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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For punching the next person who calls me 'too posh to push' in the face

176 replies

beckyboow88 · 27/02/2012 16:43

Both my DCs were born my sections, first emergency, second elective. I've gone through all sorts of emotions about them from feeling that I'm not a real woman to where I am now that is actually quite happy my bits are intact still. But if one more person tells me I'm too posh to push I may just hurt them. AIBU?

OP posts:
beckyboow88 · 28/02/2012 14:15

This thread was supposed to be light hearted and literally something I used in my defence in court when I did hurt someone.

However...

How the fuck has it turned into arguing about lady bits? To put things straight, sorry if I offended anyone BUT all I can say is it wasn't intentional and I'm sure many women who have had damage down there have tried to make themselves feel better by telling themselves 'at least it didn't end up in a section' - that wouldn't offend me!!

OP posts:
thefurryone · 28/02/2012 14:21

YANBU the phrase 'To posh to push' is awful. However, I would like to point out that after a VB my bits are still very much intact as are many other womens, so YABVU to imply that only mothers who have had CS's have tidy vaginas.

PosiePumblechook · 28/02/2012 14:40

FFS noone really thinks that about ladies bits....

Porto....I always think of Riven too.

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 14:43

Just a thought and please do not hit me [Dons a crash helmet] natural birth is a trully amazing experience and I do know people that have gone for elective then changed mind and had natural and were pleased with decision...

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 14:44

oh and I had 4 natural births and my nether regions pereictly ok and I have a great sex life !!

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 14:44

perfectly not pereictly

crystalglasses · 28/02/2012 17:00

imnotmymum - Hurrah for you and your truly amazing experience. I planned a vaginal birth and ended up with a cs and am very please as
i had a beautiful undamaged and unsquashed baby as a result. For me, that was also a truly amazing experience and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

whomovedmychocolate · 28/02/2012 17:06

I am actually too posh to push. What of it? Grin

This is one of those situation where the 'did you mean to be so rude' comes in v handy.

minimisschief · 28/02/2012 17:13

its a joke get a thicker skin and laugh like a normal person

cherrytopping · 28/02/2012 18:22

I'm a normal person. Its not a joke. Its just rude and plays on insecurities and the intent is to deliberately belittle.

Perhaps you'd like to 'joke' with a woman who has had a traumatic birth and has mental scars from it. Because thats ok. And she should just grow a thicker skin.

Hmm yes. The term should be removed from the english language as it means real issues are being ignored because of it.

DoNotDisturb · 28/02/2012 18:27

The OP came on for a rant about people telling her she was too posh to push. It was immediately pointed out to her than the response of intact bits was equally offensive and she retracted.

She clearly didn't mean to offend anyone. Can we not all be happy that now of us are too posh to push and we all have beautiful vaginas Wink and let's face it - it's no one else's business and they shouldn't fucking comment anyway!!

minimisschief · 28/02/2012 18:50

it is a joke. the person is making light of something traumatic. stop going ott

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 18:53

I have many friends who have had cs and say it was a wonderful experience not saying natural better etc just do not dismiss it i guess

cherrytopping · 28/02/2012 18:55

Sorry I really find it offensive minimisschief. I don't think its ott. I think you are being very insensitive with your attitude over it.

DartsAgain · 28/02/2012 19:00

I agree with cherrytopping. It's NOT a joke, it's woeful ignorance from someone who cba to understand what really happens.

And yes, I've had my share of comments from people after DD's birth. My stock reply is that I'd rather be to posh to push than dead, which is what DD and I would have been without the CS. Tha soon shuts them up.

OhChristFENTON · 28/02/2012 19:00

minimischief may I respectfully point out that different people have different views of what constitutes a 'joke', and no amount of telling someone to "grow a thicker skin" as you have, will convince that person to find a certain subject funny, there have been some quite horrible things said on this thread which many posters have found sensitive. A traumatic labour experience and physical and emotional scarring from it is no laughing matter.

Please don't tell another poster that they are not a normal person and are being OTT, just because they are not roaring with laughter about the condition of their bodies post-childbirth - that's really quite nasty you know.

Clytaemnestra · 28/02/2012 20:56

drywhiteplease - I had a wax, and asked about a tummy tuck while they were down there as well :D I did breast feed, although I didn't really plan to - the midwife kind of bundled up while I was in the recovery bit of theatre and got DD latched on and it was just happening.

