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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think these parents are irresponsible and possibly cruel

178 replies

ShagOBite · 20/02/2012 21:18

Inspired by a thread, which was inspired by another thread. (Don't worry MNHQ, no deletions or anything)

Why would you not teach your children to cook and clean? Surely even royalty need to know the basics? Why would you not teach such an important life skill?

AIBU to think it is irresponsible and possibly cruel?

OP posts:
PeppyNephrine · 21/02/2012 10:03

You don't know to clean a kitchen sink if no-ones told you? So a moderately intelligent person could look at their sink getting dirtier day after day, and not think to themselves "hmmm, I wonder why that is, I have no clue what to do about that. Perhaps I'll buy a new sink" ?
Really? If your children have that little sense about them, you've got bigger problems.

allnewtaketwo · 21/02/2012 10:05

Peppy that person would probably turn into the housemate from hell who gets moaned about because they never clean up. Similarly will have partner/wife at her wits end through his incompetence. They won't necessarily just decide one day to take action on a dirty sink. They've been brought up that someone else does it.

PeppyNephrine · 21/02/2012 10:07

Thats not lack of ability, thats laziness and lack of concern for others. And that kids parents have therefore failed to teach them far more important things that cleaning.

allnewtaketwo · 21/02/2012 10:10

So is not helping out occasionally ok at 17 but lazy at 18?

Laquitar · 21/02/2012 10:11

I could cook, clean and look after babies since i was at Primary school.
I cannot bake. I don't have the confidence, i think the later you leave it learning a skill the harder it is.

Our children will have to work as students and its not as if an office or a shop job is waiting there for every 18yo. So they better be capable to work in kitchens, pubs, hotels, housekeeping, nannying. Volunteering abroad also requires basic life skills ditto travelling around the world.

PeppyNephrine · 21/02/2012 10:12

What are you talking about? My 4 year old helps out, but thats not the point I made at all. I said nothing about when or how teens should clean up, merely that the actual job of cleaning is not something you need proper lessons in.

OneLittleBabyGirl · 21/02/2012 10:12

The basics on peeling potatoes etc, you can easily found out how to do it via the telly. There's even youtube now. I learned cooking when I wanted to do it, and I love cooking now. I watched lots of tv chef shows. I'm sure you don't need anything other than seeing someone peel veg and cut up an onion to figure out how to do it! My DH grew up with a mum who teaches him how to do housework etc, and he has no idea how to peel a mango or a pineapple. (I do however as we do peel fruits to eat ourselves). It doesn't stop him learning how to do it later in life.

Oh, actually, we have a real youtube teaching your lifeskill story. DH is from NZ and me from HK/NZ. Neither of us have ever had a central heating/radiator in our life. We figured out how to remove one from the wall from various youtube videos. (When we needed to paint the nursery). I learned how to make curtains too via youtube, but that's easier.

Bonsoir I don't know what an underslip is either. Maybe you'll think my house is deeply grotty. I don't like cleaning, and I don't iron sheets or any of my clothes. But I know we don't have dust and mould as far as I can see. We got a cleaner now after we have a baby. But I still can see an oven is dirty or not.

ohbugrit · 21/02/2012 10:12

It's not cruel but it's a bit crap.

Mum wouldn't let us leave home until we could make basic cheap soups, stews, cook veg properly and roast a chicken. Saved us all a fortune and better for our health too.

We now all cook for pleasure. I am astonished by the number of adults I know who can't cook anything beyond convenience food. We were invited to dinner recently because our hosts wanted to reciprocate after a meal with us and they had proudly microwaved supermarket ready meals! These people are in their forties so I seriously doubt their DC can cook. It's sad.

D0oinMeCleanin · 21/02/2012 10:13

DH is like this. He notices mess he just does not have the instinct to actually get up and do something about it. When he does he generally spends more time wandering around aimlessly, scratching his arse. It's not that he doesn't know how to go and get a bin liner and locate rubbish, it's that no-one ever expected him to do it and so anything more than wiping down an already cleared table overwhelms him and he doesn't know where to start.

