DD 'breastfeeding'

[BlueFergie]

Ok DD is 5 and DS1 is 3. They are great pals and play really well together. They play lots of role play games including mummy and daddys were they are the parents to a baby doll. Recently it has become mummy and baby with DD as mummy and DS1 as her baby. As part of this game DD will lift her top and pretend to breast feed DS he will put his mouth on her nipple and pretend to feed.
I know its not a huge deal and it's perfectly innocent of course. I am breast feeding DS2 so to them it is just how babies are fed, and they both always did it playing with dolls. But I don't know if its appropriate
DH thinks it isn't and needs to be stopped. What do you guys think. Should I say something and if so what.

Some very strange views on this thread!

I wouldn't worry, OP. My two get up to far worse...

I find it sad that people would feel the need to establish "personal boundaries" between siblings regarding their flat asexual chests.

All this talk of boundaries and inappropriateness is a cover for a knee-jerk reaction of squeamishness to something that is utterly harmless.

So should I be telling my 2 yo and 4 yo that they are not to touch each other on the chest?

That will be quite difficult to enforce.

Honestly.

I did this as a child & rather wish I hadn't, as I feel a bit uncomfortable about it as an adult. I don't feel like this about breastfeeding my toys though.

OP I do think it might be 'the right thing' to steer them away from this game. I personally dont think there is anything ick about it, but other people may not be so liberal and at their young age it is not their job to stand up for your beliefs and potentially put themselves in a situation where an adult may remark about it and make them feel uncomfortable. As their parent its your job to protect them from this if you can.

At the moment it is an innocent game, but if someone were to say "ewwww stop doing that its wrong" in front of them it takes away the innocence of it from them, and may make them feel disgusting about their bodies (essentially, the very same effect you are trying to prevent by letting the game continue) which would be a shame.

I do get that it is other peoples issue, but peoples perception is not going to change any time soon. Its going to take a lot longer for breasts to be seen as a source of food first and there are people who see breasts as only sexual things (which is fine btw, its how they feel). People have strong opinions and IMO its not fair for your DCs to bear the brunt of some sort of point proving exercise.

Your DCs already see breasts for what they are so they are already more enlightened than alot of others, and it would be such a shame for them to be made to feel disgusting and undo all what they have learned.

yes sardine i too am confused by the comments regarding 'innappropriate' and the need for 'boundaries' they are 3 and 5, there is NOTHING sexual or innappropriate, its simply too children imitating their mother, its one of those things that children do and as for when they would be 'too old' to carry on doing it, i suspect that they will have grown out of it long before i 'may' become an issue.

bluefergie i echo others, your children sound delightful, they are playing, its sweet and i wouldnt worry about it, IF you do feel that youare worried of a reaction you could do what one poster suggested earlier (forget the name) but it was about saying something like 'does baby need a burp now' etc and so simply moving the game on to the next stage of the feeding process! very simple, you are engaging in their game and it will distract without any need for explanation.

but they will grow out of it, my ds1 used to 'feed' his toy teddies and dolls etc, he is now 12 and i cant begin to remember the last time he did that, he laughs when we talk about things he did as a baby/toddler and as he had 4 younger siblings he knows its all normal, he also has a healthy attitude towards his body etc and knows that breasts are to FEED babies, so when we have been out and about and seen people bfeeding he doesnt bat an eyelid, to him its just NORMAL,this is what we want our children to grow up knowing :)

btw i have a magnet on my fridge that says 'doing the housework whilst children are growing, is like shovelling the snow whilst its still snowing' ;) enjoy your little ones xxx

That is fine, normal childhood behaviour. It is role playing, how is it different if dd were to pretend to give her brother a bottle . The kids see you breastfeeding and its natural to want to copy.

There is nothing sexual and inappropriate about breastfeeding, baby is getting food from their mother, what breasts were designed for.

I don't think it's sexual, just I wouldn't be comfortable personally. I wouldn't be comfortable if one of my little ones was pretending to give birth to a doll whilst the other helped if she was naked either!
Maybe that's my issue! But this doesn't mean I have problems with breastfeeding or nudity, we all have different family boundaries.

I think that you teach them that genitals and bottoms are off limits for games and showing to "outsiders" and if anyone asks them blah etc

But flat asexual small child chests? Hadn't crossed my mind that I needed to direct them away from touching each others chests or taking their tops off in public or whatever. And I'm not going to thanks

rachelwalsh because how are they going to learn about privacy or not to let anyone and everyone just see their bodies if the parents never teach them and are still chucking them all in the bath together at those ages? i have seen on mn a lot of people have different attitudes about this but imo its better for their self respect and dignity to teach them that their bodies are private. won't they be cringing about that when they are older once they grow up and realise they used to go naked infront of people at those ages?? children are vulnerable in society anyway so why make them more vulnerable by teaching them to be naked. i never understand why on mumsnet so many parents see naked children as a positive thing. are we not supposed to protect our kids, that includes keeping them clothed and teaching them not to go infront of others naked, and that other people are not allowed to touch their bodies. it's better if its a clear message not just a wishy washy one about your bodies are private but oh its okay to be naked in front of brother, its okay to jump in bath with mum or dad etc.
its common for people to be abused by family members too & you just never know. imagine the child wants to tell their mum about something thats happened but they will be like 'oh its only your brother, nothing to worry about', because of teaching its ok to be naked among family members.
i actually do let my 3 & 2 yr old in the bath together but i will probably stop that next yr when the older one starts reception. i have never & will never let them in the bath/shower with me. and the other one i never understand on here is why people feel they have to take their dcs to the toilet when they go - thats private too, i dont see the need for it.
I am not saying op's children's game is abusive before anyone flames me!!!!!!!!

