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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For punching the next person who calls me 'too posh to push' in the face

176 replies

beckyboow88 · 27/02/2012 16:43

Both my DCs were born my sections, first emergency, second elective. I've gone through all sorts of emotions about them from feeling that I'm not a real woman to where I am now that is actually quite happy my bits are intact still. But if one more person tells me I'm too posh to push I may just hurt them. AIBU?

OP posts:

buzzgirly · 27/02/2012 17:06

YANBU

I have had 2 emcs, and received a comment like that recently. A woman that works with my DH said to me "oh you didn't manage it again, are you too posh to push ha, ha.". I just walked away from her, was so annoyed.

It's really not anyone's bloody business!

Original poster

beckyboow88 · 27/02/2012 17:09

buzz poor you, although you are braver than me giving it a second whirl, I personally think you are some kind of hero!

OP posts:

keepingupwiththejoneses · 27/02/2012 17:11

YADNBU I have 3 ds's all born by elactive section, first was 8lb+ and double breach, second pre-eclampsia and due to rep CS, third was because of previous 2 CS. I do now and then have a pang of 'what if' but my bys and I are alive and that is all that matters. The only difference between and eletive CS and an emergency one is that you are in labour when they do an emergency one, most people don't realise that there are plenty of medical reasons for an elective section. There is no truth in the saying ignorance is bliss!

porcamiseria · 27/02/2012 17:12

STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!! and stop rehashing on here too

RunningOutOfIdeas · 27/02/2012 17:13

I had a few say it to me, thinking they were being sooo funny. I used to say that, had I pushed at all, DD would have died so were they suggesting I was too posh to cope with a still birth. Yes it would result in an uncomfortable silence but I hope they would then think twice before they say it to some one else.

MidnightinMoscow · 27/02/2012 17:13

becky, I don't think there is any opting in or out of a VBAC. You need to be 100% confident in your choice as both have pros and cons and to be honest, you have to go with what your gut feeling is telling you. So please don't feel guilty or bad about that.

Yes the justifying is daft really, almost like I need everyone to know that I went through the worst bits of both..a long labour but then major surgery at the end.

A few months ago I went through the notes of my birth with DC1 and it was very therapeutic. It closed a lot of doors for me and answered questions that I had left unanswered. I now know that I could have never delivered DS vaginally.

Have you done anything like this?

buzzgirly · 27/02/2012 17:17

Not really becky I was really scared about having another section, so opted for a vbac. But it turns out that neither dc enjoys labour very much!

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 27/02/2012 17:20

My niece wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her mums c section, she was minutes away from death. C ection is a major op, it is not the easiest option at all.

Tell them to fuck off.

CeliaDeBohun · 27/02/2012 17:20

No one need give 'an excuse' that they were too chicken or that they got so far.

No, you shouldn't have to justify it to anybody. Same goes for epidurals. I know people who are almost as judgy about them as they are about c-sections

If it ever comes up in conversation that I had an elective section and I get asked why, I just say "medical reasons" and make it clear that I don't want to go into any more detail than that. Whenever I have given an explanation I've always felt like I'm somehow trying to justify it to the person I'm speaking to. Quite an uncomfortable feeling.

YANBU by the way.

Original poster

beckyboow88 · 27/02/2012 17:21

I had heard it was an option but never knew how to go about it. To be honest I don't know that I want to drag up old feelings...

OP posts:

PosiePumblechook · 27/02/2012 17:21

I just say that DH doesn't want me to have saggy bits!!

claricestar · 27/02/2012 17:22

How annoying! I have not had a cs but my father in laws partner was round the other day seeing my new dc3 and she was going on about someone at her work who knew the sex and the date of the elective c section (due to previous stillbirth) and she was comparing it to going to Asda to get a baby and going home again saying "it doesn't seem right somehow"....I was too tired and postnatal to challenge her on her silly views unfortunately....I just prayed she hadn't said any of this to her colleague!

Father in laws partner is a bit nuts....

