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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you take your kids to the cafe, you shouldn't bring a packed lunch for them?

286 replies

AndiMac · 07/03/2012 13:02

I'm at the garden centre and there's a soft play area attached to the cafe bit. A mum with two kids about 4 is here with her friend. They have ordered lunch, but the kids are having food the mum brought from home. Not just a couple of breadsticks, but sandwiches, sides and a drink. The cafe has food for kids, so that isn't an excuse.

I can understand that going out for lunch is expensive, but am I being unreasonable to think if you can't afford to buy lunch for your kids as well as yourself, maybe you should come after lunch and just have a coffee?

OP posts:
rathlin · 07/03/2012 13:21

YABU - the kids are 4 not 14. My nearly 3-yr old turns his nose up at most food so I don't waste money buying him a meal (have learned from bitter experience). If it's a cafe attached to a garden centre, I'm thinking it's probably not top of the range healthy food as a lot of these places are more geared towards cake and a cup of tea plus burgers/chips/baked potato. I normally bring a sandwich for my DS while the adults pay for the meals themselves. I've never given it a second thought and would think that cafes themselves would understand how fussy some children can be.

TheSkiingGardener · 07/03/2012 13:25

I just think its rude unless your DC have allergies. And then you should check with the cafe owner and get them a drink or something (the kids, not the cafe owner)

I was in an M&S cafe the other day. The parents took one table with M&S food, the kids took another 2 tables with mcDonalds food. Now THAT is very cheeky.

thisisyesterday · 07/03/2012 13:25

brownboobbear, i've already stated that my 2 youngest cannot have dairy or egg, and we are also vegetarian.

so yes, yes I do

imnotmymum · 07/03/2012 13:29

About the point of garden centres not having top notch food I find that garden centres often have great homemade foods and soups and just a thought if the child is fussy how will it learn not to be if always pander to them

Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2012 13:30

I worked in a bank many years ago. Next door but one to a chip shop. One lunchtime a family of 4 came in and sat at the table in the banking hall and ate their chips. No banking done at all. That was v cheeky. Angry

If there is a sign up in the cafe saying only food bought there to be consumed there then it is not on to take your own Andi.

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2012 13:33

It wouldn't occur to me that this was my business Confused or to think that others might if I did it.

I take food for my dc because they simply won't eat a lot of food out and if it's a choice between screamy, tantrummy, hungry kids and taking some snacks I know what I choose.

BrownBoobBear · 07/03/2012 13:33

theskiinggardener - that is very rude! I wouldn't ever do that. I would also always buy a drink for DD too. She doesn't take a seat that would in effect be used by anyone else either as there are 5 of us so she normally ends up on my knee!

thisisyesterday - sorry didn't see that, but still don't get your point about ringing beforehand - it's not always possible. Sometimes you just want to pop in somewhere. I have something to eat for DD every time I leave the house 'just in case'. She is anaphylactic to nuts, sesame seeds, egg, all legumes and can't eat dairy. I sincerely find that nowhere can cater for us and noone has yet said they mind her having her own food.

The last time we ordered her a meal and gave them all her allergies, they confirmed that it was cooked separately, she had a severe reaction to the food. We need to be very careful. Why should my other children miss out on a nice meal out?

choceyes · 07/03/2012 13:33

If my kids are fussy and turn their noses up at the meals we have ordered (and they are fussy - but we usually order things we know they will eat some of it of) then we just accept that they won't be eating much at that meal time. Not bring out our own packed sandwiches (although sarndwiches would be the last thing my DCs would eat!)! Later when we are out and about, we will offer them snacks that we've packed if they are hungry.

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2012 13:34

To be clear I agree that something needs to be bought in the cafe by a member of the party though.

Idocrazythings · 07/03/2012 13:35

Yabu. Id write a comment but I think what where's my caffeine just wrote is just what I was thinking. I have 3 children 6 and under and to buy food that they just don't eat is a waste of my money and insulting to the cafe. I always would buy them something though and a full meal/drinks for myself.

And sorry, what is wrong with adults getting a "special meal" and kids not. Isn't that one of the (few) perks of being an adult?? Oh and just because my children don't want the food does that mean I am not ever allowed to go our to a cafe until they will? Or do I just load them up on sweet things or chips off the menu and then let them run around on a sugar high, smug in the knowledge I have paid for their food???

That said I do try to especially encourage my 6 year old to try something new of the menu, she is maturing and her palate is now more accepting. I'm sure these cafes know that by allowing people to feed their children home bought sandwiches it means they will keep coming back which IS good for business; and eventually they will have 5 full paying loyal customers.

trixie123 · 07/03/2012 13:35

rathlinwhat's wrong with a jacket potato? Its veggie, healthy and reasonably liked by most kids.

midori1999 · 07/03/2012 13:36

I wouldn't do it, but it's nothing to do with me, if the people who run the cafe care then they can say something. In the current financial climate they may appreciate two paying customers more than an empty table.

