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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Well i am not sure and its very trivial and probably shows how money conscious, and insecure i am BUT

336 replies

MyLittleMiracle · 22/02/2012 20:30

I saw a nice top whilst out today, and i do like it alot, but i would also want a white pair of jeans to go with them. I like the top a lot, but i am not sure about paying £35 for it. I am trying to save for rent in advance and a deposit, but it looks like the council will have to house me. I am going for a family meal on sunday as well and have nothing to wear.

Is £35 a stupid amount to spend on a top? And should i just get a different colour to avoid buying a new pair of jeans?

Think i really need someone to say, no buy it for yourself...but doubt you will. Talk me into/ out of it please. So undecided!

OP posts:
LilacWaltz · 23/02/2012 22:31

AW she us a namechanger, we all know who she is though. Just hope her ex doesn't realise as easily as the rest of us!

She's a genuine poster..

HulaDeHoop · 23/02/2012 23:41

MyLittleMiracle. With all due respect, MN is NOT somewhere you can brain dump all of this if you have an ex who is stalking you.

In a matter of minutes I have been able to find out all kinds of information about you. I haven't done this out of malice towards you but having read this thread earlier today, and it mentioning your EXH, I thought I would spend 10 minutes searching, so that I could say to you - if I can do it, anyone can.

I would strongly suggest that you get your historical posts deleted by MN (if you are worried about your EXH) as you are utterly and copletely 'visible' on the internet. You have revealed way too much.

Please do act accordingly and once that is done, stop posting RL names and nicknames!!

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 24/02/2012 07:35

I found out where he got the information from, facebook, and before anyone says, yes my account has been deactivated!! Got msn now, with completely stupid/random/annonymous email. No one would work out it was me!!Unless of course i told them, which is obviosuly only close close friends who i know to trust. Which means my msn consists of three people!!!! God damned facebook is the work of the devil and i am honestly glad to be rid of it!

OP posts:
Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 24/02/2012 07:37

PS I didnt see how i could make msn any safer! And a friend who is in south africa can still contact me! Which is much better and really the only reason i had facebook in the first place!

OP posts:
Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 24/02/2012 07:45

I have messages MNHQ and hope they can do that.

I will of course let you know how it works out with housing.....but not id myself any further. Hopefully you will know where i go to. You will hopefully be able to work it out!!

I wont name change me thinks, i will stay as me, but give little or no info. ie council will/will not house me! Or post on others threads ie the water one, which made me laugh!!

OP posts:
CreepyWeeBrackets · 24/02/2012 20:25

Any chance you could get that post naming the exact country your friend overseas is living in deleted? That's the sort of thing we have been talking about.

Well good luck, OP - do let us know (in broad terms Grin) how you get on. All the best.

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 24/02/2012 21:34

South africa is a little big and he never knew her, we lost contact before me and ex even met!

OP posts:
Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 24/02/2012 21:36

Got divorce petition through today, sign send back and then he'll get it (doesnt give too much away does it)

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 25/02/2012 14:08

OP Hi, I was on ADs for a while myself. I found that they changed my personality a bit in that I didn't really worry about money and spending, and perhaps didn't edit the things I said as well as before, I didn't seem to notice when I was full up and would just eat and eat, and generally didn't worry about things as much (which has a downside!). I had been warned about these things by the dr before I started taking them, apparently a common side affect.

For me it was a little bit like being drunk and so I did the sorts of things you might do after a couple of drinks.

The results of this were that I got into debt, I started a new venture which was fun but cost me loads of money. I offended people by having a lose tongue and also told other people really private things about myself. I ate until I put on 1.5 stone and also tooks risks as my risk assessment radar wasn't functioning properly.

Just wondered if any of this rings bells?

hellokittyrules · 25/02/2012 17:45

gluestick - i can relate to those things especially the spending
and i have been on ads a while

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 25/02/2012 18:44

I sometimes do feel a little care free but i am not sure its the anti depressants. I suppose its nice to be able to look at a top and not think, oh will that show too much, will he be nasty about it, will i get shit when i get in and aggression for spending it?? It feels good not to be scared any more. I am getting out od debt except the overdraft cos he'll just eat straight into it again, and then say the money was a gift or something or money iowed him/his mum whatever, so i want that sorted via a solicitor. I just see things now and find me wanting to buy them cos it feels nice to know, when i look in my purse i know what i ahve got....i am not going back toa pub to be told he owes 100pounds plus for drugs. I know what i have got, so i know we have food and all our needs. I suppose it was selfish to even think about spending that sort of money! Maybe if it had been £5 i wouldnt have gotten slaughtered!!
I have put on weight and been eating stupidly, hence the gym membership (thanks to my lovely doctor). And i am more open with people about what has happened to me, but then again maybe its good to talk. No one warned me about the side effects though and i am trying not to take them.

And on the upside at least i didnt spend the money. It still sitting in my cash box indoors, which has two good reasons, 1. i cant get it out the bank when out 2. its not in the bank for ex to be able to see and try to claim half of! Stupid i know but less complicated.

OP posts:
mysteryfairy · 25/02/2012 19:10

If you tell the bank your joint account is in dispute they should freeze it so your ex partner can't incur any more debt for which you are liable.

