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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that motorbike racer who died racing was unfair on his DCs?

172 replies

TheEpilator · 23/02/2012 16:46

Watched a film with DH the other night about the Isle of Man TT motorbike race and couldn't believe the ludicrous risks the racers took to partake in this event, during which it seems several people die each year.

Some of them (including one of the racers who died) had young DCs and I said that their fun shouldn't be at the expense of their families' happiness.

DH thinks I am unreasonable and used the old line "he could get hit by a bus tomorrow, at least he died doing what he loved". I think the guy who died (and anyone taking part in such dangerous pursuits for fun) was being quite selfish to deprive his DCs of their dad just so that he could have the thrill of the race. DH asked me to canvas your opinions.

Whose side are you on - mine or his?!...

OP posts:
CailinDana · 23/02/2012 16:48

Yours, definitely. Once you have children your priorities absolutely must change and if they don't then you're a shit parent IMO. Putting your life in danger for fun is a horrible nasty selfish thing to do and I can't believe anyone would have children with someone who would actually do that.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 23/02/2012 16:48

YABU - you cant live your life like that and DH is right....you could get run over by a bus, who knows! Just because you have kids doesnt mean you stop living....if thats the case we had all better sell our cars and stay in forever.

Vasilisa · 23/02/2012 16:49

I ride a bike and have young children, in fact I spent most of today on it.

It doesn't sound as though you've got a complete understanding of the TT and all it involves, recent developments in safety and so on (not to sound off, but how old was the film?) I think you need to be more specific.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 23/02/2012 16:50

I agree with your DH.

If you have DCs then you shouldn't do anything vaguely dangerous, you should not even cross a road let alone go on a coach or an aeroplane, never go up a ladder, or perhaps not even go out of the house until your DCs are........oh.......at least 40.

upahill · 23/02/2012 16:53

I'm on DH's tbh.
Look at any sport and there are risks, I cave, I used to dive and I mountain bike.
In those three fields alone I know someone that has died.

People go mountain walking and die, People go fell running and die - there was a case on the Peninne Moors last summer.

So are you suggesting everyone who is a parent shouldn't take up a sport with a risk.

THe majority of riders come back from the TT's every year. There are always going to be casulalties but I do think those that take 'extra' risks rather than being slightly more cautious would be a high risk taker in other parts of their life anyway.

Distended · 23/02/2012 16:54

DH's side.
All sports carry risks

upahill · 23/02/2012 16:55

Cailin Perhaps I should give up my road bike and mountain bike. I have been knocked off my bike and ended up in intensive care. What risk did I take. I was stopped at a give way letting a car turn right!

Bikes are one of my love and they involve risk. I am a shit parent.

Original poster
TheEpilator · 23/02/2012 16:55

Film was Closer to the Edge and is very recent (last year?) so any safety developments still haven't been able to stop the 3 horrific accidents that were shown. Two of the guys were very lucky to get away with their lives, the other sadly didn't.

I think there's a huge difference between riding a bike on the roads or driving a car etc and racing somewhere which is infamous for the number of serious accidents that have happened.

DH does ride a road bike and I would never dream of opposing that, as I know he takes all possible precautions to keep himself safe. There's always a chance that an accident will happen, but to me there's a huge gulf between accepting that accidents happen and actively encouraging them!

OP posts:
CailinDana · 23/02/2012 16:56

I see I'm in the minority, which isn't unusual :)

GeekCool · 23/02/2012 16:56

I knew someone who died in a TT race. He died doing something he loved but it's horrible yes. But by suggesting that once you have kids you can't do anything dangerous, you effectively cut out all sport. Boxing, football (footballers have died on the pitch), rugby (serious life threatening injuries) etc.

So I'm with your DH.