I think it might partly be down to circumstance - I had an ELCS because I have problems with my hips, rather complicated ones and solved post pregnancy by a hip replacement on both sides. I can't be arsed to explain the whole long saga, so I tell people I was too posh to push. I couldn't give a monkeys if they judge me for not having a "proper" birth, my birth experience was fantastic and my DD is perfect, so what anyone else thinks doesn't make any difference to me. If I'd been totally healthly and able to give birth vaginally and someone had offered me a ELCS I would have taken it, I looked on having it as one bonus thing from an awful lot of problems my hips caused me over the years. Not because of any damage to my "bits" but because it sounds painful and I didn't fancy the idea if I could avoid it. And luckily I had a cast iron excuse. :)

I think maybe because my birth experience was great and what I wanted, I'm happy to joke about it. I understand if yours wasn't you don't want to make jokes about it, but the poster up thread who said that people shouldn't make the "posh to push" jokes about their OWN birth experience is being unreasonable.

professorsnape · 28/02/2012 23:45

For what it's worth, and at the risk of sounding like Oprah, I think it all comes down to how happy women are themselves with their own birth experience.

Once you're happ, who cares!? I know my friend who had a c-section was nearly apologising for it - Confused

I had a vaginal birth with DD1 and identical twins. Am always amused at the 'well done for pushing out twins/not having a section' - as if it was something to do with me and not teh sequence of events/advice from doctors/midwives on the day.

All I'm saying it that often we dont have a choice the way birth of our babies happen

Note - my 'bits' are fine thanks very much!!

Although sometimes I feel people make a bit of fuss/are over curious about it all and make a bit of a circus about it. In my head I always think "Roll up, roll up - come and see the amazing vagina that gave birth to twins....etc....etc...." I must be mad Grin

MavisG · 29/02/2012 08:08

DreamingofPeace
you don't have to accept any treatment - your hospital's policies notwithstanding. It might be worth getting some advice from a HCP you trust, and getting the risks and benefits of e.g. synto after twin 1, if you go for VB, and taking an extra birth partner - doula if you've the cash - to support you in labour.
Hope it goes well.

RoxanneY · 29/02/2012 08:42

What toomuchmonthatendofmoney said

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 05/03/2012 10:42

Ooh I got a name check!! Thank you RoxanneY I am very excited !! Smile Thanks

Diamondback · 05/03/2012 12:12

ScottishMummy, childbirth may be natural, but that doesn't mean it's easy. We are not well designed for it: as we evolved to stand upright, our pelvises became smaller; as we evolved larger brains, our heads became bigger. That is why humans experience much more difficulty in childbirth than other animals (and why, prior to modern medicine, 1 in 5 women died in childbirth and countless others were permanently damaged).

Maybe you had a not-to-bad experience, but you're not me. We probably don't have the same eye, hair or skin colour. Not everyone has the same flat feet, asthma or genetic risk of bowel cancer that I do. So why would you expect our bodies to be exactly the same when it comes to childbirth?

Some women report it being 'like a bad period pain' but no worse. Lucky them! But don't judge women for it is was the worst thing they ever physically went through. If I ever have another kid, the only thing that will be on my birthplan is 'Epidural, early as possible'.

And for those earlier in the thread who has CS and occasionally wondered if they missed out, no you didn't! For a very few women, VB might be a marvellous bonding experience, but most women I've talked to were just glad it was over and bonded with their baby afterwards, like normal people, as they got to know them. A few even found that the trauma of 'natural' childbirth made it more difficult to bond with their child. Being a mother is about everything that comes after the birth, not how they came out.

Diamondback · 05/03/2012 12:13

PS, 200 times more women in Afghanistan die due to pregnancy and childbirth, than due to war, every year. That's what happens without medical intervention.

Diamondback · 05/03/2012 12:14

PPS, YANBU - do slap the next person who says TPTP and tell them they are rude!

giveitago · 05/03/2012 13:58

Surely any birth is amazing.

I went from wanting to have a cs to wanting a natural birth but ended up having the most managed birth plus cs ever. It was amazing as my ds was born alive.

It does piss me off when people smirk at my birth. My birth was for the benefit of my ds and not me.

Makes ME smirk when first timers give me the stats and say I did wrong for my kid and they'll be going the natural route in some sort of birth centre. I just bite my tongue and say OKAYYYYY