to show I am asexual by wearing a black ring?

[asiatic]

Lots of asexuals wear a black ring on their right middle finger. I'm thinking of getting one. What do you thinK? Have you ever seen anyone wearing one? How would you respond to a policeman, or bus driver or teacher advertising that they are asexual? I'm thinking it might be a helpful message to avoid misunderstandings, or is it something you don't really want to know about a stranger? Would it influence your perception of other aspects of them?

Oh bless ... Fair enough, Sorry OP wear one if it makes you feel better, although judging by the general bafflement on here I don't think it's going to help much!

"I will repeat, you need to look carefully at the signals you are giving out"

This seems so wrong to me

When I was young people were always trying to get off with me. People who I thought were "just" friends, people who were in couples, people who were going out with people I knew, and so on.

The idea that it is all the OPs fault if people she sees as friends keep trying to get off with her, is an idea I find troubling.

Goodness me.You learn something every day.

Sardine I think you have the wrong end of the stick. The OPs problem is that her friends think that she fancies them not that all her friends are coming on to her. Here is her post from earlier explaining:

"I think the sort of misunderstanding I've had problems with is not so much someone making advances to me, " no thanks, I'm asexual" works fine, but it is a problem when other people think I fancy them, it can ruin a friendship, and " no really, I AM asexual, HONEST" is often taken with some sceptisism. The worst is long standing female friends, who start to wonder if, because I have never indicated an interest in men, there is a likelihood I may be interested in them. This is hard, if they start to back off, but even harder if the start to signal that they may be open to a bit of experimentation! I just wonder if wearing the black ring means everything is up front and straight forward from the start"

it does depend on the ear....but other gay women always understood. her other jewellery was symbolic also,

though looking at this thread it would perhaps only be other gay women who 'got' the symbolism.

OP you are educating us with your black ring thing!

OP the reason I said it was a non issue and attention seeking was because no one else makes a point of wearing something that advertises their sexuality on a daily basis!

As has been pointed out, 99% of people who see it wont get the symbolism and you will have to explain it anyway and the other 1% will presumably also be asexual so they dont need to know that you are as they wont be assuming you are pulling them :o

Stop over thinking it. And maybe tell people you are celibate rather than asexual. Its not strictly accurate but most people understand that and may save you some hassle.

seems the ear piercing thing has died a death since the 80's....been googling. it used to be very symbolic, but not so any more!

still. my sis did it. She would have been 50 now though....it was an 80s thing!

i still think op should wear her black ring it if it means something to her.

Tbh I was also wondering how you manage misunderstandings. Surely the point of being asexual is its not a sexual preference as such, you just simply have no sexual feelings? It's not usually something you need to worry about because asexual people don't generally attract people, for that reason?

bogey im not sure thats right - i know my sis wore the earing (now defunkt i see) but also wore plenty of other things that symbolised her sexuality - she wore a "female" or venus symbol around her neck for as long as i can remember. Other gay women 'got it'
for others it was lost on them.

Thats my point exactly Vicar, in your DSis case it was only other gay women who got it. In the OPs case, she is trying to show other people who're not asexual, so the symbol is rather pointless as the very people she is targetting wont get it!

And I did see it occasionally in the 80's but the whole understanding of homosexuality was different then and it was as much a political statement as a statement of sexual preference.

FFS there is some smug mundane asshattery on this thread. I suggest you bucketheads read this.

Having said that, OP, I don't think the significance of the black ring is widely enough known for it to act as a random entitled-moron repellent, however if wearing one makes you feel good then go ahead. To me it's no more 'flaunting' your lifestyle than wearing a religious symbol, a rainbow earring or a scarf in your team colours; there's nothing wrong with using clothing or jewellery to express something about yourself. Everyone does it to some extent. And I can also see it being a useful awareness-raiser; the more people adopt a particular symbol, the more its significance becomes known.

I don't think a ring will resolve the issue, or telling people that you are asexual. Some asexual people want romantic relationships and some don't. Letting your friends know that you are asexual is not going to clear up the issue of whether or not you want a romantic but unsexual relationship with them.

Is spanking allowed in asexual relationships?

Because the symbolism of a black ring isn't widely understood, it will not be a useful way of preventing unwanted advances.

You are planning to use a very subtle message to communicate with people who are so blind to subtle messages that they haven't actually noticed that you don't fancy them. It's probably not going to work.

I'd say if you want to wear a black ring on the requisite finger then go for it. But as this thread has demonstrated, so few people would understand the significance that it wouldn't solve your perceived problem.

I'd have thought it was easier to do as most people do if receiving advances from people they aren't sexually attracted to - say thanks but no thanks. Also, it is probably worth getting into perspective the number of people who genuinely intend to make advances anyway. Much as we all like to think we are irresistible.

Who cares whether you're asexual or not?

Are you fending admirers off to the extent that you have to advertise your non-interest. And if so, a black ring is just too subtle. Easier to politely decline any advances, surely

vicarinatutu aha, that's the point isn't it? Your sis wore it as a symbol, one of many, that others like her understood. I may have the 'lesbian ear' pierced, it may well be a symbol of homosexuality, but I think it would be pretty clear on a first conversation if not before that I wasn't. Straight friends wouldn't get the symbol so it would be meaningless to them.

OP wear your ring. If it carries meaning for you, then that's all good. If you meet someone who sees the ring and knows what it means, all good, if your friends don't believe you, that's their issue. If strangers don't get it, its not their fault. You'll probably always have to explain to someone what your sexuality is and a lot of people will never get it.

You're doing nothing wrong.

Every single one of the negative comments directed at the OP are comments that are and have been made to and about gay people as well. Sometimes people ask me why I have so little patience with heteronormative mundanes and this thread is a marvellous example of exactly why.

Look, bucketheads, you 'flaunt' your orientation all the time and think that's nice, but you're obviously not very secure in it or you wouldn't be so squawky and frightened and angry at having it pointed out to you that not everyone is like you.

I wore an enormous black onyx ring on my middle right finger for about 20 years. Had no idea I was giving off unintentional signals. Bloody hell.

What does a big turquoise ring on that finger mean? Are all the savvy people thinking that I am frigid or that I go like a train?

Search me, Harriet ... You could have a look in the Hetronormative Mundane Buckethead Bling section in the Argos catalogue

Would that be the page next to the gold clown necklaces or the one just before the chunky bulldog chains? Both of which are bookmarked in my catalogue, obviously.

It means you love a bit of bumsex Harriet, sorry.

According to their extensive footnotes my world-class collection of goth tat suggests I only aspire to shag dead-ringers for Sam Winchester ( in seriously short supply round here, more's the pity ... )

Either Sam or Dean would do me Feckless!