To be in awe of private school's...

[whydontwehaveasharpknife]

I am a nanny, the other day I accompanied the girl that I nanny for in rural Northamptonshire to the schools open day, it was AMAZING- the grounds were like a national trust property, the uniforms all hand made by a famous London fashion designer, there was a lake, climbing wall, beautiful dining room, tree climbing, den building, the children who already attend the school were incredibly polite and sat in the library reading broad-sheet news papers.

I grew up on a council estate with a peado living round the corner that used to terrify me when I walked the dog, my mother is mentally ill and I've never lived with her, in my early teens my step mother left to become a heroin addict.

Needless to say, I have had to fight pretty hard for my A levels/sanity/ health and have applied to university this year but I must admit I couldn't help but feel 'lower than these people, the staff, the parents and even the children they were all so refined and I felt they could see that I am not of the same breed.

It is just luck though isn't it, why do some people who are born into fortunate circumstances get all the opportunities at success whilst others have to work really hard into their late twenties just to get the success these children achieve when they are 18.

You are amazing to have overcome all those things though

All that glitters is not gold. Those places churn out a lot of eating disorders and damaged kids. Speak from experience. Moved to the local comp - much better.

I know that feeling. I did some work at a school like that once. I went to a crap comp.

It's a different world and it drove me even further to the left politically.

My DSs go to private school. Yes it has the climbing walls and all the other stuff but there are plenty of children who have very significant personal problems there as well. Divorced parents, suicides, bankruptcy, prison sentences, health issues. There are plenty of children who come out of private school and never make anything of themselves.

Don't be in awe. You are not 'lower' than anyone. You have done very well to overcome a lot of adversity and you deserve to do well in your degree programme too.

Have to post and run, but if it makes you feel any better, my nephew had £250,000 spent on his education up to the age of 18, but his dyslexia wasn't spotted until he went to a former poly. DS's best friend spent two years at ultra posh prep school (18k a year), yet joined lovely local school Yr2 unable to read or write.

I think that private school gives pupils a confidence that state school doesn't. They are told (either by parents or school, I don't know which) that they are the masters of the universe, so they believe it. I'd like to have that confidence, but there's also an arrogance that goes with it. It's lovely for kids to have the experiences that private schools offer, but I'd rather that my kids were encouraged to be the best they can be, than to fit a template.

Many of today's most successful people came from nothing. Sometimes when you have to really work for something, you appreciate it more. Look at Alan Sugar!
Having everything handed to you on a plate, doesn't automatically mean you've got the get up and go to achieve things.

Hand made school uniforms? Really? I thought ds's uniform only being stocked in Harrods was posh (there is another unofficial supplier that everyone uses as the quality of the Harrods stuff is rubbish and ridiculously expensive).

I'm also gobsmacked at a pre-prep charging £18,000 pa. That's more than a lot of senior day schools charge.

Ds's doesn't have a climbing wall either.

"masters of the universe" - really?

I don't recognise anything of ds's school in the comments here other than the tree climbing. I did the same at my state school in the middle of a council estate.

Money really isn't everything and it does not make you immune to having mental health problems. I think you are probably viewing it (understandably) through rose coloured glasses.

IMHO the main thing you get in private schools is smaller class sizes. The teachers are not necessarily better than in state schools (imo you get good and bad in both). I've seen discussions on here where a mner who taught in private schools had been shocked at some of the things they saw like staff who weren't properly qualified and terrible snobbery.

My friend went to Oxford and knew students who went to schools like Eton and Charter House and she said that a lot of them had drug and alcohol addictions and were very unhappy.

Wealthy people don't have worries like paying the bills but that doesn't make them immune from the pain that life can dish out. It is certainly true that money can buy choices but it's not the key to happiness imo.

I'd add OP that you are equal to anyone you meet at that school or anywhere else for that matter. Good luck with your degree.

My parents who were both boarding schooled (tres posh with royals) used state for us cos they were broke and thank God they did. My parents were screwed up badly by their educational establishments. Mum recovered, Dad didn't and is still fucked up by it My siblings and I have gone on to have a social conscience and two of us do jobs which are not well paid, but make a massive difference! My other one is a Capitalist wanker, but hey, two outta three aint bad

And MollieO is so right. You sound great and have as much right to have the life you deserve as them. Stick in...

I've also heard people telling of boarding school experiences causing them to have mental health problems in later life.

Thanks for you comments- I know I shouldn't feel 'lower' and I'm aware that due to my 'questionable up-bringing(!)'- my moral conscience is perhaps more developed than someone who has faced no adversity, as is my wisdom and compassion, but I think it's that innate confidence these children seem to posses, which seems non-fluctuating which must help them in so many ways.

It's true that some people who are given an expensive education, go on to do nothing with it.

But the beautiful surroundings must, must,, have a positive affect on people.
There was a point when the head was making chit-chat with me and the girl I nanny for, I 'fronted it out', it's just weird to be somewhere and be patronised- whereas in day to day life, I engage well with many different people.

My cousin's school uniform was also stocked by Harrods and that was for a North London grammar. Judging by the price of uniforms there is maybe quite a bit of money to be made but would be surprised to hear that a uniform was handmade? Does that mean hand-sewn also? I'm not too far from Harrow School and I believe their uniforms cost around 2k.....but don't think they are handmade etc. I must pop into their uniform shop and investigate as you have made me curious:)

A good friend of mine went to one of the top London private girls' schools. Some of her classmates used to arrive in helicopters and they were told on a regular basis that they were the cream of the crop, better than everyone else. Thing is, the way she describes it, going there sounds like something out of a horror film - rampant bullying from both pupils and teachers with nothing done to stop it, open ridicule for children who are perceived to be from lesser or poorer backgrounds, massive pressure to do well with no help given to people with genuine learning problems, and just a general backstabbing, nasty culture. She has had a pretty ordinary life since then and now lives in a tiny village in Ireland.

Don't be fooled by outer appearances. Yes, those children have material wealth but remember a lot of them are put into boarding school from the age of 8 - they are basically willingly given up by their parents to a private form of social services. They have money and privilege but they don't have a normal family life. Even if they do go on to massive success they have missed out on life's basic pleasures - a family home with a loving mother, father and siblings, so in many ways they're no better off than you.

My other one is a Capitalist wanker, but hey, two outta three aint bad
fizzylaces

CailinDana wow coming to school in a Helicopter that really is something beyond my imagination!!
Yes I agree that it's important to have a normal family home to enjoy life's basic pleasures, I suppose I just was suddenly presented with the complete antithesis of my own childhood and thought it to be, 'the key to happiness'! Maybe not.

My dad says the only good thing about money is that it takes the sting out of being poor. Well done you on university application, I hope you've applied for the one I work at because I'd love a student like you in my class. all the best for the future.

In awe of private school's what OP?

children reading broadsheet newspapers? Where's the joy in that? Why can't kids just be bloody kids anymore?

mrsmcv thank you

Sorry,knee jerk from me.Off to Pedant's Corner now.Agree with posters who said that you sound great,overcoming your initial hard times.Mx.

Brains are what Uni is all about, not upbringing. And brains do not respect class or wealth.

But sadly yes, the easiest way to get rich is to be born into a rich family.

Life's not fair, and you're right, that's crap. It's crap you had to work so hard for things some will have handed to them on a platter designed by a famous London artist.

However, any economist who studies success will tell you that a huge amount of it is persistence and the ability to work hard, and you have loads of that. You will do really, really well.

These kids may, or may not, turn out as good as you.