to think these parents are irresponsible and possibly cruel

[ShagOBite]

Inspired by a thread, which was inspired by another thread. (Don't worry MNHQ, no deletions or anything)

Why would you not teach your children to cook and clean? Surely even royalty need to know the basics? Why would you not teach such an important life skill?

AIBU to think it is irresponsible and possibly cruel?

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=dirty+nappy+cake&hl=en&safe=off&biw=1366&bih=610&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=QqxUj3CKP_dYXM:&imgrefurl=crumbstt.blogspot.com/&docid=9z4ztKdeNb1XaM&imgurl=3.bp.blogspot.com/_QeTOHatmM44/SwayoP8qHbI/AAAAAAAAALY/vw4TdoSxxCo/s1600/diaper.jpg&w=604&h=453&ei=Rb1CT8eLH4eo0QWfpOWODw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=293&sig=108956551169566641100&page=2&tbnh=121&tbnw=162&start=24&ndsp=30&ved=0CLcBEK0DMBs&tx=80&ty=66" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dirty nappy in the bun here!

I think dodging a vacuum cleaner for 40 years is a pretty good life skill tbh

My mum didn't teach me. She cooked and we had a cleaner. I figured it out once I left home. So I would disagree with the cruel and irresponsible part.

I think it certainly helps to teach children basic housekeeping skills, and boys and girls definitely need to know that they are both equally capable of and responsible for all such tasks.

The only time I'd cry irresponsibility and cruelty if a family (mother) taught a daughter to keep house and a son to expect a woman to do it for him.

My dmil thought that she was protecting her dcs by not teaching them how to do these things. She did it all herself and thought she was leaving them to have a childhood. All they saw was her constantly cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing and totally ignoring them.

Dh left home and was taught by the others in his flat at university but was about it.

Dsil stayed at home fore AGES and can't cook or clean effectively yet, years later, and is annoyed about it. Her dmum hardly ever comes to her flat and won't take her coat off or sit down when she does.

Their mum is a cleaner by trade as well

It is not good parenting not to give your dcs life skills. Cooking and cleaning are life skills and a little bit of guidance early in life saves a lot of blushes later in life.

My dmum used to get me involved when I was off on holiday or at weekends or in the evening. We would chat and do it at the same time which meant it was done quicker and we had more time to do other stuff together and also that I learnt along the way.

My only issue with her method was that my dbro was not party to this upbringing because he is a BOY and therefore left home unable to do anything for himself and feeling really about it.

Please everyone, teach your dcs how to look after themselves!!

But the idiot who put the pizza with the plastic cover in the oven, presumably learned from that and never did it again.

If you are capable of learning, you will learn to cook (or clean). You will make mistakes, you will look like an arse in front of your friends, but you will learn.

At a certain stage actually, children do become responsible for their own behaviour. If that dick hadn't actually put a pizza in the oven until he left home, then you can blame his parents for infantilising him, but at 14, 15 etc., he has some responsibility for never initiating that learning process himself. I asked my mother how to cook stuff and when she didn't know, I asked other people and borrowed my friends' mothers' cookery books. If he'd been such a lazy fuck that he'd never bothered to do that, then sorry, he deserved to look an arse.

My mum never specifically taught me how to cook or clean. I helped sometimes when she cooked, never voluntarily cleaned though! I still know how to wash up and mop the floors etc.

I'm not saying it's ideal not to teach DC's life-skills btw. I'm teaching both my DC's cooking, cleaning etc.

I just don't think it's cruel or irresponsible not to. Just a bit stupid really, unless you live in the upstairs bit of Downton Abbey or its ilk.

You can play "Cinderella"... You sit on the sofa being the wicked stepmother while DC is Cinderella and does the dusting, vacuuming, etc. DD's (4) idea although I suspect she'll twig why I'm so keen to play shortly.

It's not cruel because they can teach themselves or at least read the cooking instructions...and cleaning is self explanatory.

It is ridiculous though, not to teach life skills to your kids.

I also think there are a ridiculous amount of young women and men out there, driving around and yet their parents have never taught them how to change a tyre or check the oil in their cars.

Another basic skill if you're going to drive.

That's a good point Basil.

Or how to manage a budget.

Or basic home maintenance (lightbulbs etc).

And so the list goes on. We can't leave all of this for the schools and our dcs will find life a lot easier and be more confident if they are not mortified because they have no clue where to start.

Worra my DH doesn't even know where petrol goes (or what flavour of petrol our car uses) Passed test but never drives.

