to show I am asexual by wearing a black ring?

[asiatic]

Lots of asexuals wear a black ring on their right middle finger. I'm thinking of getting one. What do you thinK? Have you ever seen anyone wearing one? How would you respond to a policeman, or bus driver or teacher advertising that they are asexual? I'm thinking it might be a helpful message to avoid misunderstandings, or is it something you don't really want to know about a stranger? Would it influence your perception of other aspects of them?

Some horrid narrow minded replies on this thread, I hope they have not upset the OP.

I do not think the black ring will help you with the problem you refer to because most people will not know what it means. However that does not mean that you should not wear one as a means of identity or to start a conversation with the people you meet.

MooncupandPizza I wiki'ed it right after I replied. My point was I didn't know until about 20 mins ago and would have remained ignorant had I not happened upon this thread. Meaning, it's not as common as one may think.

Ah, ok Tinsie, yes, it's funny the things you assume 'everybody' knows just 'cause you've known it for ages or it's so significant to you.

gosh, people are being very hostile and snarky on this thread. I did not know much (anything) about asexuality before a few threads on MN. Thinking about what you have said, I appreciate your problem OP. I started reading the thread thinking 'what's the point of a ring' but now I think it is a good idea. As you say, it is making a bit more of a statement about what you are, which may help your platonic friends recognise it as an integral part of your personality.

plenty of gay people have wanted their sexuality to be recognised as a 'fact' about them, particularly before being gay was so openly accepted (and it still isn't everywhere) so why shouldn't asexuals. It is a different thing from not being interested in a particular person, and therefore I understand you don't just want to inform individuals after misunderstandings have happened.

Wear it if you want to, explain if you want to. :)

"omg why are you advertising your sexuality i'm straight i don't"

Maybe because the aware is aware that straight people exist.

*the world is aware

Why do you turn down approaches with "Sorry, I'm asexual"? Why the need to let everyone and his dog know? A simple no thanks would probably suffice, you know. Just seems like extreme over sharing to me, most people really wouldn't give a monkey's.

plenty of gay people have wanted their sexuality to be recognised as a 'fact' about them

I do think if your sexuality is one of the most interesting things about you, you should get out a bit more.

No one will know what the ring means apart from other asexuals and people who have read this thread. Even now if I saw someone wearing a black ring I would think they were just wearing a black ring.

And if you do have to turn someone down, you don't need to tell the its becasue you are asexual. Just tell them you are not interested. It works fine for most people. I don't say "No, because I am married" or "No because you have cheesy feet". I just say no. A reason or explanation is not required.

If you feel the need to have your asexuality recognised by society fair enough, but there are probably better ways to do that than by wearing a mysterious ring and pretending its to "avoid misunderstandings".

Hang on. I don't think that the majority of people on here who are making amused and jokey replies (me included last night) ARE having a go at the OP's asexuality. I certainly wasn't. That wasn't the funny thing at all.

It's the irony of the entire situation. The OP wants to find a way to let people who are not asexual know that she is, thus avoiding awkwardness with friends etc. But the symbolism for this - the black ring - is generally totally unfamiliar to the non-asexual population. Ironically, the only people who are likely to know what her symbol means are the very people who by definition she isn't going to have a problem with. That is funny! It would also be funny if the OP were trying to find e.g. people who ONLY spoke German to have a conversation with, so she carried a little sign WRITTEN IN ENGLISH saying 'German monolinguists this way.' Err, not brilliant example, but do you see why that's funny (in a Fawlty Towers kind of way)?

THAT was why I was laughing and I suspect several other people too. Then it all got silly with making plants have sex and taxi drivers wearing black rings and the heteronormative masses wandering around not having a clue what's going on and trying to remember which hanky meant what in the 80s.

Apologise in advance if indeed none of that is funny AT ALL and comes across as 'sneering'. It wasn't meant to!!!

TheGrunch, very good explanation. That is why this has also amused me so, yet I do see the dilemma.

asiatic sorry, but I dont think anybody will get the meaning of the ring. I think you might have to design your own t shirt range saying stuff like

"I am asexual.
I have NO interest in you
other than friendships"

"I love my friends.
I never shag
not even a fly"

"Not coming on to you
honest guv!"

etc

i've not really heard of this being A Sexual before. Does it mean that you're not interested in sex and don't have the urges - or is it like taking an oath of abstinance, like for religious reasons or something?

You know, I have a friend, she is in her fourties. She has no children, no boyfriend, no girlfriend. I have never questioned this, I have never wondered about her sexual orientation or lack thereof. I would never assume that she was interested in me just because she shows no interest in anybody else.

Does this mean I can't wear my lovely black glass ring on my right middle finger any more, which is how I would normally wear it?

Cos I'm hetrosexual you see.

TheCrunch. Thats what got me too, that and the fact that it seemed to scream attention seeking. I did not take the piss out of her sexuality, and I havent seen anyone else do that either.

I think that SGB owes us "Bucketheads" an apology.

I genuinely wonder why anyone feels it necessary to disclose their sexuality at the point of introduction? Only I've never assumed that someone I've just shaken hands with is about to jump my bones. Regardless of their gender.

Do u mean uhavnt got bits or u just don't want to use them?

Bogey - but surely the absolutely stellar 'Heteronormative Mundane Bucketheads' description was so amazing that it completely outweighs anything else and does away with the need for any apology. I hope I didn't offend SGB but was sniggering to myself this morning that next time I pass H&M I'm almost certainly going to be thinking, 'Yes, Heteronormative & Mundane - didn't think that one through did you guys'

all those posters on the walls at college.....

'i'm gay, get used to it'

i wanna shout

'youre gay, i dont care'

same goes for your ring.

unless you are in a relationship with me, i dont care what you do... why would I?

SGB will you make up some Heteronormative Mundane badges please? Please? Brilliant turn of phrase

"Heteronormative Mundane and Proud"

"Do u mean uhavnt got bits or u just don't want to use them?"

Why do I find this hilarious? Probably the txt spk. But I can clearly see a market for a badge that says "havbitz dont use them".

Some people become asexual, others have it thrust upon them

Ok, at the risk at sounding like my gran, and without wanting to offend...

Asexual - not interested in sex, with anyone. Ever. What if you met someone you liked? Or do you know you wouldn't ever feel that?

Pansexual : How is that different from bisexual?

I think Pansexual means you'll do animals too