You could try and open a basic bank account in your sole name.

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 25/02/2012 19:36

I have an account in my own name, and he cant extend the overdraft further, i am also not sure i am entitled to pay it off as it was a debt he had incurred before i was put onto the account. The bank are aware and will not extend the overdraft, but he still has access to it all and is at the limit of it (being joint i still get statements).

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 26/02/2012 08:51

It has annoyed me a tad, this thread.

Somewhere way up there someone commented on your behaviour or said you sounded weird or something, and all i could think was "of course she's sounding a bit weird, she's on personality changing drugs.

Others have said that you keep insisting on buying the top. I've been back through all your messages though and right from the beginning you knew you shouldn't really buy it, have been very accepting of all the messages and haven't tried to justify getting it and have not argued with those saying you shouldn't.

For those reasons i don't understand why you've had such a flaming. I find it a rather harsh way to behave towards someone with pnd.

Yes i think if you had said it was a five pound top you would have got a very different response.

I also didn't mean to make it sound like you shouldn't be on the ads. If you need them then don't feel bad about the fact you are on medication. For me i felt as though they saved my life.

hellokittyrules · 26/02/2012 09:43

agree glue

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 26/02/2012 09:53

I know i have to have them, i was at the point and please no one criticise me that i just wanted me and my baby dead. I felt he would be better off without me. I got to this point and worse, all i could do was cry uncontrollably, and ended up at the doctors despite it being a training afternoon seeing a doctor and being put into respite care. I know i need them, and i feel better for being on them. I have found someone locally who is also on anti depressants but for a different reason and we have clicked!

And there is some good news....hopefully fingers crossed i will be viewing a property on tuesday night to move into!!!! And they will take the rent deposit scheme and are leaving the white goods for me they dont mind kids or animals!! So excited!!!! So I am glad i didnt buy that top now! Hopefully things will start going well!! I feel right now on top of the world and just hope i dont come down to earth with a smash!

I think some on here were harsh, especially about the gym! I am trying to get myself better! I mean what would they rather? I sit back on my arse, on benefits the rest of my life, costing money and taking tablets, or get up and out there, make myself better, and get a job! Really feels like you cant win!

Thank you to all those who have been gentle about saying that i shouldnt get it!

OP posts:
hellokittyrules · 26/02/2012 12:57

hi miracle - thats great news
certainly harsh comments on here you are doing really well

LilacWaltz · 26/02/2012 13:06

By the time you are sorted that top might be in the sale!!Grin

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 26/02/2012 14:32

OP you are still posting quite a lot of info about yourself. You need to remember that this is the internet and that although people on this site are happy to talk and give advice, they are not 'friends'.

The detailed info about your divorce and housing (eg when you are going to view houses, and personal issues with your ex) are all things to talk about with your family and friends, not things that need to be posted on the internet - especially as you have worries about your ex finding you.

There is support out there (eg CAB, shelter etc which you have already started to access) who you can share all these things with.

Getting your life back on track takes time and you seem to be making progress, and saving money can be slow and bring you down - especially when you see others around you with SO much, but you have to keep going with it. Set a picture of where you would like to be in a years time and just aim for that.

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 26/02/2012 23:22

At least i am thinking a bit more, before i would have said what time, where, where abouts, what its like, how many bedrooms, what buses i can get, how long the walk etc etc. Now its just a viewing on tuesday evening, much less desciptive!

OP posts:
StateofConfusion · 26/02/2012 23:48

This is the worst thread I've seen in a long time on here.

I spent 6mnths homeless, with no family looking after me, luckily I reproduced with someone loyal and loving who worked his arse off to drag us out of the mess we were in.

Were young and you just make the rest of 'us' who've fell on hard times and/or are young look horrendous.

Are you sure your mature enough to be housed?

GlueSticksEverywhere · 27/02/2012 08:10

I couldnt believe those ripping into you for getting a gym membership . . . some people just seem to hate it if anyone on here gets anything for free. Even if its been prescribed by a dr (its not as though youre stealing it op although some on here have talked as though you are) and its greatly needed.

I am actually really disgusted by the response youve had on here. Some posters should be disgusted at themselves for the way they have treated a vulnerable person. There has been such a lack of empathy and understanding.

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 27/02/2012 09:01

I felt quite angry over the gym actually to be honest. I mean what would they rather, i get twelve weeks, start feeling better, get off medication, do a course and get a job, or sit on my arse, getting more depressed, taking more tablet so costing the nhs more and sit and do nothing on benefits for the rest of my life? I really felt on that one i couldnt win! The gym tothe public is onlt twenty pounds a month, so doctors probably get it for less, and when you think about it 12 weeks is 60pounds which is probably the cost of seeing a psychiatrist ONCE! And they would have ripped into me even more if i had been paying for the gym!

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 27/02/2012 10:20

Youre right you couldnt win Angry

Some posters just dont think these things through or dont have the ability. All they see is someone getting something for free. Perhaps there is a certain amount of jealousy, although i am sure they would deny that!

Disgusting.

I am surprised you didnt turn off mn and never come back. I wouldnt have blamed you.

hellokittyrules · 27/02/2012 13:03

with you glue us 3 will stick together no pun intended Wink