to show I am asexual by wearing a black ring?

[asiatic]

Lots of asexuals wear a black ring on their right middle finger. I'm thinking of getting one. What do you thinK? Have you ever seen anyone wearing one? How would you respond to a policeman, or bus driver or teacher advertising that they are asexual? I'm thinking it might be a helpful message to avoid misunderstandings, or is it something you don't really want to know about a stranger? Would it influence your perception of other aspects of them?

Taking the piss out of someone's lack of sexuality is rude too!

I am amazed by people having such a problem with this. I don't understand if it is to do with culture being so sexualised or what the issue with it is.

A lot of the things being said are extremely similar to what used to be said about homosexuality. Why is one acceptable and the other not? Is it really that hilarious to people that some people don't want to have sex with other people?

Bloody hell sigmunda

Splitting hairs in order to try and wriggle out of the fact that you were really rude to OP?

Why not just say, actually, that is a bit rude, maybe I shouldn't have said it.

And she does have a sexuality - she is asexual.

clothes I'm a bit taken aback too

'Is it really that hilarious to people that some people don't want to have sex with other people?'

Not at all. But it's a little odd to share that fact with the wider public via a ring.

Now she's odd?

People wear wedding rings like billy-o. Are they all odd too?

I was not really rude. Why aren't you taking issues with the other posters on here who were also 'really rude'. Or is it just me you have an issue with?

I can't really comment on the OP's situation as it seems quite complex in terms of what is going on with her friends.

I can see the value of the ring thing in terms of asexual people looking to get into relationships with other asexual people. It would help people identify each other.

I can also see the need for society to be more aware that asexuality exists, and that there is probably a continuum of sexual desire, so that people are more aware of it when entering relationships. There does seem to be a wider assumption (in general, not this thread in particular) that there is some amount of sex people are entitled to in long term relationships, and there should maybe be more discussion about how that is perhaps not an entitlement in the long term, as libido does decline for many people who are not asexual.

Oh you're just being silly now. Everyone's heard of wedding rings. About 14 people have heard of asexuality rings.

You came in in the middle of a bit that I was posting in and said something really rude. I noticed and commented on it.

So you don't think someone saying they are asexual and you saying "what are you an aphid" is rude? OK. Would be interested to hear what you say to gay people when you meet them.

You said it was odd to wear a ring that denotes your sexuality. Now you change your mind and say it's because no-one will know what it means?

This sort of knee-jerk piss taking is horrible to read. She's ill. She's an aphid. She's odd. FGS just because she doesn't fancy people? So what? It doesn't harm anyone, does it.

I agree with that clothes of sand.

Far from feeling threatened or having a problem with asexuality, I think many of us know full well that our sexual lives are not what they are portrayed to be in society.

Saying that there are other reasons for asexuality, such as medical or psychological issues, is not mean to be an insult. The bbc piece linked to , especially the comments below makes the point that human sex drive is complex and changeable. The Aven website itself says that the choice to identify as asexual is just that and that no 2 people will be the same, or will continue to be asexual throughout their lives.

And some people are gay and will always be gay and some people are straight and will always be straight and some people will change through their lives and so what?

So someone says they are asexual why this barrage of stuff when I would have expected most people to simply say really? That's interesting. Or not interesting. Depending on whether they felt it was interesting or not.

The way people have reacted on this thread show that people have not really moved on at all in terms of tolerance.

As for the op, my point was simply that the wearing of a ring doesn't strike me aaa good way of addressing your particular issue.

I think the barrage was to do with the slightly ridiculous notion of the ring, not the ridiculous notion of asexuality.

Well that's speaking for me, at least.

OJ, yes, there will be a variety of reasons for asexuality. But then there will be a variety of reasons that people will declare themselves heterosexual and sexually active - because it is a good way of getting pregnant, because society expects it, because parents expect it and so on. But I don't think the standard response to somebody announcing they are straight, or talking about getting married or wearing a wedding ring is for people to laugh, or compare the person to a swan, or to ask if they have considered taking medical advice about insemination with a syringe instead, and so on.

I'm not saying there aren't reasons for bringing any of this stuff up, it just seems a bit unbalanced in wider society. It feels as if people are judged for not being in a relationship, or not being that bothered about sex at a certain time in their life, or all of their life, if they are in a relationship.

Sorry if this is all going a bit off the point of the thread.

'So you don't think someone saying they are asexual and you saying "what are you an aphid" is rude?'

If an asexual person told me they were asexual, I would say 'are you an aphid?' And hopefully, because they would have the benefit of seeing my face and body language, and because they would be able to hear the tone of my voice, they would understand that I wasn't sneering and being serious.

Why are you even asking them if they are an aphid?

Sexual and asexual reproduction in biology is to do with how babies are made. It's not to do with sexuality. I have no idea if there are homosexual or asexual aphids, TBH, though there may have been studies.

I have no reason to believe that the OPs internal organs are different to other people's and that she is able to make a baby without any input from anyone else.

I'm not sure what your aphid point is, I do think it's rude. I think it would be very rude to say that to someone in real life, even you said it in a jokey way. Minorities are always expected to put up with rudeness dressed up as jokes. I thought we were getting past that, it's all a bit 70s.

It's questionable whether aphids are really heterosexual either, from that POV. I doubt they have much awareness of what they are doing.

OP - I am sorry if I have offended you. I think the black ring would have little significance to most people in that they wouldn't know what it is, but if it is important to you, of course, wear it.

I don't have a problem with your sexuality. This is a free country and you can do exactly what you please.

Oh GOD Sardine, are you really going to give me a lecture about aphids?? Surely even you can raise a tiny smile at that one .

'I have no idea if there are homosexual or asexual aphids, TBH, though there may have been studies.'

Thank you for apologising to the OP sigmund

I'm assuming SQ is explaining about aphids because they seem to be an even more obscure reference point than the ring in question, so nobody understands why the Op is being asked if she is an aphid.

Welcome Sardine