to show I am asexual by wearing a black ring?

[asiatic]

Lots of asexuals wear a black ring on their right middle finger. I'm thinking of getting one. What do you thinK? Have you ever seen anyone wearing one? How would you respond to a policeman, or bus driver or teacher advertising that they are asexual? I'm thinking it might be a helpful message to avoid misunderstandings, or is it something you don't really want to know about a stranger? Would it influence your perception of other aspects of them?

No, it means that gender is not important at all. Whereas if you are bisexual you usually have a preference.

switchtvoff there must be some activities that you know you wouldn't like, even though you've never tried them?

Hmm, I don't fancy caving. Other than that I'd give most things a go . once.

Can I just say that everyone who has ever identified as asexual got bored of plant jokes a long time ago. They are not new.

This site is good for gaining a more detailed understanding of asexuality.

Essentially, asexuals are people who are happy to spend their lives without sex and without wanting a sexual partner. There are various shades. Really, I find it most helpful to think of sexuality as a spectrum. At one end are those who are not interested, have never been interested, have never had a orgasm, have never fancied anyone; at the other are people who are continually consumed with lust and up for it 100% of the time. Most people are somewhere in the middle and asexuals are towards the lower end - they might occasionally find someone attractive or feel like some sexual action but it's very much the exception rather than the rule.

As with homosexuality, the causes are not really known - I imagine that it's a mix of hormonal, genetic, social and psychological factors. Sexuality is a complex, fluid phenomenon and we don't actually understand that much about it... which is why we should respect other people's sexualities (well, apart from paedophiles and animal-shaggers of course) and not mock them.

I wouldn't do caving either. But I'd be even less keen to try bungee jumping. With or without my bits.

What is caving?

There's loads of things I wouldn't do

Although I have done stuff that would make many people's hair curl

OK so how about for people who are v straight - not wanting to have sex with a person of the same sex - you get that, yes? Same thing, but not wanting to have sex with either sex. Or anyone or anything. Just not getting sexual feelings or urges.

potholing my worse nightmare

What colour ring do you have to wear to raise awareness that you are into threesomes? I'd be most grateful thanks.

Really, honestly. Couldn't give a monkeys what people do in their bedroom.

I think its a little sad that people think their sexual preference is the biggest most defining thing about themselves and use it to form their entire entire around.

Not sure how it affects the ability of a policeman, bus driver or teacher to do their job...

As for limiting misunderstanding, I don't think its that hard to clock stuff like that, if you bother to do this fabulous thing called communicating to those nearest and dearest.

Utterly pointless and slightly pretentious tbh. And the same goes for purity rings...

entire identity*

The thing about communication is that, for it to be effective, all parties need to understand the language being spoken.

It's quite clear, from this thread, that the black-ring-means-asexual message would not be understood by most people. Perhaps that will change in the future, and everybody will know what it means. But at present, if the only people who would understand it would be other asexual people - i.e. the very people who wouldn't come on to you anyway - then the message will be lost.

That isn't your fault for being asexual, but nor is it anyone else's fault for having a sexual interest. By all means wear a ring that means anything you like - a private affirmation of identity, like some people have a tattoo with a personal significance. But expecting the general public to understand - or even to be interested - probably isn't going to work out for you.

I also think it's a bit disingenuous to claim that it's to avoid misunderstandings.

I'm not asexual. But, when it comes to the overwhelming majority of the people I meet, I might as well be, because I'm in a monogamous relationship. I have no sexual interest in my postman, my child's teacher, the woman in Sainsbury's... and if any of those people came on to me, I'd simply tell them that. End of misunderstanding.

I've never heard of it, but even if I had you don't need to advertise your sexuality do you? it wouldn't influence my opinion of you in any way. If I want to be friends with someone I don't discriminate over sexuality, skin colour, religion, size etc. Why would i?

"I think the sort of misunderstanding I've had problems with is not so much someone making advances to me, " no thanks, I'm asexual" works fine, but it is a problem when other people think I fancy them, it can ruin a friendship, and " no really, I AM asexual, HONEST" is often taken with some sceptisism. The worst is long standing female friends, who start to wonder if, because I have never indicated an interest in men, there is a likelihood I may be interested in them. This is hard, if they start to back off, but even harder if the start to signal that they may be open to a bit of experimentation! I just wonder if wearing the black ring means everything is up front and straight forward from the start"

OP: That doesn't say very much about your long-standing female friends does it? That's sad for you actually. If they're long-standing, then they should understand. I don't think that wearing a ring will cure/help to be honest, the people you're aiming at should have got the message a long time ago.

I've been around long enough now to realise that sometimes there's nothing you can do to persuade/educate people if they're minds are that closed. People will think what they think.

I used to wear 1 earring, then I wore 3, I had very short spikey hair too. Some people thought I was gay. I had DS. I've been a lone parent for quite a few years. I have DD, I'm alone again. I don't show any signs of being interested in men. Or women. I don't think I will again.

But - I'm straight, I've been married, divorced and widowed. I don't think I have the energy for another relationship.

But people will think what they want to think. You need to be confident about who you are......

Between PatFenis and I think Pansexual means you'll do animals too I've coughed up whole bits of my kidney!

Still think nobody gives a shiny shite who you want to sleep with or don't want to sleep with. If I saw a friend with a black ring on their middle finger I'd probably just think "oh, black ring on finger" if I even noticed it which I probably wouldn't.

I'm slightly baffled by all these people saying they couldn't care less what other people's sexuality is. My experience is that people are always interested to know, simply because in our society it's seen as a fundamental means of categorising people (just as they're interested in what job other people do). I have a friend who 'changed' from gay to straight and lots of people are absolutely fascinated by this - not in a prejudiced way, just curious.

sue love "pimpy bees"!

Yes, because equating one consenting adult falling in love with another to beastiality is hilarious...

I'm with poster no. 2

Most importantly, does the ring look pretty?

suepurblybuilt its a chameleon not a lizard, necklace, bracelet, keyring etc and is for swingers not dogging. HTH

actually.... is a chameleon a lizard? anyway its definately a chameleon after the club in wallsall near B'ham, chameleons, swingers club.

oh that makes much more sense. Why would dogging types have a lizard? They'd prolly have a labrador or a Ford Cortina badge.
Thank you

Like I was saying, about straight privilege. Heteronormative mundanes just assume that everyone they meet is heterosexual and inclined towards monogamy. But some people aren't. However, if such people do mention this, even if it's to correct an assumption made out loud, they get accused of 'flaunting' their difference. If they don't mention it at first and only later make it known they get accused of 'keeping secrets' and a load of guff about 'Oh you should have told me, I wouldn't have minded.'

If you are heteromonogamous, because that's the cultural norm and most people expect most other people to be that way, you're rarely going to be called on to identify your preferences, so you think that no one notices/cares/thinks about what other people do in bed. But you care. Because you get all squawky and outraged, or nosey and intrusive, or desperately condescending, at the merest hint that you might be talking to someone who is different.

...what SGB sais

SGB, that's making an awful lot of assumptions about me on the basis of my sexual preference.