What was his mother thinking

Eww shagobite, I can't think of a cake I'd like to eat less, which is saying something given the amount of cake I can put away :)

MIL drilled like scary 1950s Stepford Major taught her daughters how to cook and clean to her bizarre and convoluted standards. Whilst her sons sat around doing sweet FA. I will not even entertain it for DSs, they will equally pull their weight.

For example when I first offered to do the washing up, SIL came running over and said "don't let mum see you do it like that, you must do it like this" and proceeded to instruct me on how one ought properly wash up. because I haven't managed to do it for the past 30 years and my slattern mother didn't teach me properly!

Not cruel, I have learned more cooking skills since leaving home < mum wasn't a good cook>

YY to home and car maintenance, also the importance of a good credit history, good character, financial responsibility.

Of course it's not cruel. My two little GS want to cook. I have often done some cooking (for dinner) or baking and they have drawn up a chair each side of me, squashing my arms in, watching what I'm doing and wanting to 'help'.

Last year I had a 4 year old wanting to make a pizza and he did - from scratch - with supervision. He loved the mess he'd made because "I made a pizza, Mummy!!"

Cruel is a bit of an over exaggeration, but YANBU.

My dh didn't know how to do anything house related until he met me, and I mean anything. He was quite embarrased about it, and it was clearly not good for him to live on toast, sandwiches and ready meals for years. Now he is very efficient, but I shouldn't have had to show him.

The only thing my Mum ever taught me was how to put a double duvet cover on, and even that was only because I was interested! I left home at 17 though and managed to work it all out for myself.

I can remember doing some badge at girl guides and feeling very embarrased because I didn't know how to make a cup of tea. We never drank tea in our house!

On the other hand, my ex knew how to do everything and more. I found it quite a turn off to have a 50's housewife for a boyfriend.

no-one taught me to cook or clean. I was taught how to read and I learnt to cook by using recipe books and reading how to make the dishes. Cleaning I think I probably knew how to clean by observation of others around me at home, school, friends houses where people cleaned and I watched.

i don't consider this was in anyway cruel not to teach me to cook or clean in fact I am happy that I wasn't spoon feed every task in life as It is rather more pleasing to learn things for yourself than be taught every single thing

Yanbu, surely they are life skills that need to be tought as much as anything else?

I was tought to cook the basics from scratch, how to do laundry, clean windows without streaking etc.

I was also tought how to change a plug, hang wallpaper, sew etc.

Dm saw it as part of raising 3 girls that we knew how to do most things around the home and to be independent.
We are raising our dc to be the same, although I have to teach dp things before he can teach the dc!
My dp was pandered to by his dm and has had to be tought, not only how, but also how often things need to be done.

It's good to get in the habit of doing things around the house while dc are young so it's not a battle for their poor dps in the future!

Cruel is a bit extreme but I agree in principle. The purpose of parenting is to produce responsible adults and that includes making sure that they can look after themselves, their house and property. To my mind parents who do everything for their children infantilise them and it's largely for themselves, they enjoy the martyrdom and are not thinking about their children as adults.

And sure you can learntp to do it later, but isn't it better to learn from people who love you and save you all the hazards and wasted effort of setting pizzas on fire and scrubbing dry bashes?

Oh yeah, of course it's got to be age appropriate and I agree about other taks like changing plugs, maintaining a car etc.

Not really cruel, but certainly not helpful.

Anyone can learn to cook and clean, but when you are getting small kids to do simple chores you are not just teaching them the skill. You are also teaching them about cooperation, responsibility, where food comes from and where waste goes to, and that gender roles are not set in stone!

My mum used to say'go and read a book it will do you more good' consequently I am a useless housewife though I love to cook.Fortunately 'reading books' allowed me to have a job where I could afford a cleaner to do the housework so I dont think my parents were cruel at all.

Children should have chores; parents should have expectations of their children, that they are part of the household and therefore should do what they can to help run it, age appropriate of course. Rights go hand in hand with responsibilities.

My sFIL believes that anything to do with children or house is women's work, threw out an agency male cleaner because he was male (after following him around asking "why are you doing this? It's women's work" ). Unsurprisingly, that particular cleaner refused to go back. My sFIL is proud that he can't cook, wash up and doesn't know how to use the washing machine. Unfortunate, MIL is completely gaga and can't act as his unpaid skivvy any longer.

We should all make the effort to ensure our sons don't grow up like that. (Luckily, I have a dd )

I take my protesting DS to Sainsbo on occasion to help me shop.
I always tell him that I don't want my DIL to send him back, proclaiming him to be un-housetrained.

He's but sees the sense because I buy his favourite biscuits