MistyMountainHop · 27/02/2012 17:22

yanbu

two of my so called friends (who had vbs) say this to me and say i didn't give birth properly coz i had both dc via planned cs. a decision i was and am very happy with. and if i have any more i will have another cs.

it doesnt matter how you birth your kids as long as mum n baby/s are ok

and what i don't tell them is the big upside of a cs that i know for a fact i am nice and tight down there still...i may have a scar and not given birth "properly" but i have the fanny of a 16 year old

cherrytopping · 27/02/2012 17:27

CeliaDeBohun

Exactly anyone who comes out with something like this needs to be made to feel really awkward and uncomfortable as possible. Its not funny, its not acceptable and you absolutely shouldn't try and justify it.

Why is it important to anyone else how you gave birth? Unless its trying to belittle you or make them feel better about something?

DoNotDisturb · 27/02/2012 17:29

You are not being unreasonable to be upset but you are doing the exact same thing to those of us who have had vaginal births by implying we've been damaged in some so in that sense yabu..

toddlerama · 27/02/2012 17:30

I'm about to have my 3rd elcs. So many people have said it to me. I generally suggest they try 'natural' dentistry seeing as they hate medical advances so much, or just say "yes, I didn't want to rip my vagina, I like it". Neither of these are the real reasons, but the real reasons are none of their business! It doesn't bother me in the slightest, because it is alway said with a slightly bitter edge as if I shouldn't have been 'allowed' such an 'easy' option. So they generally look knobbish all by themselves.

toddlerama · 27/02/2012 17:33

Also, I like the implication that I am posh. It doesn't happen very often...

Original poster

beckyboow88 · 27/02/2012 17:37

DoNotDisturb further up I called someone a hero for trying a VBAC, personally I wouldn't say I was putting people who have had VBs down. However if I'm going to weigh up pros and cons to make myself feel better, my intact vagina is definitely on the pros list!!

OP posts:

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 27/02/2012 17:38

Well I had a thirty hour labour with 3 hours pushing, delivered vaginally and my "bits" are perfectly fine thank you very much, no epi or tear, no difference in erm, sensation for either me or dh. So I feel on that point YABU. You cannot assume that a vaginal birth means damaged bits.

Bit I agree you should not have to justify yr birth method to anyone. Just as I shouldn't have to defend the integrity of my vagine .....

misslinnet · 27/02/2012 17:39

YANBU. They're being rude and insensitive to say that.

I do however think that the term "elective" section can be a bit misleading.
Even though the vast vast majority of ELCS's are done for very good clinical reasons, the elective bit makes it sound like a free choice.

RachelWalsh · 27/02/2012 17:40

If someone was really not bothered about having had a c section, elective or otherwise they wouldn't feel the need to imply women who have given birth vaginally are all somehow vaginally substandard not "nice and tight", all with ripped vaginas, "saggy bits" and so on.

I don't give a fuck how anyone else births their children but posters insulting the vaginas of women who have not had cesareans are no better than women making snidey comments about people being too posh to push. Why does everything have to be fucking competition?

chandellina · 27/02/2012 17:40

whenever i read these threads i always think - who are these people who actually say such inane things? but it probably really is just a throwaway comment because it's what people associate with c-section after lots of media stories, etc.

I told loads of people I was having an ELCS and never quite knew what to say when some asked why? wish now I'd just said because I'm posh innit.

i've done birth naturally and by elcs and i don't care if people think i am posh or lost my vagina - elcs was by far the better experience for me.

ArielNonBio · 27/02/2012 17:41

No, YADNBU.

DoNotDisturb · 27/02/2012 17:44

Beckyboo - you may have said this further up but you also trotted out one of the cliches (like to posh to push) that is vaginal ladies (can't believe I've just said that ) are sick of having to listen to.

Just saying it works both ways!

DoNotDisturb · 27/02/2012 17:47

Sodding phone ...

Too posh obviously

And us vaginal ladies!

Serves me right for posting while feeding the kids

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