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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister In Law from Hell

140 replies

jet77 · 27/02/2012 14:54

Hi, Just venting but my SIL is driving me mad - she and her husband own a business which seems to make her think she is the busiest most important person in the world (which she is not she spends 50% of the year in france) but yet despite all the money and time to go to france she hasn't been to see her nephew who is now 11months old - well actually she popped in for an hour on her way to france about 9 months ago. This is the latest in a long long line of similiar self-important behaviour and I have reached my breaking point. Situation is made worse because DH not v good at challenging her so I have said - look if you want to accomodate your sister (by going for a £400 2 annual leave days trip to Ireland) that's fine but dont expect me to go - is there really a reason she can't come to us and make the effort everyone else has to make - ie a pre-arranged trip not just popping by 'on her way to somewhere else- husband trying to imply I am being selfish but I really am not - any views

OP posts:
mojitomania · 27/02/2012 14:59

Sorry bit thick here today. Do you mean She's asked you to meet up for a couple of days in Ireland?

mrsnesbit · 27/02/2012 15:00

So sil lives in Ireland and you live in the UK?
is that right?

So it would eman lots of travel for every one, you & sil to get togther?

Why bother, seriously, why are you bothered?
You have survived perfectly ok up till now wothout seeing each other, plus it sounds like you are too angry wth her for any visit to be pleasant.
So, why bother?

Faverolles · 27/02/2012 15:01

You've posted this before haven't you?
IIRC, it didn't go well the time before.

Faverolles · 27/02/2012 15:03

Oh, and YABU. It would take far, far more than this to make her a sil from hell. At worst she's just not interested in going way out of her way to see a baby. It's not worth getting worked up about.

missmalteser · 27/02/2012 15:03

She's the sil from hell because she doesn't visit you, even though you don't like her anyway and never see her as you live in different countries? Erm... Yabu

SaraBellumHertz · 27/02/2012 15:07

YABU

She's busy, doesn't make her self important.

OTOH maybe sh has loads of time and just considers you to be a PITA.

lesley33 · 27/02/2012 15:07

YABU in so far as a SIL from hell would be truly awful - when she just doesn't seem that bothered.

joanofarchitrave · 27/02/2012 15:10

Any relative who lives 100s of miles away and DOESN'T want to visit ever very often is a relative from heaven in my book.

A week in Ireland could be lovely - why not copy her and drop in on your way somewhere else?

lisaro · 27/02/2012 15:12

Oh are you back? Why do you come on here complaining about the same thing again? Why should she? Your jealousy is maybe the thing you need to concentrate on.

lesley33 · 27/02/2012 15:13

I have to say as well that sometimes relatives can appear uninterested for good reasons. Now my nieces and nephews are old enough to notice I do take an interest in them.

But when 1st nephew was baby I didn't. Because to be honest my SIL every time I saw here would look down her nose at me and talk exclusively about herself the whole time. So tbh I couldn't be arssed to make frequent visits to see a very young nephew and to be treated badly.

LeBOF · 27/02/2012 15:14

Why do you even care? I've got loads of relatives I seldom see. It's completely normal. I can't see what she's done wrong- she just isn't that arsed about you, which is fair enough, it's not a huge insult or anything.

imnotmymum · 27/02/2012 15:16

She should not affect/effect never know which one you life enjoy your family and either go to Ireland and enjoy time or just put up with her being the way she is... life too short

MordechaiVanunu · 27/02/2012 15:19

I can't see what she's done really.

Ok shes not very interested in your baby, that's fair enough. Your baby is not very interesting (it's a baby) and you sound like very hard work. Anyone who thinks everyone should be doting on their child is very hard work.

MordechaiVanunu · 27/02/2012 15:20

I think this is a reverse AIBU, and you are the sister in law from hell.

You just don't know it.

lisaro · 27/02/2012 15:27

Last time you were whining on here you admitted she'd offered to stop over on her way to or from holiday, but that wasn't good enough for you, you wanted her to jump for you, Frankly, I can see why she's not interested.

ComposHat · 27/02/2012 15:28

She is not being self-important, she is just not that interested in your child.

Here's a shocker: other people's babies are not very interesting. My worst nightmare would be spending two days cooing over some one else's crying, shitting and pissing baby.

Much like your sister in law, I would rather get on with living my own life.

flywiththecrows · 27/02/2012 15:29

oh, so this hatred of the SIL goes musch deeper does it?

Because from the OP alone, she doesn't sound that bad.

If you can afford to go to Ireland, go. If not, don't. It's really that simple.

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/02/2012 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flywiththecrows · 27/02/2012 15:31

and if you dislike her as much as it seems then why do you want to spend any time with her?

unless you want her to envy your beautiful bundle of joy and comment on how lucky you are and fawn over your beautiful house, and beautiful lunch and.....

she just isn't going to do that.

eurochick · 27/02/2012 15:33

TBH you are the one who sounds self-important because you expect her to travel to another country to visit your little darling. Babies just aren't that interesting to some people. You are obviously just not that interested in one another, so why push more contact?

HazleNutt · 27/02/2012 15:40

so you hate your SIL because she does not come over, but you are refusing to go over yourself? Why does she "have" to, as you put it, make the effort to come and see you, if you don't even like her?

bobbledunk · 27/02/2012 15:48

Get over yourself, I doubt your child is so adorable and fascinating that people feel inclined to travel across countries to visit people (you) who obviously don't like them just to see him. Obviously if he was, she wouldGrin.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 27/02/2012 15:49

If she is horrible isnt it good that she doesnt want to visit.

I have several hundred SIL (ok I exagerate) and the majority live within a couple of miles of me.
This is ok in some cases and very not ok in others.

janecheshire · 28/02/2012 14:41

I am comfortable with where I am on this - I will accomodate her as I think is reasonable - I have been surprised at some of the more vicious responses - I have survived cancer and nearly dying in childbirth so hardly going to let a few stupid comments get to me - and perhaps such extreme experiences have made me a bit less tolerant who knows..... but since this i have looked at other posts and regardless of what they are at least one of the responses is along the lines of 'f*ck off and get over yourself' - is this really what mumsnet is about?

My frustration/comment was that SIL never makes any effort with baby 'far too busy' yet spends 50% of year at holiday home in france 'being busy', then expects we should have to fork out time and money for the priveledge of visiting her in ireland or should stay in the house 24/7 on the offchance once every blue moon she will be passing by on her way to somewhere else - clearly she is not making my son her only nephew a priority - absolutley fine but its the I will ignore you and do my own thing and then when I am ready you will stop everything because I am more important than you etc.....she wanted to visit at xmas on her way to somewhere else and my DH said no because he had other plans she then told MIL 'how upset she was at this' when in fact baby by this point 8 months old and she could have visited at any time before and since which she has never done. I know I am not being ridiculous because plenty of others dont appreciate her attitude ie her other in-laws and coleagues and she once tried to force my MIL to cancel her one holiday a year so that she could look after SIL dog whilst she went on her seventh holiday of the year etc.

Shanghaidiva · 28/02/2012 14:48

Sounds like you are envious that she spends 50% of the year on holiday.