what other people around me have ordered because i'm busy with my own family trying to enjoy a nice meal out.
Get a life.

TheCountessOlenska · 09/03/2012 07:45

This is clearly rude.

I dislike the attitude that cafe's should be grateful for you deigning to sit there having bought one coffee whilst you provide full packed lunch for your children.

What indeed is wrong with a jacket potato?

People in this country have no idea how to behave in public in a civilised manner!

hazeyjane · 09/03/2012 07:50

Well my ds wouldn't be able to eat a jacket potato, and when I do this I ask the cafe if it is ok, and they always say yes, and I clean up our mess afterwards, A pretty civilised way to behave, I think.

The op said that the women who she saw bought lunch, not just a coffee, and as she has no idea why their children had their own food, or whether the cafe had said it was ok, then it really is no-one elses business.

imnotmymum · 09/03/2012 08:19

It does seem there are a lot of kids with allergies ?? Are they allergies or intolerances

hazeyjane · 09/03/2012 09:04

who are you asking, i'mnotmymum?(like your name by the way!)

The thing is who knows if there was a reason why the kids in the op couldn't eat the food served in the cafe, which is why it is probably best not to judge people when you don't know their circumstances.

alemci · 09/03/2012 09:07

different it used to do my head in when in Disneyland having to pay for 5 of us to eat. The portions were very stingey and it was so expensive. No one seemed to picnic and I was never sure if you were allowed to bring food in.

It was hot ahd we already had snacks, water, suncream etc to carry and I wasn't sure if the food would go off. Also in florida I never saw ready made sandwiches in the supermarkets whereas in Arizona this year I did.

In the science museum isn't there an eating area downstairs? some people have no idea Going Mad and she should have cleared up properly if she was going to have the audacity to do this.

imnotmymum · 09/03/2012 09:17

Not really asking anyone but have noticed how many kids have "allergies" please I am not dissing allergies and know they are difficult to live with but all the posters who have said "my child has allergies" Do they?? To everything on a menu?? or an intolerence ??

treadwarily · 09/03/2012 09:27

I can't see how it is your business.

Maybe worry about what's on your own plate rather than the other guests? That way you might be able to enjoy yourself as clearly they seem to be able to do.

hazeyjane · 09/03/2012 09:29

Most of the posters on this thread who have said their child has allergies, seem to have allergies that have very serious consequences, so I would guess that although they aren't allergic to everything on the menu, the risk of contamination by the food to which they are allergic, would be high enough that it is best to avoid eating anything but the food they bring. There may also have been posters whose children have an intolerance that would cause their asthma/eczema to flare up, or for them to have stomach problems - not as serious as anaphylactic shock, but still not worth giving them food which may aggravate an unpleasant condition. (By the way, none of my dcs have allergies, so apologies if you have a dc that does, and I am talking out of my arse!)

The thing is, all this is moot, because without knowing the ins and outs of peoples business, it's probably best to live and let live.

imnotmymum · 09/03/2012 09:31

not my business just an enquiry that all was just thinking are more childre getting allergies now that's all and wondering why ! innocent question calm down treadwarily.

redridingwolf · 09/03/2012 09:31

I'm going to be doing this soon. DS1 has just been diagnosed coeliac. It's not an allergy, but it is a massive issue with ordering food - we have only been to one cafe, which I know does gluten-free food. It's not just a question of food that is gluten-free, it's being sure that it has not been contaminated in storage and preparation. A major major issue.

So, I expect you will see us in cafes, with a packed lunch for DS1. And judge away as much as you like. In fact, come and judge to my face. I would quite like to vent a bit of steam, it is a stressful business.

You really can't tell by looking at people what their situation is.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/03/2012 09:32

I'm sure the kids are not allergic to everything on the menu but rather than worry about cross contamination or the production methods of the ingredients the cafe/ restaurant uses it is far easier just to bring something . No one wants to make a big deal about it harassing staff over ingredients of things preparation techniques and the like . If the rest r eating food then what's it matter if someone brings something in for the child :)

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 09/03/2012 09:32

HJ - exactly

redridingwolf · 09/03/2012 09:33

Oh, and more children are not coeliac now than in the past. But more are diagnosed (though still nowhere near enough, many are undiagnosed and suffering dangerous health problems as a result.)