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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister In Law from Hell

140 replies

jet77 · 27/02/2012 14:54

Hi, Just venting but my SIL is driving me mad - she and her husband own a business which seems to make her think she is the busiest most important person in the world (which she is not she spends 50% of the year in france) but yet despite all the money and time to go to france she hasn't been to see her nephew who is now 11months old - well actually she popped in for an hour on her way to france about 9 months ago. This is the latest in a long long line of similiar self-important behaviour and I have reached my breaking point. Situation is made worse because DH not v good at challenging her so I have said - look if you want to accomodate your sister (by going for a £400 2 annual leave days trip to Ireland) that's fine but dont expect me to go - is there really a reason she can't come to us and make the effort everyone else has to make - ie a pre-arranged trip not just popping by 'on her way to somewhere else- husband trying to imply I am being selfish but I really am not - any views

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 28/02/2012 19:38

... or she may just be "dangerous to know"! Grin

And I'm shocked that France contains busy people! Wink

lisaro · 28/02/2012 19:39

Grin @ Salmotrutta

Anniegetyourgun · 28/02/2012 20:12

No, no it doesn't. France is just a very, very big holiday home. It's got the Eiffel Tower and shops in the north and cheap gittes full of ex-pats in the south. That's it really.

Or so somebody told me once. Never been there myself (except to Disneyland, on the train, oh I forgot it has that as well). Cos you know, it's foreign.

trixie123 · 28/02/2012 20:47

many thanks - a day when you learn something new is a good day Grin

bruxeur · 28/02/2012 21:58

There are SOME French people there but they're mostly asleep or making garlicky love to their mistresses. Not really busy tbh, more distracted.

annh · 28/02/2012 22:34

Is the OP going to come back at the end of every month and post the same question about her SIL? Is this something to do with the moon?!

skybluepearl · 28/02/2012 22:46

I've been in a similar situation and am really glad to have as little contact as pos really. It's my MIL's and BIL's loss but it doesn't effect my life in any shape or form.

Hebiegebies · 28/02/2012 23:03

France is full of very busy people

Yesterday while there I was
Taxi driver
Cake maker
Laundry assistant
Washer upper
Host
Bedmaker

Today I was
Carpenter
Cleaning lady
Removal woman
Counsellor

I then packed to fly back to the uk and slept in the plane :)

sayithowitis · 28/02/2012 23:51

Maybe OP should order one of these to use next time she wants to rehash the same old same old....

HillyWallaby · 29/02/2012 03:32

Well having just read the linked original thread, where she calls her SIL a Spoilt Madam, it seems clear that Jet-Jane's biggest problem is that she dislikes the fact that her SIL tries to see them whilst already in the UK, en route to France. She is offended that the SIL will not get on a plane or a boat especially just to visit the baby, without using her time and money wisely and combining trips. Which is a very, very odd and unreasonable attitude to take.

My guess is that the SIL has made a decision to not go out of her way to visit as she has prbably noticed that she can't please you anyway, and at Christmas she was told they were too busy to see her when she was passing through and it probably smacked of you being deliberately obstructive and awkward.

So well done, OP I think your SIL finally has the message loud and clear that you really don't like her much, and she has stopped bothering with you. Sensible woman.

Also in the original post you go on again about how she is 'a bit wealthy' and thinks that she is more important than the rest of you because of that. I do not believe that you are equally or more wealthy than her. Admit it - that was just a bit of made-up justification on your part to stop you coming across as jealous and bitter which you are. If you were as wealthy as her or more, you would not need to keep making snidey comments about her wealth.

The only person who is coming across as a Spoilt Madam is YOU Jet-Jane.

mynewpassion · 29/02/2012 04:22

I thought that Ireland is where DH's family lives. Maybe your DH wants to visit Ireland so that he can see his whole family at once: his parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and including his sister.

The OP is so focused on SIL that she doesn't realize that there are other family members that her DH would also like to see and show off DS to.

OP you are spending way too much time thinking about your SIL. You are giving her way too much power in your life when you likely aren't even on her radar.

Mimishimi · 29/02/2012 05:44

YABU in calling her the sister-in-law from hell. I can understand if you are a bit hurt that she doesn't see you more often but think you're making a bit of a storm in a teacup really.

WinkyWinkola · 29/02/2012 05:44

I love it when people drip in en route elsewhere. Makes it a shorter visit and much less work but job done.

It can be hurtful when you discover relatives have very little interest in your dcs. It's an adjustment of expectations especially if you yourself are an interested relative.

But I would visit your sil in Ireland en route elsewhere. Have a lovely trip, short visit to sil - everybody's happy.

Sounds like you don't like her anyway so no great loss.

WinkyWinkola · 29/02/2012 05:45

Erm, that's DROP in.

Jacksmania · 29/02/2012 06:03

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Jacksmania · 29/02/2012 06:03

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TreacleSoda · 29/02/2012 09:50

Winky the only problem with dropping in on SIL in Ireland en route elsewhere is that once you reach here, there's nowhere else to go Wink

captainmummy · 29/02/2012 09:54

I think the prob is the way your SIL thinks she is really busy, really important, and possibly rather a bit big-headed. That's why you don't like her, and even if she was cooing over baby every week you still wouldn't like her, because she has a life.

That is jealousy, jet-jane. But get over it and get on with your own little life and be happy with it.

PoohBearsHole · 29/02/2012 10:07

I bet you end of march/beg of April OP will post this again. Oh Joy. Question will be under what name!

Hammy02 · 29/02/2012 10:39

I don't see why you expect to see someone just because you are related to them. I have 2 uncles I never see. I never give it a second thought. I only just thought about it now as your OP reminded me.

mathanxiety · 29/02/2012 16:33

Au contraire -- Ireland is chock full of things to do once the visit with the SIL is over; it is the land of endless craic and it is every bit as green as advertised.

OrmIrian · 29/02/2012 16:41

I guess that makes me the SIL from hell too. I have never made a 'pre-arranged visit' to see a new neice and nephew. Neither has my brother nor DH's sisters to us. Flowers, cards and maybe a gift gets sent when babe arrives then you pop in when you can.

mathanxiety · 29/02/2012 16:46

Me too Blush. I send stuff from time to time. My niece is 8ish Blush and I have never met her in person.

Eglu · 29/02/2012 17:02

Snort at busy in France, and also at the epic fail of sock puppetry on the OPs part.

breatheslowly · 29/02/2012 18:43

They're only allowed to work 35 hours a week in France. Therefore the SIL can't possibly be busy. So she probably doesn't really like you OP. Why would you want someone who doesn't like you to visit you is beyond me.

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