to be pissed off my parents won't cancel their theatre trip & babysit?

[lechatnoir]

DH & I have been invited to best friend's wedding overseas. We can't afford/didn't want to take our DC so before accepting we spoke to both sets of parents to see if they could babysit DC for the 2 days & 1 night we'd be away. My parents said they had the theatre booked on the saturday night but if we were stuck could try & rearrange or cancel (they go at least once a month if not more & finance wouldn't be the issue) but DH's parents were happy to come & stay so we accepted the invite & booked our flights.

It's now 4 weeks until wedding & MIL called earlier to say she's been put on a waiting list for a minor op that if it went ahead before the wedding (quite possible) would prevent her coming as she can't drive for 6 weeks afterwards & there's no way they can get here any other way. So, I called my parents to explain but they're now saying they can't baby-sit as they're going out. I asked if they could reschedule but they said no. End of conversation. So, we might not be able to go to the wedding & if we do cancel, it could be very short notice so no chance of refunds not to mention very unhappy bride

So AIBU to be totally fucked off that my parents won't cancel some crappy theatre 'do' & help us out?

OP well done for coming back to this thread where you've been well and truly flamed. I think you've made the mistake, as I have in the past, of writing your OP when you felt very annoyed so your language has got some people's back up and they think it sounds as though you are entitled. I still completely think that YANBU and think that if your OP was worded a bit differently you may have had a slightly easier ride on here!

Did you say if you'd tried to reason with your parents due to the exceptional circs? I hope you get something sorted and that you and DH both get to go

lechatnoir, is there something special about the play/show they are going to see?

"this thread sorts the wheat from the future MILs from hell chaff"

and it sorts out the wheat from the spoilt, entitled chaff

I really don't understand all these YABU's. I agree with charitygirl. Why on earth can't they change their plans for once? This is not a regular occurrence. I would hate to think of my own children in a situation like this, having to lose money because I couldn't be bothered to help out.
YADNBU

same old story of "they've done their bit" and "your children are your responsibility". Oh come on, would you honestly sit back and see your own children be put in a difficult situation when you could quite reasonably help. I really do wonder at the lack of compassion on here sometimes. It's always "oh just suck it up" or whatever stonehearted phrase is currently popular. Just help each other out, is it really so hard?

I think this thread sorts out the adult women from the grown-up but very spoilt daddy's little princesses. Why, as I said before, should it be the GPs who change their plans, and not their adult children? Those who are YANBUing, this is not about bad grand-parenting, it's all about OP stamping her feet because mummy and daddy are not giving in to her. Sorry, but grow up.

toodles because some people just don't get how it's ok to ask other people to look after 2 young children for 3 days, not to mention changing their own plans. I personally don't understand how some parents think they can still act as if they are childless whenever they fancy it. It's not something I ever did and I still considered my Mum and my inlaws to be excellent Grandparents.

Yanbu at all! How bloody selfish of them!

To all those who said op is bu... The op asked them and they said they would rearrange If she needed them. It's the OP's best friend's wedding, the parents go to the theatre a lot. How on earth can you think they - her parents - are being reasonable?!

Mrsgradrind as far as I can see this thread sorts out those who look after number one and those who are still open to the concept of helping people just because they can. Good luck with sorting something out op.

runningwilde they offered to rearrange their plans 4 weeks before, not at any point.

Sounds like it's the OP who is looking after no. one here. She is very bothered that her plans have to change, and that her friend will be disappointed. She seems to have no regard for the older generation. GPs should change their plans; mil is having a "minor" op - not so minor if she can't even travel in a car for 6 weeks after!
When I become a GP I will want to be involved in my GC's lives; I will not tolerate the OP's level of entitlement from my grown- up children.

"How on earth can you think they - her parents - are being reasonable?!"

Because initially they would have cancelled/postponed their plans.

OP asked ILs instead.

OP now wants them to cancel "just in case".

"We just would have taken our children with us or not gone at all."

Same here.

It's a big event and her parents should understand that she would really appreciate some help just now

Aside from the emotive language, I am genuinely interested as to why other posters believe so strongly that the needs of the OP must come above those of her parents, and why GPs should be expected to cancel their plans in order to accommodate those of their adult daughter.

it's a big event it's someone elses wedding. It's not an emergency. Why do people think that weddings take precedence over everything else nowadays?

