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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think most men want a skinny woman

314 replies

theuglymate · 26/02/2012 15:32

I go out with my friend occasionally and I can't think of a time when she doesn't have a crowd of men around her. We are similar age, height, I am no oil painting but not completely hideous either. The main difference is that she is a size 10 and I am a size 14. I always feel like that fat ugly mate and it is soul destroying.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 26/02/2012 22:36

My friend is probably better at flirting than me, but I am talking about before we even open our mouths. Maybe she has come to bed eyes and i haven't noticed lol

Who shows more cleavage :o

Original poster
theuglymate · 26/02/2012 22:41

maybe I should have made the thread about me and been more specific instead of generalising.

what was the name of that programme on telly where they used to try and get people confident enough for dating? showed them what to wear, how to flirt etc? that's what I need obviously.

OP posts:
Tryharder · 26/02/2012 22:46

I sort of agree with the OP but think that the most men prefer slim women rather than skinny. I got far more male attention when I was slim (size 12). I am a size 16 - 18 now (although very tall) and rarely attract male attention now. Although that could also have something to do with the fact that I am 40 and usually in the company of 3 kids. My DH tells me I am beautiful but even he would admit under torture that he would prefer me to be a little slimmer.

desperatenotstupid · 26/02/2012 22:47

Worraliberty - i am 5'2" and a size 20, so yeah, actually i would, but on reflection i dont think it was fair to say it at all. I would say to someone who is a size 14 and 5'1" and thouht themselves as fat that she shouldnt be listening to what society says she should be and that she has a lovely figure. A size 14 is NOT fat, i think it is the average size isnt it?

desperatenotstupid · 26/02/2012 22:49

nocake - you can stay Grin

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 22:54

I would say to someone who is a size 14 and 5'1" and thouht themselves as fat that she shouldnt be listening to what society says she should be and that she has a lovely figure. A size 14 is NOT fat, i think it is the average size isnt it?

But what if she's not listening to what society says?

What if she's looking in the mirror, can see she's fat and wants to lose weight?

How can you say now that you'd tell her she has a 'lovely figure' when she might not necessarily have?

Again, you say size 14 is not fat....but it depends on the height and frame of the person.

Just because it's the 'average dress size'...well again that doesn't come into it.

If size 28 became the average dress size, that wouldn't mean that we as a nation are not getting fat.

desperatenotstupid · 26/02/2012 22:57

so if at a size 14 you say she is fat, what are you saying about me?? When i had my DD, i was poorly and lost a load of weight, i looked terrible. I would be much happier at about size 16 but definately no smaller than that.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 23:01

so if at a size 14 you say she is fat, what are you saying about me?? When i had my DD, i was poorly and lost a load of weight, i looked terrible. I would be much happier at about size 16 but definately no smaller than that

What I'm saying is this....

Size 14 is a dress size...therefore it can neither be fat or thin.

However, the person wearing that size can be fat or thin...because it depends on their height, their frame and how tall they are.

I'm not saying anything about you because I have no idea whether you're fat, thin or anything else.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 23:02

Meant height, frame and build Blush

EauDeLaPoisson · 26/02/2012 23:05

Jesus christ these kind of threads drive me mad. All this talk of 'fatties' and 'stick insects'- all the woman hating and self loathing drives me insane. Where are the endless threads about fat men? Where are the gossip mags featuring fat men in their swim wear?
FTR I am a size 16 and 5'2- so by many peoples standards a fat cunt. But I get plenty of male attention- many of them very nice looking too. But thats by the by basically, when I go out I have fun and enjoy myself not sitting there feeling hard done by as some people happen to be a smaller size than me. I have also been a size 8- far from being happier I was a paranoid obsessive thinking my partner was looking at other women as they were far slimmer/prettier/had bigger norks.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 23:08

I don't know where those threads are Eau but seeing as though MN is predominantly female, I doubt we'd see many men starting threads saying they think their friend gets more attention because of his weight.

EauDeLaPoisson · 26/02/2012 23:10

But thats not the point Worra and you know it- society is obsessed with fat women. How quick celebs get the baby weight off, what diet Cheryl Cole is on next. This may be a predominantly female site but where are the threads about not fancying fat men? Someones husband having put weight on and they dont fancy them anymore? They are very few and far between and thats my entire point.

Proudnscary · 26/02/2012 23:11

Eau - I'm interested as to why you think that by most people's standards you are a 'fat cunt'?! That's so aggressive and full of bile. I'm sure most people wouldn't dream of thinking of you in those hostile terms Confused.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 23:12

I don't know...why don't you go and start one Lol!

I take your point but it's a bit of a tangent because the OP has clearly started this one for her own reason.

Perhaps like a lot of people, she's not interested in anyone else's weight but her own.

EauDeLaPoisson · 26/02/2012 23:13

Oh proud you would be amazed- the hatred and contempt some people seem to have for those who happen to be a larger size than them shocks me at times.

GoingForGoalWeight · 26/02/2012 23:13

Agree with Worra

Whatmeworry · 26/02/2012 23:14

"to think most women want a skinny man"

Sorted.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 23:15

I haven't seen anyone call anyone a fat cunt.

In fact, this thread has been a good all round debate with no insults, anger or bun throwing.

Proudnscary · 26/02/2012 23:16

Worra - Eau said this herself about herself ^!

verityverbiage · 26/02/2012 23:20

Just be yourself but try to be healthy while you are being yourself.

If other people think you're fat and you know you're healthy that's their problem not yours.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 23:21

I know Proud...I just meant I don't know why she thinks 'that by many people's standards' she's a fat cunt.

Unless she's talking about people in her real life and not on this thread?

EauDeLaPoisson · 26/02/2012 23:24

Its in response to the plethora of 'well if you were 5'2 then you would be fat' comments. So surely its reasonable to think i'd be viewed as fat? No?

Proudnscary · 26/02/2012 23:27

Oh I see, Worra - no I got the impression she meant in real life. Eau - that's sad you feel like that. Although I'm slim-ish now I have been much bigger and never felt this or encountered this I must say. But I realise there is a stigma about being overweight. I guess I believe there is a meeting point between society's judgement and an under confident person judging themselves...

Proudnscary · 26/02/2012 23:29

Eau - well that's very different from being viewed as a 'fat cunt' or similar offensive insult.
There are guidelines about weight and height and surely that's been the point on here?

EauDeLaPoisson · 26/02/2012 23:30

Oh okay then so just a fat 'person' well urmm okay thats fine then!

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