CailinDana · 23/02/2012 16:58

I am totally biased upahill, as I saw a motorbike rider being decapitated, so I'm not sane on this front. If my DH wanted to start riding motorbikes (not likely, he even hates cars) I would be very disappointed in him. I wouldn't stop him, but I would feel quite angry about it.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/02/2012 16:58

YABU... some people like taking calculated risks. Whether it's being in the armed forces, reporting from Syria, climbing Everest or taking part in a motorcycle race, it's up to the individual how they want to live their life. Not up to us to judge.

glitzy · 23/02/2012 16:58

DHs side here too, you cannot live your life without taking risks. As others have said, you can die doing many normal day to day things...enjoy your life, you only get one!

Kayzr · 23/02/2012 16:58

I'm with your DH. I don't think having children means you should stop doing the things you love.

aldiwhore · 23/02/2012 16:58

I think the biker's DC's will probably always be incredibly proud of their dad who died doing something he was good at and loved. I would be. Or rather, I'd be more proud of my dad if he died living his life to the full rather than keeling over at his office from a heart attack due to stress.

YABU.

Every aspect of life carries risk. Live life, don't be wreckless, take certain precautions, lessen the risks as much as possible and jump from the plane.

In an era where so many people get so ill from 'being responsible' I think its very important to actually say 'screw that' occassionally and throw caution to the wind.

NotaDisneyMum · 23/02/2012 16:59

What are the statistical risks of a competitor dying in the TT compared to the risk in other sports or to you and i in day to day activities?
If the risk is significantly higher then I understand you POV, but if the risk is comparable to others, then there isn't really any evidence to support your position - it is just perception Wink

aldiwhore · 23/02/2012 17:00

My Dad isn't dead by the way... but he IS one who overworks, and has had stress related illnesses. Thank goodness he's discovered sea fishing and now works to live not the other way round.

Didn't word that too well sorry.

Vasilisa · 23/02/2012 17:03

Ok, I get where you are now. I haven't seen the film but there was a lot of fuss in the last couple of years regarding the high rate of injury and worse at the TT. People who live there didn't like riders dying all the time.

It's v complex situation. However in general terms, I agree with you. I have been a rider for what, 12 years? something like that and hold a full license. My bike is part of my body...well not literally but it's me. It's my horse, my soul mate, my love.
I'm not me without it.

OTOH I used to go to the drag racing and track days and loved it...then i had children and I never got my career on the track. I still, and ds1 is nearly 9 now, wish some days that I didn;t have kids so I could go out racing and live that dream but I don't do it. I don't because it is high risk.

When they are older and if they will allow it, I plan to do more of it I guess...one day, one day. It is a huge and horrible sacrifice like many people make for their children's benefit.

Even on the road I feel I am being selfish. But what to do. It's me, it's what I am. I'm nothing without the bike.

It's an eternal dilemma. But I am with you...and I wish I wasn't. Lives that are filled with inspiration and incredible feelings and creativity and energy are not always compatible with happy children, that's a fact, it's a tragic fact.

what do you do - let yourself go, or keep being you and let your kids down. It's hard to do both.

fabwoman · 23/02/2012 17:04

Yours.

Died doing something they love is always trotted out but I can't see it would be a consolation to the dead person.

I won't let DH do certain things since we had kids but luckily he isn't the dare devil type. The only thing he does do I make him call me when he arrives and when he has finished so I know he has survived.

I take more care and less risks since I had children.

Original poster
TheEpilator · 23/02/2012 17:04

There are several races during about 2 weeks and it seems to be about 3 riders a year die during those couple of weeks.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/02/2012 17:05

YA still BU... 'actively encouraging' an accident would be if the biker had acted recklessly in some way like not wearing a helmet or not maintaining his bike properly.

Vasilisa · 23/02/2012 17:06

My mind is with M Colvin's story as many of us I think.

what a brilliant woman

Sevenfold · 23/02/2012 17:06

yabu
you sound like a real noce person...not

Original poster
TheEpilator · 23/02/2012 17:07

thanks I am really noce Sevenfold Wink

OP posts:
Vasilisa · 23/02/2012 17:08

TT is particularly vicious race, very dangerous, a lot of eejits do it too...really, it's not like a usual track race which is highly regulated. TT is a kill yourself race if ever there was one. But many want to distance it from that element, it was never meant to be about danger.

It's been going a very very long time since bikes mattered iykwim