to show I am asexual by wearing a black ring?

[asiatic]

Lots of asexuals wear a black ring on their right middle finger. I'm thinking of getting one. What do you thinK? Have you ever seen anyone wearing one? How would you respond to a policeman, or bus driver or teacher advertising that they are asexual? I'm thinking it might be a helpful message to avoid misunderstandings, or is it something you don't really want to know about a stranger? Would it influence your perception of other aspects of them?

Actually, in the summer when resources are plentiful, aphids reproduce asexually as the is the best way to have a huge population increase.

When conditions become harsher, sexually reproductive aphids are born, who can mate and lay eggs that will survive the winter.

(Sorry, off topic I know, but aphid reproduction is actually rather interesting more so than people's sexuality imo )

Two reservations about the ring -- one has already been mentioned many times; very few are likely to notice it and those who do are possibly likely to use conversation about the ring as a sort of 'What's your sign?/'Do you come here often?'' question with a view to ending up in bed with you. There are people who are equal opportunity chancers and will take 'I'm asexual' as a challenge to overcome, just as they would see a wedding ring or maybe even a burqa.

The other reservation is about the colour. Seems a bit of a strange symbolic colour, associated with all things gothic, halloween, etc. How did black come to be chosen?

Never heard of that........I really don't care about other people's sexual orientation to be honest.

Hello maths anxiety, I think black was chosen because it matches everything, and is equally appropriate for males, females, formal and casual dress.
Drove, I have had hormone tests done in the past, for completely unrelated medical reasons, and they are completely normal.

Aha yes, I can see it would be perfectly practical therefore.

Asiatic , thank you for answering my question.

Can I ask another ? Without anyone else trying to answer for you ...

Have you always known your not Intrested in sexual relationships , or is It something that you gradually realised was always there ?

Droves, I have always known. Obviosly young children don't think that much about it, but I can remember at age of about 7 or 8, being very worried at the idea that marriage might be compulsary, and my father assuring me it was optional! I also remember sitting with friends at about 11, all of us describing our ideal husbands. Everyone else was saying rich, handsome, kind, etc, my ideal husband was someone who worked abroad, and any came home occasionally to get me pregnant.

I have always felt sex just wasn't for me, and have tried to explain that to friends and family, but have only relativly recently realised there are official words for what I am, I am heteroromantic asexual, in other words I can feel mild romantic attachment to men, but not sexual desire. It is nice to know I have a definition. Up until I found that out, I did seem to be the only one. One close friend suggested once I see a therapist, to find out if I could have sexual feelings. I went twice, she said, to me if I'd never had sexual feelings by then ( age 32) it was unlikely I ever would. I stopped going, as I had my answer, and there was nothing alse to discuss, as I was perfectly happy the way I was.

I always knew I didn't want to be a wife, but also that I did want to be a mother. I did at one stage feel I should be married to have children, and tried dating. It was disasterous, I hated having boyfriends, felt miserable, and looking back, treated them badly. I quite young decided to be a single mother, and now I am.

Asiatic , thank you for answering my question . It clarified a little of what it means to be asexual ( to me at least) .

Funnily enough I've always known I'm the way I am too , and my best friend ( gay) has said he's always known since from about 3 that he liked males.

I know asexualism isn't quite the talked about thing ....to be honest I'd never even heard of it until your post. I now have an intriguing thing ... I read in the link to the bbc earlier that the people who commented all seemed to have different opinions on what asexuality was to them...some classed themselves as asexual .

Is it more a personal thing than the other sexualities then ? Does it mean different things to different people ? Or are some classing themselves as asexual when they might not be ?

Drove, I think the important thing is nobody can class anyone else as asexual. You can choose to class yourself as asexual, if you fit the criteria of not feeling sexual desire, and it can be very helpful to realise you are one of many, rather than unique! It is also important to understand that it might not be for a whole lifetime. I have a friend who classed herself as straight until about 35, then classed herself as gay for around 20 years, and now considers herself straight again. It does happen, sexuality is not nessessarily fixed. We all have a place somewhere on the spectrum, but people do seem to move around that place, some more easily and further than others.