Things that are common sense to you and I such as hoovering the stairs top to bottom rather than bottom to top or dusting and washing off surfaces before sweeping a floor don't occur to him. He also makes silly remarks when asked about cleaning such as "But I only washed up two days ago"

lesley33 · 21/02/2012 10:13

Okay peppy then I am thick. But it took a long time for it to occur to me that I should clean the kitchen sink. Kitchen sinks don't get that dirty.

allnewtaketwo · 21/02/2012 10:15

So, you are actually teaching your 4yo to learn to do basic stuff, and to learn that everybody in a household plays a part in this. That's great imo.

My point the whole thread is that if you don't instill this attitude, then that will have negative repercussions. Not that you actually need lessons to carry out that task (although my example of my DSS and the bean can clearly exhibits otherwise!)

PeppyNephrine · 21/02/2012 10:17

I am, yes, but no-one ever taught me, and I picked it up as I went along. Which anyone with a modicum of common sense and a bit of pride can manage, and these are the attitudes that you need to instil.

OneLittleBabyGirl · 21/02/2012 10:17

D0oinMeCleanin ok, I do my stairs bottom to top. But we would never have been taught it because most NZ houses are one storey anyway. (Actually I can't see the difference that I do it bottom to top honestly).

lesley33 · 21/02/2012 10:18

You see I think you do need very basic lessons. And I think this only becomes clear if you have never been taught to do anything yourself or you come across someone who has never been taught to do anything. This isn't the same as regularly helping out, although I think personally that is a good habit for kids.

lesley33 · 21/02/2012 10:18

peppy - I suspect you learned the absolute basics from watching a parent do it?

D0oinMeCleanin · 21/02/2012 10:19

If you go bottom to top while you are doing the top step you are knocking off crumbs and dust which will fall to the bottom and stay there. If you the other way you are hoovering what you knock off the steps as you go down.

seaweedhead · 21/02/2012 10:21

Children don't especially need to be taught how to clean but they do need to be taught that it is as much their responsibility as anyone else's.

I think cooking does require a person to learn some basic skills - like how not to poison yourself.

mrsnesbit · 21/02/2012 10:22

my neice has just gone to uni away from home and is completely and utterly lost as her mum did absolutely evrything for her..everything.

She isnt coping at all. doesnt know how to do laundry, make basic foods, she cant even make a dentist appointment and has never been to the Dr on her own..she is 18.
This has defo come back to bite my sister on the arse. Tearful phone calls from niece every day.

allnewtaketwo · 21/02/2012 10:23

mrsnesbit - this is exactly what would happen to my DSS1..except that his mother has told him he has to live with her all through university.

OneLittleBabyGirl · 21/02/2012 10:24

Well D0oinMeCleanin I have to disagree in that, if I do bottom to top, I will never step on a dirty step.

I think they way you were taught is the way your family does it. The other way is just perfectly fine too.

See http://www.wikihow.com/Vacuum-Stairs. There are others who do it bottom to top.

PeppyNephrine · 21/02/2012 10:26

Not knowing those things is a problem. But not having enough cop-on to work it out for herself is a bigger problem.
You don't know how to do your laundry? Ask someone, read the instructions, look it up online (you can find instructions to wipe your arse online). Don't cry down the phone to your mammy every day.

Illustrates my point entirely.

OneLittleBabyGirl · 21/02/2012 10:26

Or even better a video http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-vacuum-stairs-perfectly

D0oinMeCleanin · 21/02/2012 10:26

But stepping on a step you've just cleaned before you've even finished cleaning makes less sense Confused

[nuerotic]

allnewtaketwo · 21/02/2012 10:28

But sometimes the sort of mother who hasn't encouraged children to learn basic skills is the sort of mother who feeds her own need to be needed by preventing children from becoming independent. The 2 problems are very often linked. For the children of such parents, the problem is therefore that which mrsnesbit describes - an inability to learn to think for oneself.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 21/02/2012 10:29

Children need to grow up knowing that they have many sorts of responsibilities, and all need attending to. Knowing how to prioritise is a truly useful skill.

Totally agree with that.