I went in the bath with my brother until I decided not to any more. So until I was 8 or 9 and he was 6 or 7.

I don't cringe at all and neither does he. Bathtimes are fun when you have someone to play with

Your post is a massive over-reaction firwala and I think you are in danger of teaching your children the message at the other end of the spectrum - that bodies are something to hide away and be ashamed of. There is a fine line with this stuff and you have gone way too far over it.

We also wander around without any clothes on here as well.

Shocker.

Children also understand that what happens with immediate family is different to other people.

For eg I might grab DD1 (4) and snuggle her tight upside-down and then bestow big kisses on her head before blowing big raspberries on her tummy. I can do this because I am her mother, if someone else did it she would know it was not right.

Just because a 5yo has a bath with her 3 yo brother does not mean that she will think it is normal to get into the bath with uncle bob or the milkman.

Children aren't stupid and they are perfectly able to understand the difference.

My eldest bathed together for years, I just would not be comfortable with them sucking on bits of each other! These issues are not all lumped together.

Sardine, Id agree if it was just taking their tops off, generally people dont have a problem with little ones running about with nowt on their chests. But we are talking about a child putting his lips on a girls nipple, yes to alot (me included) its sweet, play acting at bfing etc, but to some it will be uncomfortable viewing and they may not keep their opinions to themselves (sad but true) and it would be just awful if they made a massive deal out of it and made the children feel ashamed or disgusting and could undo all the positive notions they have about breasts / bfing. Dont get me wrong its totally the problem of the offended, but at this young age it is not their place to make a point about bfing.

As I said earlier it would be just awful, awful, if they did it infront of someone gobby who makes a massive show about it and makes them feel disgusting, which is just what the OP wants to avoid. I feel it is our job as parents to think ahead and try and protect them from feeling awkward about their bodies when they are so young. Nothing wrong with steering them towards bfing teddies / dolls / Power Rangers (apparantly Red Ranger loves feeding from DS (3) as thats what makes him "big and strong" ) , it still keeps it innocent and reinforces positive images about breasts and feeding from them, but protects them from any potential nasty remarks.

They are for some people pumpster.

"But we are talking about a child putting his lips on a girls nipple"

Oh come on. Girls nipples and boys nipples are the same at this age.

It is to do with associations with sex, isn't it. That is what this is all about. How bloody sad that is.

Gribble they can perfectly easily tell their children to keep the feeding game for home.

A child putting his lips on another childs nipple.

I really don't understand the squeamishness here. Well actually maybe I do and it's really bloody sad.

" it still keeps it innocent"

It IS innocent.

SQ - no sex associations for me, but there may be for other people I agree and their attitudes are not going to change any time soon unfortunately. If they are told to keep the feeding game for home, thats fine, but what if they do it infront of visitors who say something? Then its even worse, they are in their own home and being made to feel disgusting

TBH Whats sad to me is that some posts on here read as if the children should be used as some sort of point proving exercise to try and change the mindset of some who would be uncomfortable for whatever reason, at 3 and 5, using them to prove a point and even more

"" it still keeps it innocent"

It IS innocent."

I know, as that is what I have said

I wonder if the children were the same sex, 2 boys or 2 girls, whether people would be having the same problems. Because the sexual connotations would be a lot more removed. I think it's the boy/ girl thing which is getting people going. At this age, I don't think they really understand the difference other than a few different body parts.

You said that if they use dolls instead it keeps it innocent which I took to mean that carrying on as they are was not innocent.

Who has posted to say the children should be used to prove a point even if it means them getting shouted at or whatever.

I agree with LittleDucks in that we would have a no licking/ no mouths rule in play. I am aware that I am in a tiny minority here, but I generally think people should keep their mouths to themselves. We don't kiss the children on the face, only on the top of the head, and I don't remember ever being kissed on the face by my parents.

Having said that, it is between brother and sister so it is up to the parents. As long as it is within the family, and they are not putting their mouths on other people who don't want them to, I don't see the issue. Children learn very quickly that the levels of intimacy within the family are different to those outside the family.

The nudity and nipple elements are totally irrelevant. It wouldn't make any difference to me if a mouth was coming near an elbow, a hand or a nipple. All are equally preferable to a mouth near a face.

"Children learn very quickly that the levels of intimacy within the family are different to those outside the family. "

That is what I was trying to say but not nearly so well!