I think it does mean different things to different people. There are a whole range of subdivisions, as there probably are with other sexualities too, there are demisexuals, for example, and others. I was pleased to find myself described exactly as a heteroromantic asexual, but I'm sure the lines between these groupings are very blurred, and not particularly important.

If you are interested, look at the AVEN site ( www.asexuality.org) As to numbers, its obviously very hard to say. Estimates seem to average at about 1% of the population, ( homosexuals are estimated to be about 2% of the population, more than half are male, asexuals about 1%, more than half female, so the number of asexual females is possibly comparible to, although slightly less, than the number of lesbians)

Thanks for your questions Drove

I'm going to blunder in her with my ignorance. Please tell me to bugger off if it's insensitive. my brother has never really been interested in relationships. He has had one girlfriend but it wasn't very successful on any level. He says he's not gay. He just seems to get along very well without people. I have always thought that he was on the autistic spectrum (he has some Asperger's traits). Do you think the two might go hand in hand for some people or would people think that was something different? He doesn't really need friendships very much either or family TBH.

mrsterrypratchett you are confused.

That is my brother!

asiatic I would be interested to know what a demi-sexual is?

Go for it op.

No different to wearing a wedding or engagement ring.

I cannot imagine being asexual myself, but it is a fascinating subject.

I googled demisexual sgb will be interested I think.

It is very interesting for me to read that as it describes a few people that I have met and a lot of people on here and especially women.

That sounds all wrong. I mean from the perspective that I have often felt that my sexuality is out of sync with lots of other women and that link makes me feel a bit better! The idea that you need a relationship / romantic attachment in order to be attracted to someone "properly" has always been alien to me but is at times held up as the norm for females.

SQ: That is interesting, and very true, as well. What I like about the AVEN site is the way it appreciates the diversity among people.

Interesting site , thank you for posting the link to it Sardine...I will be reading more.

'all those posters on the walls at college.....

'i'm gay, get used to it'

i wanna shout

'youre gay, i dont care'

same goes for your ring.

unless you are in a relationship with me, i dont care what you do... why would I?'

I think you are spectacularly missing the point which is that plenty of people DO care about others' sexuality, & not in a nice friendly way. I don't think you should just until you have suffered discrimination in the way that gay people have.

I also agree that there has been a lot of unnecessary pisstaking on this thread. If the poster posted that she was gay & her friends were reacting weirdly to it would there have been quite so much teasing? God this place is like a playground sometimes.

Asiatic, can I ask, is it that you want to be alone? I mean, could you be with another asexual partner as a sort of companion so you get the benefits of being part of a couple without the sex?

the Macca Trackies.

Dillytante, personally I very much want to be single, although not all asexuals do. There are quite a few asexual couples around, who enjoy companionship and running a home and family as a team, but without the sexual relationship

MrsTerryPratchet, I've no idea if people on the autistic spectrum are more likely to be asexual, although I could imagine maybe asexual behaviour may be wrongly called autistic behaviour?

I definatly would not fit the description you give of your brother not needing friends or family. Friends are so important to me, far more important than they would be if I had a partner, I suspect. Family too. I am a warm and affectionate person, just not a sexual one.

People just do vary. I like sex (though have not had any for a while) but have no interest in romantic couplehood.

asiatic one thing I don't understand is why you are on a parenting website saying that you are not interested in having a relationship ever, as I guess this would preclude ever having children.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be here but I wonder if there are other more relevant places for you find others with the same interests as yourself. The argument for LTGB rights is always valid and no one here is denying you your choice.

However I'm not really convinced by your thread, and since I have seen your comments on the thread below saying that you don't believe in evolution, I'm even less convinced by you.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1410292-to-wonder-how-people-can-not-believe-in-Evolution#30175326

Hetero - whoops, perhaps you should have read the post by asiatic where she points out she already IS a mum, no?

asiatic Sat 18-Feb-12 22:30:08
"...
I always knew I didn't want to be a wife, but also that I did want to be a mother. I did at one stage feel I should be married to have children, and tried dating. It was disasterous, I hated having boyfriends, felt miserable, and looking back, treated them badly. I quite young decided to be a single mother, and now I am. "

sgb ....that sort of makes you the opposite to the asexuals ? .

you like sex but cba with relationships ...they like relationships (sometimes) and cba with sex !