TroublesomeEx · 07/03/2012 13:39

Weellllllll, they might not have planned to eat out, taken packed lunches for the children and then though, "what the hell, lets take a walk on the wild side and eat lunch in the soft play garden centre cafe".

If so, then perfectly reasonable to feed the children the packed lunch rather than waste food and money.

As long as someone in the party is consuming food from the cafe then I don't think it's a problem. Besides, it's a garden centre and soft play area first and foremost. Cafe food isn't their sole/main source of income.

Not only that, but IME, the food offered at these places isn't as good as the food I make at home and that's good enough for me! but then I avoid soft play areas like the plague.

babybarrister · 07/03/2012 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beamur · 07/03/2012 13:42

YANBU - but I can see the point that the cafe are still getting some business from it, so maybe not such a big deal unless other customers aren't able to find seats.
I was in Eureka in Halifax at half term - they have lots of areas for picnics, including covered and indoor areas, but two women plus their kids hogged a large table in the incredibly busy cafe area and proceeded to eat their packed lunch. I was hoping a member of staff would notice and boot them out.
I think it is very rude (unless in the case of special diets etc) to eat your own food in cafes, my DD is quite particular about what she will eat, but there is usually something, even if it a cake, that will keep her happy.

startail · 07/03/2012 13:45

I wish I could adhere with you, but there are times I've been sorely tempted to bring something for fuss pot DD2 so the rest of us can eat anywhere we like!

Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2012 13:45

But there is a sign up saying only food bought in the cafe can be consumed there so that is their rule. Or do the rules only apply to some and not others?

mintyneb · 07/03/2012 13:45

as always its annoying to see people making reference to allergies with raised eyebrows.

I have taken a packed lunch for my 4yo DD to a cafe or garden centre before (if for whatever reason we have to eat out and can't eat at home - and yes those occasions do happen!) because she has a severe allergy to dairy and will likely be rushed off in an ambulance should she accidentally eat anything with it in.

charlottebrontesaurus, I wish that places that cooked from scratch could so easily knock up something that DD could eat but the two examples you gave - homemade bread and icecream are precisely the types of food that DD can't eat. You may not be aware that a lot of bread actually contains milk (it helps the yeast stay 'live' apparently) and ice cream is an obvious no no.

choceyes · 07/03/2012 13:45

what is wrong with adults getting a "special meal" and kids not. Isn't that one of the (few) perks of being an adult??

Eating a nice freshly cooked meal is a "perk" of being an adult?? Don't kids deserve this too?? Struggling to understand your viewpoint!

BrownBoobBear · 07/03/2012 13:47

Ah Babybarrister - you have helped me out on the allergies boards (I've name changed). You say what I wanted to say, but better Smile

shefliesthrutheair · 07/03/2012 13:47

YAB very U.

If you had children with multiple allergies you'd understand the constant difficulty and, tbh, drudgery of trying to find meals that they can eat out. I long to buy, or even cook at home, my dc the same food as me, as the other mums I'm having lunch with do, but dcs usually end up eating hummus sandwiches and fruit every time we go out (even sandwiches made to order aren't ok). I don't want my dc to feel special, or on the other hand to miss out on social occasions.

And I didn't realise, even though I'm eating the cafe's food, that other people might be eyeing up what I'm feeding my children... So, allergies or not, just give them the benefit of the doubt and get on with your own lunch.

Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2012 13:48

When the cafe has closed down next time you go you will know why. Wink

imnotmymum · 07/03/2012 13:49

Agree choceyes surely going out is a treat for all kids love ordering stuff of the menu -in fact mine would not let me get away with it !! I would sooner buy them something and have a coffee if I could not afford both

Kveta · 07/03/2012 13:49

although I think YANBU, we went to a restaurant in London recently with 2yo DS, and I had some snacks in my bag for him, just in case, as well as a drink to give him if we were running late (it was for an evening meal). I asked the waitress for the kid's menu and she said 'don't bother if he's got his own food, he can just eat that, and pick off your plates' so I asked what drinks they had for kids and she asked if we had anything for him, as they only had water or concentrated fruit juices. So in that case, we were actually encouraged to give him food we'd brought ourselves. (I ordered him some bread anyway to assuage my guilt, and we left a good tip!).

So in most cases I would say you shouldn't provide food for your kids if you are in a cafe/restaurant, but if you ask the waiter/waitress and they are ok with it, I wouldn't see an issue at al.

choceyes · 07/03/2012 13:51

I think as a general rule, it is acceptable to bring some supplementary food for an under 2. DD is 18 months and I always have some chopped avocado (weird child) with me as she can be quite fussy, and refuse whats on offer and then try to climb out of the highchair, so I throw a few bits of avocado at her and she is quite long enough for me to gobble up my meal very very quickly.