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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Well i am not sure and its very trivial and probably shows how money conscious, and insecure i am BUT

336 replies

MyLittleMiracle · 22/02/2012 20:30

I saw a nice top whilst out today, and i do like it alot, but i would also want a white pair of jeans to go with them. I like the top a lot, but i am not sure about paying £35 for it. I am trying to save for rent in advance and a deposit, but it looks like the council will have to house me. I am going for a family meal on sunday as well and have nothing to wear.

Is £35 a stupid amount to spend on a top? And should i just get a different colour to avoid buying a new pair of jeans?

Think i really need someone to say, no buy it for yourself...but doubt you will. Talk me into/ out of it please. So undecided!

OP posts:
RemainsOfTheDay · 23/02/2012 15:47

I want so much for this thread to be a windup :(

Otherwise it is so painfully clear where our society went wrong.

People too young to care for themselves having children. People who have no idea whatsoever how to budget properly. People who expect the state to provide them with gym membership/housing/money to spend on Mothers Day crap...

People who have been so mollycoddled by the state that they truly believe only having 3 bras is some sort of Dickensian hardship.

KirstiesHomeMadeCrap · 23/02/2012 16:36

I dont know what to say... wtf??!!

I just pray my dd will get me mum necklaces! well I am torn I love the ring too!!

ahh

aldiwhore · 23/02/2012 16:44

MyLittleMiracle get into Charity Shop shopping.... need made me, but now I don't need to I'm still hooked... like properly addicted.

I can spend £20 and come home loaded with bags of stuff, if FEELS like I've been shopping, my clothes aren't tatty and I don't look like a bag lady, once washed all the clothes look as new, most have labels (if you care) and I am always surprised how current a lot of the clothes are.

I bought a top recently for £1.50 that is still in NEXT for £30!!

I think life IS about saving and going without everything you desire, but its also about living, and if what you say is true, if that's really as little as you have, then I think buying a couple of tops isn't the greatest crime... but buy wisely, buy cheap, be canny.

Saving and getting a bargain is as addictive as buying into the 'gotta have it' culture, but it saves you a fortune... GOOD LUCK. I'm not going to bitch at you, you're a product of a consumerist society and its not completely your faul, you do have a choice though.

quirrelquarrel · 23/02/2012 16:49

Money conscious? Think my mum's spent less than that on tops for the last 15 years!
You wonder how people rack up debt and how people on a liveable salary can be in such trouble, but you don't bargain for this completely inflated way of thinking...

LineRunner · 23/02/2012 16:51

I do agree about the Charity Shopping. My bedroom curtains are from the local hospice shop - they were good as new, clean, pressed, fresh smelling. I had never seen the funky design anywhere else, and they only cost a few pounds.

I recycled the old curtains in a textiles bank as the cats had ripped them to shreds.

My local Bernardos shop in particular has some lovely stuff at very cheap prices, all in great condition and very nicely displayed.

BelinaTheChicken · 23/02/2012 17:14

Confused, melon and stump?

I only have 1 bra that fits atm, and I handwash it every night and dry on the radiator, cos, despite being to most fucking ugly bra in the world, it is the only nursing bra that makes me look like I have 2 breasts.

hellokittyrules · 23/02/2012 18:03

whats wrong with wearing a bra for 3 days [hmmm]
i do

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 23/02/2012 18:05

BIDDYSMAMA they offered me a space in a refuge but spoke to mum and she stated i was able to stay here purely on a temporary basis and made it clear it was only temporary I felt, that living with mum, where i feel loved and wanted, and not in a b and b which can change constantly would be less stressful and a LOT MORE STABLE for my little one.

I am going to apply for a community care grant and budgeting loan when i get somewhere, but waiting for the council to come back. They have argued its safe for me to return, because he says he doesnt plan on retuirning to our old tenancy which is in joint names, because he is apparently living with his mum. However they have a very rocky relaionship and she didnt even come to the wedding, or have any contact for five years, despire knowing we had miscarried, so they are really not close.And i know he would just assume rights to the tenancy and be keeping track of me. He still has plenty of friends there to do so.

They originally basically said they didnt believe there was domestic violence. and i think they are just trying to find a way of getting out of housing me. So complex. I was told you just have to keep on perservering with them....on and on.

