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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to show I am asexual by wearing a black ring?

475 replies

asiatic · 16/02/2012 19:03

Lots of asexuals wear a black ring on their right middle finger. I'm thinking of getting one. What do you thinK? Have you ever seen anyone wearing one? How would you respond to a policeman, or bus driver or teacher advertising that they are asexual? I'm thinking it might be a helpful message to avoid misunderstandings, or is it something you don't really want to know about a stranger? Would it influence your perception of other aspects of them?

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/01/2016 06:11

Haha - I didn't realise it was a Zombie thread to start with and was going to post something along the lines of "I vaguely remember something about the black ring thing, but wouldn't have remembered what it meant, when I saw a post that made me think "hang on" and CtrlF'd to find if I'd posted before - bingo! So the only reason I knew about the black ring at all was BECAUSE of this thread. Grin

No idea why anyone would have trawled through the millions of threads to resurrect this one though, that seems extraordinary Hmm

ZOMBIEZOMBIEZOMBIE!

WhatamessIgotinto · 05/01/2016 06:53

Ha ha ha I was confused there, scrolling down and seeing my old user name that I haven't used for about 3 years!

Fluffycloudland77 · 05/01/2016 07:18

Oh god, didn't care the first time I read this, don't care now.

They need to lock zombie threads off after a year.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 05/01/2016 08:01

i can see why one might wish to give off coded signals that they are gay, although there is less and less of a need or a justification for that these days, but who the fuck needs to know you are asexual? Confused

If someone comes on to me and I'm not interested I just politely disengage myself and try not to hurt their feelings (unless they are lecherous and creepy) at no point do I need to announce my reasons for just not fancying them - why on earth do you? Confused

This smacks of attention seeking to me and it makes you sound about 14 and very ernest and try hard.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 05/01/2016 08:04

Besides which, asexuals are pretty rare really and most people don't even know they exist as a thing never mind knowing about coded signals and black rings and whatnot, so really, WTF would be the point? People are still going to chat you up if they want to. In fact announcing you are asexual may mean that some people will see it as a challenge.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 05/01/2016 08:12

ZOMBIE THREAD

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/01/2016 08:16

erica so many questions...
Why did old school butchers have secret star tattoos?
Why do yoyou feel solidarity with them?
Do you think a pandora charm is the best way to show solidarity with old school butchers?
What does that all have to do with rotten teeth? I must know.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 05/01/2016 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeyondCBA · 05/01/2016 09:10

Hahaha, i remember this thread Grin

As an aside, my wedding ring could do with a clean - am i inadvertantly telling people i am asexual?!

TattyDevine · 05/01/2016 09:23

I see this is a zombie thread but OP you are getting some of the same comments a "homosexual" would have got about 60 years ago!

Just saw the comment about "hetroromantic asexual".

I believe my Aunt falls into this category!

She happens to have Aspergers syndrome as well, which I would imagine is completely unrelated (probably, anyway, as there are vast numbers of people with Aspergers who are straight, gay, bi, looking for a relationship, etc etc).

But whilst she has the ability to form romantic connections with men (who are typically completely unavailable - the married choir master, the married with 3 children friend of the family, etc etc) and can become a little obsessed with them, she'd run a mile if someone were to make an advance. She is 73 and a virgin and has never had a cervical smear test because they can't get a speculum up there Grin (I'm not taking the piss out of her btw, I just find it all rather hard to take in).

Hope everything is going well for you.

StickyProblem · 05/01/2016 09:27

Reminds me of the 80s when we had passionate debates about if you wore your ankle bracelet on the left ankle did that mean you were a prostitute. All that intellectual energy wasted!

KitKat1985 · 05/01/2016 09:29

Never heard of this, and I suspect not many others have either from the sounds of your replies so far. If nothing else like why on earth it would be necessary to inform random members of the public you are asexual there's not much point using a code that no-one understands.

KitKat1985 · 05/01/2016 09:30

Oh, it's a zombie thread. [Sighs and wanders off]

Collaborate · 05/01/2016 09:33

I know it's a zombie thread, but this whole concept puzzles me.

The only time I need to know someone's sexuality is if I want to sleep with them. Otherwise it's nothing to do with me.

One reason to advertise your sexuality is to make potential sexual partners aware. Obviously this isn't the case for an asexual person. I just don't see the point.

roundaboutthetown · 05/01/2016 10:42

It does seem bizarre. If someone doesn't believe your reassurances that you don't fancy them because you are asexual, I don't understand why a black ring would mean they stop doubting your word. Either they feel comfortable with your behaviour around them or they don't. If a ring doesn't change your behaviour, there is no reason to believe it should change their reaction to your behaviour. It's like expecting someone to trust a married man not to behave inappropriately towards them just because he's wearing a wedding ring, even though he's got his hand up their skirt at the time.

KakiFruit · 05/01/2016 13:03

Why was there so much venom towards the OP? Confused

roundtable · 05/01/2016 13:11

I read this thread not realising it was a zombie thread thinking, didn't we have a thread about this a couple of years ago?

I laughed when I read my comment highlighted from 2012. Apparently, we have had the thread before - exactly the same thread Grin

roundaboutthetown · 05/01/2016 13:13

The venom towards the OP was bizarre, I agree. There are ways of telling someone you don't think a ring would help them retain friendships and there are ways...

Destinysdaughter · 05/01/2016 13:20

Re the 'lizard brooch', there is a swingers' club called 'Chameleons' that sells these, supposedly to indicate to other swingers that you are of that persuasion. Never ever seen anyone wearing one!

Destinysdaughter · 05/01/2016 13:22

Didn't RTFT! Blush

Pangurban1 · 05/01/2016 14:20

I was thinking of getting a black onyx and silver ring. I imagine it doesn't signify anything other than being a nice piece of jewellery to most people. I have never heard of a piece of jewellery signifying that a person is asexual.

Is it that some is not interested in forming a relationship? I know a few of those.

UkmmTheSecond · 05/01/2016 14:38

New Years Resolutions For Myself.

  1. Check the fucking dates on the OP.

Was reading thinking I was smart and clever as I knew about the black rings, and was suprised others didn't as I'd actually learnt about them on a big thread on MN, I have read through the whole thread and saw the zombie alerts at the end and realised It's the same bloody thread Blush

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 05/01/2016 20:02

This thread doesn't make me laugh, it makes me worry that people have added (some, publicised via activism) groups to what they consider 'normal' and 'do not discriminate against' to their minds, rather than completely understanding prejudice and discrimination and mentally adjusting to 'do not discriminate'.

Realise it's a zombie thread.

How after four years to comprehend the OP and subsequent threads are people still posting responses to "how can I stop people coming on to me, as I'm asexual?" which was not the issue?

I think we have a long way to go to combat discrimination, and that the job is made harder by being veiled by people understanding that they ought not discriminate against certain groups. Even those groups now have a backlash to contend with.

Can I - sigh... ?

Roundles · 05/01/2016 20:28

Are you an asexual journalist?

Haven't rtft but

  1. wear what you like
  2. couldn't give a monkeys to any person of any professions preference
  3. have never heard of it as a thing :(
Tamponlady · 05/01/2016 21:21

Are you so sexy you need some, sort of a single lest so one try's to have sex with you Confused