I would say: the GPs do the thing they are planning to do all the time. They would be missing an experience they get to have routinely. The wedding overseas is a one-off and has cost a lot of money that will be lost through cancellation. Pretty simple for me - in this instance the wedding has more weight. My parents would definitely do it and I am pretty that so many people think this is so unreasonable.

The more general needs of GPs, parents and grandkids are another issue entirely. Of course there should be thought, give and take on all sides then. But we're weighing up one particular instance and therefore the OP is YANBU.

Incidentally, I don't see why they actually have to cancel their tickets. They could hang on to them if everything's OK and then if they are needed (and agree to do it ) they could return them to the box office as late returns - the box office might be able to resell them even on the day. It happens.

Won't make plans, drop plans, rearrange plans, rearrange them again at the drop of a hat for your supposedly mature 30 year old child? Worst parent evarrr!11!1!One!1

I think that expecting someone to change their plans without knowing if they will actually be needed is unreasonable. Mil doesn't have a date. So if the parents cancelled they could end up at home twiddling their thumbs.

Surely, for one evening, you could get a babysitter, and your parents could help out for the rest of the time IF mil ends up getting the op before your trip.

I do find it odd to ask someone to cancel their plans just in case some other event happens.

can't remember who said it, but "Have you offered to pay for parents' tickets and promise them a night out at a show in London including a hotel overnight to make up for putting them out? Because that's probably what I'd do. And throw in dinner for good measure. "

I'm not so good at figures, but tickets to a london show - 70?, hotel - 70?, dinner for 2 in London restaurant - 50? and I think I'm being very conservative, so about 200 quid. At least. OP has already said she's skint and doing this on a shoestring.

OP, I understand your frustrations, but from your last post it sounds like you're looking for problems and making this worse.

Obviously, the first thing is there's also the good chance the original plans will hold, so no problem. I understand the need for back up plan.

The idea of your parents having the kids for the w/e and getting a babysitter is a good one. They may not be willing to cancel the theatre, but surely as a compromise not do the leasurely dinner before hand, so no need for the babysitter arriving at 4pm. That's an assumption on your part. Have you actually asked them if they would consider having the kids, and getting a babysitter so they don't need to cancel their trip?

Maybe they are being more difficult as they realise you expect them to drop everything and are annoyed at your assumption? (Just a hypothesis). If you approached them with ideas that clearly demonstrate your appreciation and gratitude they may be more forthcoming.

No reason you can't organise a baby sitter, even if if you don't personally know them, or maybe your parents, from their circle of friends know someone.

If I were in this position I see the options as

1. pray the in laws can do it and stick to original plan.
2. ask parents to have the kids for the weekend and pay for a babysitter for that night.
3. Ask friends locally if they will do it (in exchange for taking their kids for a couple of days in return).
4. if they won't, only 1 of you goes to the wedding.
5. If you don't want to go alone, neither of you go and just accept things don't work out sometimes.

Is it selfish of the gps not to want to babysit overnight for two young children when the op admits it leaves them absolutely knackered? I don't think so.

I suppose it depends what you are used to, but we have never had any family who could babysit overnight, so we would either have taken our dcs, or one of us would have gone or neither of us. It's just one of those things when you have children that you have to miss out on social events sometimes.

I don't know why the gps should be expected to change their plans, if they were willing to, then it would be very generous of them, but it should never be expected.

"I think that expecting someone to change their plans without knowing if they will actually be needed is unreasonable."

Yes, that´s the crux of it, isn´t it-they might not be needed?

Like you say looks like dh is staying home! Oh dear but it will be fun I'm sure.

I just wanted to ask , are you lcn from handbag of yonder year?

YABU and selfish they may not be needed and you expect them to drop their plans now? They've brought their kids up. My best friend gets all huffy when her mum wont look after her dd at the drop of a hat and i think she is unreasonable too. Sorry

op.

I think it sounds like your parents want to do what suits them

have they bent over backward for you in the past and now you think thats normal?

being pissed off at them doesn't help your case IMO