Sister In Law from Hell

[jet77]

Hi, Just venting but my SIL is driving me mad - she and her husband own a business which seems to make her think she is the busiest most important person in the world (which she is not she spends 50% of the year in france) but yet despite all the money and time to go to france she hasn't been to see her nephew who is now 11months old - well actually she popped in for an hour on her way to france about 9 months ago. This is the latest in a long long line of similiar self-important behaviour and I have reached my breaking point. Situation is made worse because DH not v good at challenging her so I have said - look if you want to accomodate your sister (by going for a £400 2 annual leave days trip to Ireland) that's fine but dont expect me to go - is there really a reason she can't come to us and make the effort everyone else has to make - ie a pre-arranged trip not just popping by 'on her way to somewhere else- husband trying to imply I am being selfish but I really am not - any views

jet/janecheshire - incase this is a real problem, I'd like to give you my story.

My SiL has never came to visit my DD who was born 4 years ago. No phonecall, no congratulations, NOTHING. As a mother it hurts when such a close relation to your husband and child appears not to give a fuck.

I hurt for a year or two after DD was born. Always bought it up with DH. Then something happened and I realised that not having her in our lives was much better. Once I got over the fact that she didn't give a shit about her brother's child, it was much better.

When DS was born last month, my husband's brother phoned and told us she wanted to come and visit. We waited all weekend and she never came. She still hasn't come - and this time I don't give a shit and have happily got on with life.

Why are you making this such an issue? You need to move on and realise how much easier life gets when you don't dwell on crap like this. Honestly, not having her in your life is not making her a SIL from hell - you are just angry that she hasn't visited your baby, and as a mother that hurts.

Genuine question. Why are you do bothered? She sounds like a pain, but sil from hell? Really? Have you seen some of the threads in here about this?

Unless there is a back story here them I'm not surprised at the response you've received.

My SiL has never came to visit my DD who was born 4 years ago. No phonecall, no congratulations, NOTHING. As a mother it hurts when such a close relation to your husband and child appears not to give a fuck.

Ever given thought as to why?

I have been avoiding my pregnant SiL. I will continue to do so as much as I possibly can with the full support of my DH.

Why? Half back history, half own issues.

Sorry, but I don't sympathise, as there has to be reasons behind it, and it looks like you haven't made much of an effort to work those out. Instead its all about you....

havent read past the first few comments but:

i had a sil- she was american, much older than me, never had kids, never wanted kids. She had no interest in our kids at all. This was fine by me- my brother moved to america with her after a couple of years- rarely heard from them- they divorced- still rarely hear from my brother. it doesnt bother me because before i had my kids, i wasnt interested in any one elses ( and to be honest am still not really)

on the other side, i have a sil (hubbys sister) who has her own kids, lives here etc who is a nasty piece of work. Don't like her at all. i decided early doors to have nowt to do with her. it works for both of us.

seriously- you have made your statement- that you cannot be arsed to schlep to Ireland when she is not interested. You have told dh, i hope, that you have no problem with him going.

YANBU- leave it as it is.

Sorry cherrytopping are you talking to me?

The only issue that is clear to everyone in my situation is that SiL didn't want my DH to marry me. She even told DH that if he marries me he'll regret it . No backstory. I get on well with all my in-laws - no issue whatsoever with my FiL and BiL's. No one condones her behaviour on my DH's side. DH hasn't met her in 6 years over this.

So, yes, I have thought long and hard as to why she would do this...I only ever met her once. Horrible woman with horrible issues. Some people are like that in the world.

Weird thread! I still don't know what SIL supposed to do/stop doing exactly.

Anyway OP, whatever your name is, get over yourself! Why should anyone else be interested in your DS? Are you interested enough to travel to other countries to visit other people's DCs? Especially if they don't like you, the way you clearly don't like her. What would the visit be for, exactly?

Very curious.

Sounds like a backstory to me...

If shes so awful why do you still let her get over it rather than take the attitude that shes really not worth getting upset over. You have your DH and she's lost a brother. I'm guessing she was pretty close to her brother before too. Hasn't she done you a favour if she's such a horrible woman with issues?

I think if you do have a feud like that, you either do more to sort it out or you get on with your life and don't let it bother you cos if she is being vindictive then she 'winning' if you are choosing to let it.

This place is weird today.

At this rate I may have to go and interact with real life......

I dont understand why she has a personality disorder?? A personality disorder usually describes someone who struggles with the regulation of their emotions, not someone who is busy and doesnt go out of their way to visit family

That baffled me more than the original post anyway

What I don't understand is why you wouldn't be falling over yourself to go to Ireland. It is a lovely place to visit, very green, etc. Even the fairly constant rain is charming.

(That personality disorder poster was being ironic, Hotpotpie)

I've read this before, I swear I have.

Have you reposted it, because this has yesterdays date on it and I think I read this weeks ago?

Please say you've decided to have another crack at posting this, because otherwise I'm either going mad or have time travelled.

thanks mathanxiety meant to ask that at the end of post but didnt, glad to see common sense has prevailed throughout the thread in that case

Yes, rehashed story

It's this one isn't it?

can someone explain the sock puppet thing? Honestly I've been on here for 3 years now but sometimes I still feel like a newbie - I only got the centreparcs thing the other day too . OP, mountains, molehills and don't post in AIBU if you don't want people do give you a hard time.

sockpuppetry (my understanding)

Having numerous names, and when threads aren't going your way you change betwixt the two/three etc to back up your original views.

So:

Fannypie123
"AIBU to be fantastic and wonderful and you lot are shit"

NormalMumsnetter
"YABU you are unhinged"

repeat YABU with various takes on why by 'normal' MNers

Squishybum
"YANBU, you are brilliant and lovely and this place is just a nest of vipers - don't take it personally hunnie"

That's my understanding.

Exhausting - seriously, where do they find the time. And memory. Although as this thread shows oh so gloriously, memory can fail!

That is my understanding of the phenomenon too, BrianCox. The trick is to remember what pronoun to use for yourself in your various personae.

I rarely see SIL she is quite possibly the most boring woman in the world. When asked politely how her job is going she tells you in great detail I would rather set fire to my house than spend more than an hour or so in her company. OPs SIL sounds fine by me.

No, YANBU, you really are the sister-in-law from hell! But your own sister-in-law, the one who goes to France, sounds quite reasonable to me.

Hmm, I can see why you're upset, it's upsetting when people don't seem bothered about your DC. Fwiw, I only see my sister when I visit her (100 miles away), partly because she doesn't drive and I do, partly because I left our hometown and she didn't (so I combine visits to family and friends when I go!) and partly because she is -very- a bit self absorbed. There isn't any malice there and I've got used to it now. She's better now DS is here though. Otoh, my friend has ALL of her in laws within a 2 mile radius and she hates it!

Having said this, I do think YABU as you seemed to be locked into a Mexican standoff of not visiting, and if you want things to change someone needs to 'give in', and you going to Ireland may be the best way to get things moving.

I live in France. Three years ago, I moved house one month after my second child was born, when my first child was 15 months old.

I mention this just to show that it is possible to be busy and in France at the same time. France has, surprisingly, about as many busy people as the UK.

Kirsty you are a HOOT!

I'm not sure if the OP et al is mad, sad or bad.