Yes i am (now) on benefits and saving everything i can. Okay i buy shower gel not soap, but i buy cheap shampo and conditioner, and dont moisturiser. I use hairbands from primarks, which are 1 pound a pack. The money doesnt seem to stretch very far but i am managing to save, and have paid of debts as well, I was tempted, but we all have those moments of temptation dont we?

Everyone from time to time wants to spend money on themselves. I am going to do my hair nice, but time costs nothing!!

OP posts:
hellokittyrules · 23/02/2012 18:11

hi miracle -

u have done so well under the circumstances Grin
splitting up from partner,having pnd, being single mum , having housing problems!!
well done on all the saving !! u have done really well paying of debts too
it is a great feeling spending money on yourself
x

TheLightPassenger · 23/02/2012 18:16

I appreciate there's backstory etc that I am mostly unaware of, and buying a £35 top doesn't sound sensible, but some of the comments about number of bras and NHS gym funding are v. harsh. Compared to the cost of psychiatrist/psychologist/counsellor appointments, ?sixty quid for twelve weeks gym visits is a bargain.

elizadoulalittle · 23/02/2012 18:27

Do you get paid to go on jeremy kyle?

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 23/02/2012 18:32

Nope, you dont get paid on jeremy kyle. Did think of selling a kidney, but thought it was morally wrong.....but any offers??? Would it be worth a tenancy? Probably not, too full of drugs (legal kind)

OP posts:
LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 23/02/2012 18:35

Op I think it is time to step away now and focus on real life and tge support you are getting their. If you need more then you need to ask but this thread isn't going to do you any good.

LineRunner · 23/02/2012 19:08

It's not up to council employees to believe or disbelieve the DV you have suffered. They have to accept the reports from other professionals in your life, as well as have regard to your own account. If not, please complain about them.

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 23/02/2012 20:12

They are now seeming to start but that was the reason they gave for not accepting me as homeless, or actually no it was not, they said basically that although you meet the criteria I do not feel it is unreasonable for you to return as the police have taken no further action (i didnt want them to) and they declined to comment whether it would be unsafe for you to return.....

I mentioned it to my divorce solicitor and she said that you just had to keep pushing them, which shelter are doing for me. And gaining more evidence. There are social services records that show DV, and health visitor reports etc, so it is definetly there.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 23/02/2012 20:14

Make sure that the council officers have all this in your file. They are not allowed to ignore it. Especially as you have a child.

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 23/02/2012 20:18

They have it all, my housing aid solicitor has been not only faxing it over, but posting it too! They are now re considering their decision and i should have heard on monday but i suppose if they were waiting on further info its not so bad, but was worried cos they got my address wrong last time, for teen number to 54! And there isnt even a 54 on this road either!

OP posts:
2ombie5layer · 23/02/2012 20:21

There are that many people needing and wanting council homes they have no choice but to make sure only the most deserving get one. They have to push you and really look into things thanks to a shortage of social housing.

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 23/02/2012 20:28

I know, but its frustrating to not be kept informed really! I am trying to push it. I have enough evidence now, they didnt really have before i suppose BUT they should have asked. Plenty of people have scamed the system and of course people do go back, even after being a victim of DV, and all that work they have done is down the drain for the council and time and money wasted!

OP posts:
MaryMungo · 23/02/2012 20:44

32G

FYP · 23/02/2012 21:49

Aside from wanting to see this top Grin ... OP have you been to the CAB? You would benefit from them exploring your financial circumstances and working out a debt repayment plan that you can afford. You might be paying debts that you aren't even liable for (in your exh name for eg) or even too much.

Original poster
MyLittleMiracle · 23/02/2012 22:16

Its only the overdraft left. I went to CAB as someone suggested. Those in joint names are joint responsibility! Which is only the overdraft, which will be sorted through the divorce, or maybe i will remove my name, or get my solicitor to??

Unfortunately, i have to pay half i think, but not the overdraft if i can get my name removed from the account!

OP posts:
RedGurnard · 23/02/2012 22:17

Ffs, stop giving out so much information to strangers on the internet!

LilacWaltz · 23/02/2012 22:23

Maybe time for another namechange?

QOD · 23/02/2012 22:28

Are you real? How old are you? It's like your thoughts are just plopping out igpf our head onto mumsnet